From: cktanaka@mail.health.state.hi.us (Tanaka, Chad K.)
Subject: Submission: "Like Tears in Rain" 1/1 - SRA
Date sent: Thu, 21 May 1998 07:49:50 -1000
Title: Like Tears in Rain 1/1
Author: Chad Tanaka
e-mail: chadt@aloha.net
Rating: PG (some cursing, suggestive themes)
Category: SRA
Spoilers: The End, All Souls, War of the Coprophages
Keywords: Mulder/Scully Romance, Angst
Summary: Mulder/Scully Angst taking place in the last few scenes of "The
End." Scully opens up to Mulder, but will he return the sentiment?
Disclaimer: Dana Scully, Fox Mulder, Walter Skinner, Diana Fowley, and
Gibson Praise are the property of Chris Carter, Fox Broadcasting and
Ten-Thirteen Productions. The characters, as well as selected dialog from
the episode "The End" have been used without permission for purely
non-profit entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement is
intended.
"Like Tears in Rain"
Fox Mulder's Apartment
Alexandria, Virginia
11:21pm
Silence.
thought Dana Scully.
She sat quietly in the near darkness, trying to find a way to reach out to
the brooding man who lay next to her on the sofa.
Scully looked around at Mulder's bleak apartment and sighed heavily again.
With only a table lamp to provide illumination, the somber, depressed mood
of the room only intensified the turmoil she felt. Glancing over at the
stoic profile of her equally tormented partner, Scully realized that Mulder
probably preferred the room this way.
She had come over after the incident at Gibson Praise's hotel room. She
thought that Mulder could use some company. He answered the door without a
word, and plopped down on the sofa, basically ignoring her.
Despite acknowledging that Mulder was indeed dealing with some serious
problems, Scully couldn't help but think to herself, But, as she had done so many times before, she
remained quiet, unable to bring herself to open up.
Even to him.
Scully remembered the events earlier in the day. She watched helplessly as
Mulder stood over his injured former lover. She felt the knife twist in her
heart as she saw Mulder grasping Diana Fowley's pale, listless hand.
Sitting at Mulder's desk, Scully shook her head slightly, feeling the
familiar guilt washing over her. For although Mulder's ex lay in a coma,
clinging dearly to life and a young chess prodigy was now missing, the only
thing that went through Scully's mind while at the hotel was
Back in the present, Scully mentally kicked herself. Mulder apparently took no notice of her, so she turned inward again.
She rubbed her forehead, vainly attempting to stave off a pounding
headache.
, she thought. She shut her eyes tightly, as if
by doing so, she could keep the feelings of failure at bay.
she asked
herself. Scully bit her lower lip in frustration.
And what was she doing to find Gibson? Well, she was sitting idly next to
her partner, a man who obviously cared nothing for her, wishing he would
say something, anything to take away the pain she was feeling.
Scully said to herself.
She sighed again, and lay her head down on Mulder's desktop.
Scully bit back the guilty tears that threatened to
fall.
She quickly stood and quietly made her way to Mulder's bathroom. If he took
any notice of her departure, Mulder didn't acknowledge it. She closed the
door and locked it.
Hidden away in Mulder's bathroom, Special Agent Dana Scully, M.D. - who was
secretly dubbed "Ice Queen" by the more gossipy factions within the Bureau
- began to cry. The hot, salty drops fell heavily into the sink, which she
gripped tightly with both hands.
She cried for the injustice of it all. She cried for all the pain that she
both felt and caused. She cried.
Silently.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
She ran the tap and splashed cool water over her face. After dabbing at it
with a hand towel, Scully looked up into the mirror.
"You're falling apart Dana," she spoke softly to the red-eyed face staring
back at her. She asked herself "Why?" Her reflection remained silent,
unable to respond.
She knew part of the answer. It was Mulder. What she saw recently had
shaken Scully to her very core. She was trying to sort out her feelings for
her partner, but all she managed to do was make herself even more confused.
When she saw Mulder and Fowley holding hands and talking to each other with
those shy smiles on their faces, Scully experienced a hitherto unfamiliar
feeling - blinding, paralyzing jealousy.
, Scully thought sadly.
It was more than a childish Bambi Berenbaum-type jealousy. These intense
emotions depressed her, they angered her.
