"Mortal Coil"
Neelix is busy serving the crew in the mess hall, and he couldn't look
happier. Harry loves Neelix's new, potent fire-nut blend coffee while he
works on his montly Ops report. Chakotay asks for Neelix's help later that
night to gather some proto-matter from a nearby nebula; Neelix has dealt
with the stuff before as a trader, he says. "It's the best energy source in
the quadrant." 
Only Seven threatens to darken Neelix's mood when she complains about the
"pungent" taste of her food, but Neelix convinces her it's intentional--he
seeks to broaden her culinary horizons. Food isn't just nutritional
sustenance, it should also be pleasurable, he says. He invites her to
Thursday's annual "Prixin" celebration, the Talaxian family holiday filled
with food, folks and fun. Seven seems interested, and asks what she should
do to prepare. Neelix laughs; "just show up! It's not a mission, it's a
party!"
Then Ensign Wildman hails Neelix, asking him to help Naomi get to sleep.
Neelix explains to a confused Seven that Naomi is Wildman's young daughter,
the first child born on Voyager, and he is her godfather. "And right now
she needs me; duty calls!"
In the Wildman quarters, Neelix busily hunts through the living room while
Naomi points at new places for him to check. Smiling mom Ensign
Wildman patiently suggests that they check out the bedroom so Neelix can go
back to work, and Naomi obliges, finding a slew of new places for Neelix to
examine.
What is Neelix searching for? Monsters.

Fortunately, the Wildman quarters are monster-free tonight. But she won't
let her godfather go without a story. So Neelix tells her about the Great
Forest, the Talaxian afterlife--where it's always sunny, the trees offer
just the right amount of shade, and everyone you ever cared about is there
to watch over you while you sleep. (It would appear that Talaxians evolved
from furry woodland creatures. Neelix does look a little like a
hyperevolved mix of Timon and Poomba.) It's a cute story, and Naomi latches
onto it. "Are they watching over me too?" she asks. You bet, he says, and
his goddaughter, satisfied, drifts off to sleep. Ensign Wildman gives him a
grateful smile.

Neelix enters cargo bay two, whistling for a cylinder like he's playing
hide and seek. Seven of Nine happens to live here, and she's home to
witness this odd spectacle. She surprises him by appearing; he surprises
her by talking to his "little cylinder." When he realizes he has an
audience, he laughs self-consciously and says it's his way of remembering
things.
"You are a peculiar creature," she notes with trademark candor. "Thanks...I
think," he says.
He finds his sneaky cylinder and shows it to her, explaining it's great for
containing proto-matter. "Last time I used it I nearly lost it to the
Kazon," he explains.
"The Kazon--Species 329," Seven says. At Neelix's query she explains the
Borg encountered them in the Gan sector, but "they were unworthy of
assimilation."
Heh; I suspected as much. "Resistance is irrelevant; you will be snubbed."
Neelix smirks; he shares the Borg's opinion of the Kazon. "I had no idea
the Borg were so discriminating!"
"Why assimilate a species that would detract from perfection?" Seven asks
rhetorically.
Neelix no doubt remembers that Talaxians were deemed worthy of
assimilation; while Seven may consider it a compliment, it's nevertheless
not a comfort. Gotta go, he says; I've got a date with a shuttlecraft.
"Pleasant...uh, regenerating."
I love the smell of proto-matter in the evening. It smells like...a plot
complication.
In the aforementioned nebula, a lone shuttle searches for two scoops of
energy. Inside, Chakotay and Neelix are joined by Paris, who is making a
strong case for adding pizza to the menu. "How hard could it be?" Paris
asks. "Bread, tomatoes, cheese--"
"The cheese alone would take days," Neelix retorts, pointing out the
time-consuming nature of separating the curds and whey from synthesized
milk...and not mentioning the danger of cheese to the lactose-intolerant
gelpacks. "So replicate the cheese!" an exasperated Paris begs, as Chakotay
does his best to stay out of the conversation. Neelix finally relents,
"since it means so much to you."

(Today, Neelix feels needed, appreciated, and valued for his expertise in a
variety of ways: chef, godfather, morale officer, monster hunter, resident
proto-matter expert. A guy could die happy on a day like this.)