They frightened her.
Sitting in her car after witnessing Mulder's romantic conversation with
Fowley, Scully desperately tried to deny the heartache she felt. But it
just wouldn't go away.
She asked herself why she felt the way she did. she tried to
rationalize. she
told herself at the time.
But now, standing in Mulder's bathroom, Scully admitted that these roiling
emotions were more than just simple schoolgirl jealousy. They were the
symptoms of a deeper cause.
The realization hit Scully like a slap to the face. The widening of the
eyes and blanching of the face reflected in the mirror only confirmed it
for Scully.
She was in love with Fox Mulder, her partner and best friend.
Scully rested her forehead on the mirror and sighed.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
She put the bottle of eye drops back into Mulder's medicine cabinet. The
face that slid back after she closed the cabinet door was presentable once
again. Scully glanced at her watch.
A half an hour had passed. Mulder had not checked up on her once. She
stifled another sigh and opened the bathroom door.
She turned the corner and glanced at the prone form sprawled on the sofa.
Mulder looked so innocent in the soft half-light bathing the room, almost
like a little boy, she thought.
A small smile creased Scully's face. But as quickly as it formed, the smile
disappeared. She noticed the worried frown twisting Mulder's features. She
knew who he was thinking about, and she felt the empty ache in her heart
return.
Scully walked towards the sofa, intending to sit next to her sullen
partner. She desperately needed to be near him, to hold him and in turn, be
held. She wanted to tell him to let go of the woman from his past, because
there was a woman in Mulder's present who could give him all the love he
had ever desired.
But before she got to him, Mulder's phone rang.
She saw Mulder stir and his faraway look vanished. His gaze settled on
Scully and she noticed the flash of recognition behind his beautiful hazel
eyes. Mulder gave her a lopsided grin, and Scully reluctantly returned it.
"I'll get it," said Scully. She strode over to the desk and picked up the
phone.
"Hello," she said.
There was a pause on the line until she heard, "Agent Scully."
she inwardly groaned. It was Skinner.
"Good evening, sir," Scully replied. She would remain calm. This wasn't the
first time she'd been in Mulder's apartment, right? And it wasn't as if
anything was happening between them.
she joked to herself.
"What can I do for you," she said.
Scully listened intently to Skinner for several minutes. She said nothing.
She could feel the blood draining from her face while the Assistant
Director talked. Mulder must have noticed too, because he was staring at
her with a look of concern on his face. She turned to him and shook her
head slightly. Their wordless communication was second nature to them.
Mulder sank back onto the sofa, knowing that Scully would fill him in when
the time was right.
Then Skinner proceeded to inform Scully of Agent Fowley's medical
condition, which was not hopeful at all. He recited some detailed medical
stats and terminology that he was apparently repeating verbatim from the
doctors he spoke with earlier. Fortunately, Scully understood perfectly,
even if Skinner did not.
She sighed as she glanced over at the still form next to her. "Thank you
sir, I'll let Agent Mulder know," she said finally.
"Agent Scully," Skinner continued. "I don't have to tell you that this case
has gone to hell in a handbasket. Scully could see the frown on his
chiseled features. "Mrs. Reno is not happy about recent developments," he
said.
"We knew there were risks going to the Attorney General," she said.
thought Scully.
"You know what's coming down here," Skinner said.
"Yes, sir."
"They're serious about this, Scully." The urgency in his voice was
apparent.
"I understand," was Scully's cryptic reply.
she wondered.
"I assume that you'll make Agent Mulder aware of this," Skinner said
tiredly.
"I'm...I'm here with him now," she said.
she chided
herself.
She was thankful that Skinner didn't feel the need to press the issue at
this point in time. She had no desire to explain herself or her...problems
to the Assistant Director.
"I'm making a case that his personal involvement has clouded his judgement,
but I don't think the Attorney General's listening," he told her.
Personal involvement? A brief flash of
anger shot through Scully. She ignored it and tried to return her attention
to Skinner.
"I'll communicate that to him," she replied. Scully thought to herself. "Is there anything else, other news?"
Skinner did not disappoint her.
"You should know, Agent Spender is going after Mulder full-bore. He's been
reciting some line about 'alien astronauts' that makes you both look really
bad," he said.