Chakotay announces that the large column of roiling energy in front of them
has a nice dense source of proto-matter, and asks Neelix what's next.
Neelix gives instructions, and prepares the containment cylinder. They
scan, they lock, they beam.

The column spits lightning at them. The shuttle rocks.

Paris says the energy is traveling along the transporter beam; shields are
weakening. Neelix runs up to the shuttle's fore and says he's got a nice
stable sample, though, so they can leave at any time--the sooner the
better.

A bolt of lightning passes through the shields, through the hull, and
through Neelix's chest. He is thrust backward, but holds onto the
containment cylinder, cradled like a football in his left hand. Paris
reacts like a medic (good for him!), rushing to Neelix's side.
Chakotay--the second best pilot on Voyager--takes the helm, getting them
away from immediate danger.

"How is he?" Chakotay asks over his shoulder. Paris takes his readings.
Then he swallows, throat dry. "He's dead," Paris says.

Chakotay offers a bunch of backseat medical advice, but Paris shoots them
all down; the proto-matter did a thorough job of scrambling Neelix's noggin
beyond salvage. As the shuttle nears more spitting proto-matter and starts
rocking hard,Chakotay tells Paris he needs him back in the pilot's seat.
Paris gives Neelix a last sad look, then returns to the front of the 
shuttle and grimly takes the controls.

Captain's log, Stardate 51449.2. After receiving a distress call from
Commander Chakotay, we've sent a beacon into the nebula and we're in the
process of tracking down the away team.

Harry tracks down the shuttle, which is banged up but salvageable. Tuvok
reports that there are only two life signs on board. Janeway orders them
beamed directly to sickbay and the shuttle towed back home, and she hands
the bridge to Tuvok as she races to the turbolift.

Doc says there was nothing Paris could have done to save Neelix. His
medical excuse for beating up on himself taken away, Paris then blames his
piloting skills, but Chakotay tells him not to blame himself for that
either--there was no way for them to have anticipated what happened.

Doc asks the captain how they should proceed. "The Talaxians mourn their
dead for a full week, in a specific burial ceremony," Janeway says. "And
that's just what we're going to do." Chakotay says he'll inform the crew;
the captain says she'll check Neelix's logs for further details on the
ceremony. Janeway places a comforting hand on the backs of Paris and
Chakotay before heading for the exit.

She is intercepted by Seven of Nine, who marches into Sickbay and asks how
long Neelix has been dead--18 hours, she is told. She asks if his neural
pathways are intact, and is told that they are. "Then it is not too late to
reactivate him," she says. Neelix is only mostly dead, not all dead.

Doc disagrees, But Janeway wants to hear more. Seven reveals some
previously-unmentioned information, though "Unity" provided some hints: the
Borg have assimilated some far superior medical knowledge over the years,
and among the Borg death is irrelevant. Up to 73 hours of inactiveness can be
successfully reversed, she states.

Doc, feeling himself losing control of the situation, insists there's no
brain functions left. "By your narrow definition, perhaps," Seven says,
"but not by mine." She briefly explains the process, which involves
modified nanoprobes.

Sounds good to me, says Paris. But Janeway points out that only she gets to
decide who lives and who dies. She asks what the chances are of Neelix
coming back from eighteen hours of deadness unaffected, a concern Doc
echoes. Seven says the nanoprobes will compensate nicely. But she does
stress that a decision needs to be made soon. Janeway, hearing raves from
Kim about the new coffee blend, sets her formidable jaw. "Do it." Doc
protests, but Janeway's mind is set, and all he can do is acquiesce
miserably as Seven throws her shoulders back in satisfaction.

*

Doc finds himself in the unusual and unpleasant position of having someone
in Sickbay who can speak over his head. He is the amalgem of all Federation
medical knowledge, and Seven is making him feel like a freshman biology
student. While he's blustering and insisting on doing things his way, Seven
makes the necessary preparations to make Neelix undead. She's so efficient
it's scary. By the time she's ready to reanimate the cadaver, Doc's only
recourse is humor.

"And they say I have a lousy bedside manner," Doc huffs, his second-best
line of the hour.

Long, babble-rich story short: Seven injects Neelix with nanoprobes and
flicks a switch; a Borg-green glow briefly envelops the clearly decomposing
Neelix; and in less than a minute he's regenerating, breathing, spitting
out the fare for Charon's boat ride, sitting upright, and asking in a very
confused voice why he's here.