"Right," was her only response. She sighed heavily and continued. "Well,
I'll be here if you need to reach me." She hoped dearly that Skinner
wouldn't read too much into that.
A long pause followed. "All right, Agent Scully," Skinner said finally
before hanging up.
she thought.
"Any news on Diana?" Mulder asked. These were the first words out of his
mouth since Scully had arrived.
Scully felt as if the floor had dropped out from under her. She felt sick
to her stomach, but she managed to push her anguish back down with a
world-weary sigh.
Mulder took no notice of that.
"They have her on maximum pressers," she told her partner. "But she's
barely maintaining her pressure." Scully waited for Mulder's reaction, but
surprisingly, he remained impassive.
"What's Skinner have to say," Mulder continued.
"There are talks going on right now about reassignment," Scully said
softly. She knew Mulder wasn't going to like hearing this. Truth be told,
she liked it even less when Skinner laid it out for *her*.
Mulder turned his head towards his partner.
"For who?" Mulder asked.
"Both of us," she replied.
Now came the worst part. "These talks...included instructions from the
Justice Department to close down the X-Files." She looked expectantly at
Mulder, wondering what he would say or do.
Mulder stared at Scully for a long moment, his slackened features masking
the emotions below, then he turned away from her.
, she thought.
Immediately, an image of Agent Fowley surrounded by tubes, wires and
monitors invaded Scully's mind and she felt the burning embarrassment and
shame. she thought to herself.
"This was all strategized," Mulder began. "Every move...I just couldn't see
it. It was all part of a plan," he said softly.
Mulder was lost in his own private hell. , she
wondered.
"Mulder, whatever you may believe...this time they may have won," she said.
Mulder took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Scully," he said. "I
can't let them do this" Mulder turned to her. "I'm close, I can feel it.
That's why they're doing this." Mulder's eyes glittered in the light, half
of his face darkened by shadow.
Scully took note of what Mulder was saying, and it bothered her. "You keep
saying 'I' a lot, Mulder," she said in an icy voice. "As, I recall, we're
supposed to be in this together." Scully crossed her arms and waited for
his response, the confused emotions she agonized over were immediately
forgotten.
Mulder froze. "I'm sorry, Scully." He looked stricken. "You're right. It's
just...you never wanted this, this quest." Mulder searched for the words,
and seemed to be coming up short.
"Maybe it's for the best, Scully," he said quietly. "After all you've been
through...what's happened to you because of me..."
"Dammit, Mulder!" Scully's voice boomed in the tiny apartment, startling
him. "How can you say that? It's because of what happened to me that this
quest is as much mine as it is yours," she said sternly. "And for your
information, *you* didn't do anything to me, they did! That's why we have
to keep on going, Mulder."
"We have to fight it," she said finally. Scully was unable to maintain her
rage after seeing Mulder's chastised expression. She reached over and
stroked Mulder's cheek. She felt the slight stubble along his jawline, and
she shivered slightly.
Mulder reached up and held Scully's hand to his face. Then he drew her hand
to his lips and lightly kissed her palm.
All the buried feelings for her partner came back to her in a rush. Scully
needed to know how he felt. She wanted Mulder to know what she was feeling
as well.
"Mulder," she murmured. "I have something I need to know...and something I
need to tell you." she thought to herself.
A veil of concern fell over Mulder's features. "What is it?" he said
warily.
And just as Scully was going to speak, Mulder's phone rang.
she thought. She reached for the handset.
"Scully," she said.
"Agent Scully...it's Skinner." The Assistant Director sounded unusually
subdued.
"Yes, sir," Scully replied. "Any news?"
"Actually...there's been an accident in your office."
Alarms went off in Scully's head. Mulder noticed the change in her
demeanor. "What happened?" she asked.
"A fire...there's nothing left," Skinner said apologetically. "I'm sorry,"
he said softly.
"We're on our way," she said before slamming the phone down.
"Damn!" Scully turned to her partner. He was looking expectantly at her,
waiting for an explanation.
She took Mulder's hands into her own and began to speak...
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
FBI Headquarters
Washington D.C.