He looks like death warmed over...which isn't far from the truth.

Seven is satisfied by the results, but Doc is shocked speechless.

* * *

"Dead?" Neelix, now sitting upright and talking to the captain, asks.

"For 18 hours, 49 minutes, 13 seconds," Doc says, pleased now, recovered
from his initial amazement. "Congratulations! You've just set a new record."

Neelix says surely he was merely unconscious. "You were dead," says Seven,
eliminating all doubt. Not what he wanted to hear, but he is gracious
enough to thank Doc; Janeway, holding his hand affectionately, says the
thanks really should go to Seven and her nanoprobe-fortified bloodstream.
Seven passes the buck, saying the Borg picked up the technique when they
assimilated Species 149.

Apparently the life-salvaging technique is not a panacea, though. They'll
still need to monitor him closely and give him booster shots of modified
nanoprobes until his body no longer needs them, and his tissues stop
"necrotizing" (essentially, he's on life support, though the nanoprobes
make the process completely internal). Neelix tries to joke it off: "As
long as I don't start assimilating the crew or sprouting implants, I guess
I'll be okay." Doc releases him to his quarters.

*

Janeway walks Neelix back to his quarters.
Neelix comforts himself by saying at leastthey got the proto-matter...
but Janeway admits that the sample destabilized, and they may not go 
back for a second run unless she is convinced they can do so safely.
Neelix wants to get back to work immediately, but Janeway orders 
him to rest: "You've just returned from the dead; go easy on yourself."

Neelix begs her to at least let him continue his Prixin preparations.
Janeway finally relents, but asks him to not ferment the compotes so long
this time; "last year I got a little... lightheaded," she confesses in
sotto voice. Neelix smirks and assures her he'll make the necessary
adjustments.. Janeway drops Neelix off at his quarters, and urges 
him to take advantage of the proffered time off,and for goodness sake,
get some peaceful night's rest.


Neelix enters his darkened quarters. The brave smile he had for the captain
flees as soon as the door closes. He moves to a sculpture on a tabletop--an
odd looking bronze thing that could be a cross between a tree and mutant
mushrooms, dark shoots atop brown roots. He kneels in front of it.

"Alixia...why weren't you there?"

Seven of Nine and Tuvok stroll the corridors, discussing death. "Human
attitudes toward death are perplexing," Seven says. "Too much importance is
placed on it. There seem to be countless rituals and cultural beliefs
designed to alleviate their fear of a simple biological truth: all
organisms eventually perish."

"I take it the Borg have no fear of that biological truth," Tuvok says, not
asking why she singled out humans when it was a Talaxian who died. Nor
does he bother to keep the skepticism out of his voice at the words,
"biological truth." Vulcans have their own afterlife; the katra remains
after the body dies if the proper rituals are performed. And even in the
humanistic 24th century, we've encountered many cultures for whom the death
of the body is not the end of existence. But I digress.

Seven says the Borg use a drone until there's nothing left to salvage, then
discard the remains. The memories of the drone, however, the essence,
continues long after the flesh has disintegrated--it's a sort of
immortality. Tuvok points out that she's no longer part of the Collective,
and asks if that disturbs her. Her words suggest not--even though she's
been severed from the Collective, everything she had been up to the point
of disconnect is still with the Borg, so she'll continue regardless of what
happens to the body.

"That must be a great comfort," Tuvok says. "It is," she replies.

Paris and Chakotay walk to engineering, discussing the early analysis of
their proto-matter mission. They approach Torres, who adds some analysis of
her own (the early conclusion: they think they can make another attempt
with some modifications to the process), and Chakotay heads for Holodeck
two, where he's programmed a re-enactment of their last mission. Paris and
Torres get a nice moment together, standing close and looking after the
Commander as he leaves.

Neelix catches up with Chakotay in the corridor and asks if he can assist
with the investigation. Chakotay agrees. Cut to a beautiful exterior shot
of Voyager near the nebula inside of a holographic shuttle where Chakotay
tells Neelix to keep an eye on himself while the commander monitors the
data from the nebula. Neelix watches his holographic self with fascination.
When the bolt of energy blows the holo-Neelix backwards Neelix freezes the
program. He hovers over his charred carcass, and Chakotay realizes too
late that this may have been a mistake to allow Neelix to view his own demise.

Or not. It might be therapeutic.

"Nothing," Neelix mutters, as Chakotay joins him in kneeling over the
holo-corpse. Chakotay is a little slow on the uptake, but Neelix fills him
in. He experienced nothing at all during his 18 hours of death.
Specifically: no Great Forest, no Afterlife, no great reunion with his
sister Alixia or his parents or his cousins by the Guiding Tree. That story
he told Naomi was more than just a bedtime tale--it was something he had
truly believed in, taken comfort in over the years after the war which left
his entire family and most of his species dead.

He'd been dead, long enough to expect to have made it to the Great
Forest...and he saw nothing. "It's just a story, a myth..."

If anyone else had been with Neelix, he might not have found much
resistence to this line of thinking. Fortunately (or not) for Neelix,
Chakotay is one of the few outspoken defenders of faith on board.

"Don't throw away a lifetime of faith because of one anomalous incident,"
Chakotay urges. "Death is still the greatest mystery there is." Been there,
done that,Neelix mutters, his mood sinking fast.

Chakotay deletes the holo-characters. "That's gonna be us," says the Morale
Officer. "When we go--zzzt, that's it." Chakotay frowns with concern at his
inconsolable comrade.

* * *

Ah, Prixin. 
It is good to see the crew celebrating holidays. I always figured they'd do
so--which ones they didn't bring with them, they'd concoct along the way.
There's a basic need to commemorate important or meaningful events, and
Prixin is as good a reason to gather and make merry as any. It's good for
morale.

A hundred conversations take place simultaneously in the crowded, festive
mess hall, as an unusually somber Neelix keeps the snacks coming and Seven
of Nine stands back, reflectively observing the spectacle.

Tuvok tries to attract the room's attention, but his "party voice" is not
sufficient to stop the cacophony of conversation. Paris teaches him the
glass-and-spoon method of grabbing the room's attention, striking the two
together repeatedly until all eyes are riveted on the percussionist. Tuvok
nods his thanks and begins speaking formally. "Welcome to the first night
of Prixin, the Talaxian observance of familial allegiance. This year, Mr.
Neelix has requested that I commence the celebration with a traditional
salutation."

"'We do not stand alone,'" he reads. "'We are in the arms of family.
Father, mother. Sister, brother. Father's father, father's mother. Father's
brother, mother's brother.'"

The crew, though listening politely, is beginning to shuffle its feet.
Paris makes a face behind Tuvok's back.

"'Fath' --suffice to say, the list is extensive," says Tuvok, skipping
ahead to the relief of all. "'We gather on this day to extol the warmth and
joy of those unshakeable bonds. Without them, we could not call ourselves
complete. On this day, we are thankful to be together. We do not stand
alone.'"

"Indeed we do not," echoes Janeway earnestly, and the crew erupts in hearty
applause.

Neelix looks ashen, but says nothing.

Paris speaks up through the noise to say that they almost lost a member of
their family recently. "I don't know about how the rest of you feel, but it
scared the hell out of me." He raises his glass toward Neelix. "You still
don't know how to make a pizza," Paris says as the crew bursts into
laughter, "But I'm glad you're here." Janeway loudly agrees, and the crew
concurs; they give Neelix a standing ovation.

It's beginning to look a lot like Prixin.

Neelix endures the attention stoically, but we the crew from his
slow-motion DepressionCam, which makes it kind of spooky. They demand a
speech, and he reluctantly provides one. "Thank you,
everyone...well...Enjoy! Computer, music!" The room fills with strains of
the old Talaxian favorite, "I'll be home for Prixin." The formalities
dispensed with, people return to mingling.

While Neelix puts out a plate of snacks, Chakotay asks how he's doing.
Fine, Neelix insists, and apologizes for his outburst on the Holodeck.
Chakotay says he's always available if Neelix needs to talk. Neelix smiles
politely but says nothing, and scurries away at the earliest opportunity.
Chakotay looks after him, frowning sympathetically.

Janeway, glass in hand, approaches the silent, solitary Seven and asks if
she's having fun.

"No."

Janeway smirks, and begins her next lesson in Seven's re-adaptation into
humanity--Mingling 101. "Go over to where people are talking, listen for a
while, then when you have something to contribute, chime in." Seven is
unfamiliar with the term. "Say something relevant."

Ah.

Seven steels herself, exhales sharply, accepts her mission, and marches
over to where Doc and Ensign Wildman are discussing the incredibly speedy
growth rate of Ktarian children. Seven listens, analyzes, determines a
relevant contribution to the discussion, and speaks.

"Children assimilated by the Borg are placed in maturation chambers for 17
cycles," she announces festively.

Doc and Wildman stare at her.

Wildman, voice shaking, politely excuses herself to talk to Neelix, and
flees.

Doc picks up Seven's thought, smiling with keen interest. "In these
maturation chambers--the development of conversational skills is, I
suppose, a low priority?" he asks with lethal good cheer.

Meanwhile, a panicked Wildman calls out to a jittery Neelix, who drops the
tray he's holding. She helps him pick up the cucumber slices and candied
Leola roots and tells him that Naomi misses him, as does she -- the girl
hasn't slept well in days. "Only Neelix can tuck me in, I want Neelix," she
says, indulging his godfatherly ego.

Neelix apologizes--he has been a bit preoccupied, what with being mostly
dead and all. Wildman says he's welcome to come over anytime; Neelix jumps
at the opportunity to leave now. "Prixin's your favorite holiday," she
notes, saying he doesn't have to leave his own party so soon. But Neelix is
in no mood to celebrate the gathering of family when his own deceased
relatives didn't bother to show up for him.

"Duty calls," he says, and off they go.

*

The great monster hunt resumes. Neelix reaches the bedroom, as Naomi points
to the (lumpy) bed and Mom looks on smiling. Neelix checks the bed and
finds...a monster.

Oh sure, as monsters go it's both benign and adorable, sort of a Tickle-Me
Sasquatch. But Neelix recoils dramatically, his voice rises several
octaves, and he squeals, "it's a monster!" as Naomi giggles. "Scared you!"
she taunts playfully.

"You certainly did," Neelix agrees, voice filled with adoration as he
sweeps her up into a hug and deposits her under the covers. It's the first
sign of joy we've seen in him since his return to the living. He tucks her
in, calls her Sweetie.

But this is a kid we're talking about. Never satisfied, she demands a
bedtime story. The Great Forest.

Oh boy.

Neelix, heart sinking, asks if she really wants to hear about the Great
Forest; "it's just a silly old story," he says, and the heart breaks to
hear him. But Naomi insists. She coaxes him along, as he recounts the
splendors of the Great Forest--lots of sunlight, and everyone who ever
loved you is there, watching over you while you sleep. Naomi says she
dreamed about the Great Forest, in fact--Neelix was there, and Ensign
Wildman, and lots of animals, and they were all happy. "It was beautiful,"
she says with the conviction of a child who knows what she likes. Neelix
says it sounds like a nice dream--and he wishes fervently that he could
still share it.

*

Later that night, they've turned out the lights--the party's over. Neelix,
alone, cleans up in the darkened mess hall.

Seven enters, doing the doctor's bidding--running a scan of him in
preparation for the next nanoprobe injection. Neelix throws up his hands in
surrender as she scans.

Seven saved his life. He resents it, and he's angry enough to say so. He
complains of having Borg stuff swimming around inside him. Seven says he
needs them to live. "You call this living?" Neelix demands. "A part of me
is missing; I don't feel like Neelix anymore. Maybe that part died, and I'm
all that's left." As he talks, he runs around the mess hall, avoiding her
scans in the pretext of cleaning up. Seven brusquely tells him to stand
still.

"I didn't ask to be bought back!" Neelix finally shouts at her in
frustration.

"You were dead at the time," Seven observes reasonably.

"You Borg think you can fix anything--well you didn't fix me!" he rages. He
orders her out. She said she'd be negligent in her duties if she did. He
slaps away her tricorder and says he doesn't give a tinker's damn about her
duties, he doesn't care, he doesn't care, he doesn't--

What is your major malfunction, Neelix?

Apparently, the nanoprobes.

Neelix begins gasping. His face starts melting. "What's happening to me?"
he begs.

Seven scans him. "Your cells are returning to a necrotic state."

Apparently, so is Neelix. Relapsing into death, Neelix is helped 
by Seven to sickbay.

* * *

Doc and Seven brief Janeway and Chakotay. Apparently Neelix's body rejected
the nanoprobes and death reasserted its relevance. They've managed to
rewire the nanoprobes and stabilize him, though. Janeway asks how they know
this won't happen again; Doc admits they don't--Neelix may be
nanoprobe-dependent for the rest of his Frankensteinian life.

But hey, he's still breathing through that one lung of his--another Prixin
miracle. (Everytime a combadge chirps, an angel gets his wings....attaboy,
Clarence!)

Doc tells Chakotay that Neelix would like to speak with him. Neelix, who's
resting fitfully on the diagnostic bed, whispers a request: he wants to
borrow a bit of Chakotay's spiritual background, and his people's
technology--the Vision-Quest inducing Peyote PADD. Chakotay nods--the akoonah
is still around. Neelix says he desperately needs to look inside of
himself, to find answers to the questions burning within him. "Will you
help me?"

Chakotay agrees. "But I want you to understand, the vision quest is not a
quick fix. It'll take time to interpret the images, and there's no
guarantee you'll find what you're looking for."

"I understand. What should I do to prepare?"

"You'll need a medicine bundle--items that define you. Things that will
ground you, allow you to take the journey into yourself." Neelix agrees.

*

Some time later, Chakotay unwraps the familiar medicine bundle as Neelix,
sitting cross-legged across from him, displays his defining objects. A
necklace from Alixia, made "during her expedition to the dunes of Talmouth.
A flower from Kes' garden. And last but not least, the Guiding Tree. It
stands at the center of Talaxian afterlife, deep inside the Great Forest.
It's there to help us find our way when we first arrive--at least, that's
what I used to believe."

The items are placed on the replicated animal skin. Neelix mutters
apologetically. "Not a very impressive medicine bundle, is it?" Chakotay
assures him it'll be fine. He places the akoonah before Neelix and has him
rest his hand on the peyote button. Clear your mind, he says; focus on the
objects in the medicine bundle. Nothing else exists.

Neelix closes his eyes. Chakotay grasps the sacred stone in his hands and
begins the ritual words. "Ah-koo-chee-moya. We are far from the sacred
places of our grandfathers; we are far from the bones of our people. We
come here seeking guidance."

Chakotay tells Neelix to focus, to leave the ship and seek out the place
"where you're the most peaceful and content you've ever been."

He drifts, he soars...

And he finds himself in the Mess Hall. The Prixin party is in full swing.
All his friends are there--Doc, Janeway, Paris, Scarecrow, and everyone
is greeting him with all the warmth and love the Prixin season can offer.

It's a wonderful afterlife.

Neelix even sees Janeway chatting amiably with a Talaxian woman in the
prime of her youthful life. Neelix recognizes her immediately--"Alixia!" He
rushes to her, face suffused with joy.

But parties being what they are, Neelix finds his path slowed by a gauntlet
of well-wishing revelers. By the time he reaches Janeway, Alixia is gone.
He asks if she's seen where Alixia went.

"Ah, yes, the dead girl--very charming. I can see the family resemblance,"
Janeway says with a smile--an odd turn of phrase, that.

Neelix sees Alixia heading out the door of the mess hall, and rushes after
her.

Seven halts his progress. "You will be assimilated," she says coldly. "No
time for that now; maybe later," Neelix says, and moves past her.

"Potent stuff!" Harry Kim says, swigging a mug of fire-nut coffee, as
Neelix makes a deft spin move past him.

He exits the mess hall and into the empty, eerily-lit corridor, and sees
Alixia walking away. He follows.

And in a brilliant burst of light, finds himself in a forest. It's
beautiful, he says, voice filled with wonder. Alixia is there. "It's just
like you always imagined it would be," she says. "The trees, the sunlight,
and everyone who ever loved you."

Of course, she's the only one here with him.

Neelix points out that she wasn't here when he died, and he asks why.

"Because it's all a lie," Alixia says coldly.

Now, maybe it's the fuzzy, oddly-lit VisionQuestCam, but Alixia looks a bit
more--how shall I say it?--demonic than Neelix has previously described
her.

Neelix, a little slow on the uptake, asks what she means.

"You've spent your whole life believing lies. 'The Great Forest'? 'The
afterlife'? It's all created out of your fear of death. None of it's real."
You go, girl; spread that Prixin cheer.

"If that's true, what's the point of living?"

"There isn't any. That's what you're finally starting to realize."

Alixia, really starting to freak Neelix--and me--out, starts speaking in
the voice of Naomi. "I'm afraid to go to sleep; tell me about the great
forest, Neelix; tell me about the trees, and the grass, and all the people
who loved you!" 

Why are you saying these things? Neelix begs to know. Alixia advances on
him, her pretty face evil incarnate, and in Naomi's childlike voice taunts,

The lights go out. The noises of the forest turn sinister. Neelix walks
among the trees, and stumbles across a bed. He checks for monsters--and
finds himself. The dead self with the proto-matter burns scarring his
decomposing face.

"They never should have brought you back," Neelix tells himself. "It was a
mistake. Accept it. You know what you have to do."

Everyone Neelix knows and loves--everyone with their names in the credits,
stars and guest stars and Also Stars, everyone but Kes,
lines up to tell Neelix that his continued metabolic activity is an 
affront to living people everywhere.

"It's all a lie. They lied to you," says Paris, hovering over the recently
deceased body of Neelix in the shuttlecraft.

"You know what you have to do," says Naomi, tucked safely into her bed.

"You stand alone," says Janeway.

"Life is irrelevant," says Seven.

"Let go," says Torres.

"It's pointless," says Kim.

"It's a lie," says Chakotay.

"You know what you have to do," says Doc.



Neelix returns from his vision quest with a start. Chakotay stares placidly
at him, not interrupting the moment. Neelix raises his hand to his mouth,
but says nothing.

* * *

Neelix enters the Astrometrics lab. Seven is there. He's come to apologize
for his outburst the other day. "I wasn't myself; but I feel much better
now," he says. Chakotay has helped him to put things in perspective. He
talks while she works. He says he doesn't blame her for bringing him back
to life; "it was very thoughtful," he assures her. "I'd have done the same
for any member of this crew," Seven says blandly. Of course, says Neelix,
running out of things to say.

Seven continues working. Is that all, she asks. Yes, he says, and turns to
go. Then stops. No, he admits, he has something more. 
He rambles a bit until she tersely but not unkindly encourages him to get
to the point.

"You're surrounded by people who care about you," he says, "and whether you
know it or not Voyager is going to be a very good home to you. It certainly
was to me."

"'Was'?" Seven asks. "Do you intend to leave?"

"No, I'll be around," he says distractedly. "Well, goodbye."

"Goodbye," she says to his back as he exits, and the door achieves closure.

*

Neelix cleans the mess hall so thoroughly it shines. The feng shui is
aligned to mathematical perfection. As he puts the finishing touches on his
chores, Chakotay enters and asks what happened to him this morning.

"I'm sorry I had to cancel our little chat, but I was needed in the mess
hall...what with the hubbub of the last few days I've let things slip
around here."

Chakotay chides him for not holding up his end of the agreement. "The
vision quest is an ongoing process; we're supposed to be discussing your
progress."

What's there to discuss? Neelix says with patently false cheer. I saw the
Great Forest, I saw Alixia, I feel a sense of peace unlike any I've ever
felt. It worked, he insists.

Chakotay isn't convinced. "You've only lived with the images for a couple
of days. That's not enough time to draw any conclusions. You've got to
reflect on the images; examine them, allow them to stay alive in your mind.
A vision quest isn't just a dream you can dismiss after your first cup of
coffee."

Neelix says he understands. Good, says Chakotay; meet me in my quarters
after work so we can discuss the vision. "That's an order."

"Yes sir," Neelix says dutifully, and Chakotay exits.

Neelix finishes his cleaning to his satisfaction, and turns off the lights
with a tone of finality.

Chakotay's shift ends at 1400 hours...that gives him plenty of time.

He knows what he has to do.

*

"And finally, Mr. Tuvok...I'm grateful for the opportunity I had to win
your respect. Your strength and your wisdom were an inspiration to me, and
I can only hope that your memory of me will serve to inspire you in some
way."

"It was an honor to spend my last years on Voyager, with this crew. I want
to thank all of you for your kindness, and your companionship. Goodbye."

Neelix ends his personal message, and instructs the computer to deliver it
to Janeway in one hour.

*

It is an empty transporter room that Neelix enters Tricorder in hand,
he begins his preparations to leave.

Ensign Kim reports the beginnings of an unauthorized transport, and adds
that Neelix is the one doing it. Where would he beam to? Janeway asks, and
Harry reports after a brief query, "into the nebula."

Janeway says Stop Him--Kim tries to block the beam-out, Chakotay makes a
rapid exit for the transporter room, and Janeway hails Neelix with stern
orders to stop what he's doing.

Naturally, Neelix manages to override the abort sequence and the transport
commences. Kim is ordered to get him back.
We see Neelix fade out.

Then we see him come back.

He's not at all happy about it. He begins punching the controls of his
tricorder for Plan B.

Chakotay arrives, shocked at the difference in Neelix's demeanor. He may
have suspected things weren't going well for Neelix, but he had no idea
they were this bad.

"You can slow me down, but you can't stop me!" Neelix barks.

"What are you trying to do?" Chakotay asks. "Go back where I belong," says
Neelix.

"You belong here," Chakotay says. "Not anymore! I died in that nebula! You
should have left me!" He threatens to activate a one-way site-to-site
transport to oblivion that nobody can undo.

"You told me you were at peace..." Chakotay says. "I will be as soon as I
tap this control," Neelix says.

"What really happened in your vision quest? What did you see?"

"My sister, the crew, myself. They all told me the same thing--there's no
point in living. And I agree with them."

"I'm sure those were powerful images," Chakotay says, "but there are many
ways to interpret them! You may be coming face to face with your own fear
of death. Or the manifestation of your emotional crisis. Your deepest
beliefs have been thrown into doubt; it's only natural the vision quest
would reflect that."

"Eleven years ago," Neelix says, every word an effort, "I saw my world in
ruins. My family murdered. All that's kept me going is knowing that one day
we'd be together again--that I'd see them again! But it's not true. And I
can't live without that hope."

"I understand that this can change how you look at things, but it can also
lead to an even stronger faith. You don't know--you're not there yet!"

Neelix is not convinced.

Ensign Wildman hails Naomi's godfather. "Answer her!" Chakotay orders
forcefully. Wildman repeats the hail. Neelix wavers, but reaches for the
button that will kill him for good.

Chakotay stops him with the urgency of his tone. "You're being called back
to your life again, Neelix--don't turn your back on it! We're your family
now."

Neelix wavers. "It's not enough." Though he seems to wish it could be.

"It is for us! 'His function on the crew is diverse.' That's what Seven of
Nine said about you. Even our Borg understands how important you are on
this ship. It's not just the duties you perform; it's the way you make
people feel when you're around."

"That Neelix is gone," says Neelix, voice empty. "I don't think he is,"
says Chakotay earnestly.

Ensign Wildman enters the transporter room, looking like a frazzled mom but
otherwise oblivious to the situation. She says with a smile she needs his
help with Naomi again--the girl saw a monster in the replicator, and you
know how she gets when monsters get in the replicator.

She finally notices that she's walked into something...tense. 
"What's going on?" she asks.

"I'm trying to ... decide some things," Neelix says, embarrassed, not
elaborating.

Chakotay bores in. "That little girl needs you, Neelix. Monsters in the
replicator? Who else on this ship can handle that?" His smile is a ray of
hope penetrating the bleakness of Neelix's undead soul.

Neelix wavers...then, hands shaking, gives the tricorder to Chakotay. I
imagine they'll have many long talks in the days ahead.

He gives a brave smile to Ensign Wildman; "Duty calls," he says bravely,
and exits.

Ensign Wildman gives Chakotay a questioning look. He only shrugs. It's
Neelix's story to tell, in his own time.

Neelix tucks in Naomi. She asks if he's okay; Mommy said he was sick. I
was, he says, but I'm better now. He seems to mean it this time.

"Did a monster get you?" she asks. Neelix thinks about it. "I guess so--but
I chased him away," he assures her.  He kisses her goodnight, and she
drifts off to sleep.

In her dreams, Naomi sits under the shade of the Guiding Tree.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-THE END-=-=-=-=-=-=-