1:01am
Scully pulled into a space in the J. Edgar Hoover building's underground
parking. As soon as she stopped, Mulder bolted from the car and strode
furiously to the building entrance.
Scully let out a weary sigh and opened her door. she thought to herself.
Scully screwed her eyes shut and leaned heavily on the doorjamb of the car.
And what affected Mulder, affected her as well.
She walked towards the entrance. But just as she reached it, she was
greeted with a shock.
Before she could reach for the handle, the door swung out swiftly. Scully
jumped back in surprise. A head popped out from around the door.
"Scully? Come on," Mulder said. His irritated scowl softened when he saw
the melancholy look on his partner's face. He tenderly extended his hand
towards Scully.
And with a tiny smile on her face, she took it. They entered the building
side by side.
Mulder outpaced Scully once again as they entered the hallway where Skinner
was in conversation with two other agents. Mulder ignored his supervisor
and walked quickly over to the elevator that led to their basement office.
Scully glanced at Skinner, who was giving her a quizzical look. His eyes
silently asked if Mulder was all right. She could only shrug helplessly,
unsure of the answer.
Glancing at the open elevator, Scully realized that there was no way Mulder
was getting down on it, for several firefighters were using it to remove
their equipment and gear.
Then Scully realized that Mulder was gone. She saw the fire escape door
hissing shut.
Without another thought, Scully headed for the door and followed Mulder
down.
She found him stock-still, staring at an unthinkable horror equal to the
many they had faced together over the years. Scully's gaze took in what her
partner was seeing - black, charred desolation. The smoke was still wafting
from various hotspots in the room. She smelled the acrid stench that
permeated every square inch of the small enclosed area.
Scully lamented as she regarded the remnants
of their former office.
Nothing could be saved, she realized sadly. Whomever was responsible for
the fire, they had finally succeeded in shutting down the X-Files
permanently. She turned around to face Mulder and was almost afraid of what
she saw.
She saw the face of a man who had lost everything. Frustration, anger and
sadness all emanated from his wild eyes. They glittered hotly in the harsh
emergency lighting of their former office.
There were no words, she admitted. There was nothing she could say that
would alleviate the pain of a man who has had his life's work utterly
destroyed. As much as she wanted to, as much as she loved Mulder, Scully
knew there was nothing she could do for him.
But she would try.
So, as much for *her* comfort as for her partner, Dana Scully took hold of
Mulder's arms and slowly brought her head to his chest. Her tired sigh
reflected her inner thoughts.
As she predicted, Mulder did not return her embrace. The shock of it all
was too much for him. She understood him - better than anyone else who had
ever known him.
But it still hurt her deeply. She wanted to be held, she wanted to know
that everything was going to be all right. But she knew that she was not
going to get that comfort. Not from Mulder. Not tonight.
She buried her face into Mulder's chest and tried to stifle the tears that
welled up in her eyes. She angrily wiped away the wetness from her cheeks.
She wouldn't allow herself to cry. Not in front of Mulder. Not now. She
sniffled softly, cursing the fact that her nose ran everytime she wept.
Slowly, she came to the realization that a pair of arms were now wrapped
tightly around her shoulders. She took a shuddering breath and looked up
into Mulder's eyes.
"It's okay, Scully," he said sympathetically. "We'll get through this."
He gave her a tiny smirk, realizing how inadequate the words sounded.
But it made all the difference in the world to Scully. She hugged him
tightly around the waist. As long as she had Mulder, she thought. She could
get through anything.
And without thinking, Scully reached up around Mulder's neck and pulled his
lips to her own. She wanted to erase their pain and loss, if only for a
moment. It was an innocent, spur-of-the-moment kiss at first, but then the
two agents drew each other closer and it intensified - five years of
suppressed desire released in one extraordinary instant.
Amidst the dark desolation, something began to blossom. Something had been
awakened. She felt it, and she hoped to dear God that Mulder felt it too.
Someone cleared their throat in the doorway. With a gasp, Scully pulled
away. Mulder's head whipped around.
Assistant Director Skinner stood in the open rectangle of their office
door. The bright beam of the emergency lights out in the hallway faintly
silhouetted him. Scully was reminded of the breathtaking vision of the
seraphim she saw on that fateful night in Alexandria.
Scully blinked her eyes and her mind snapped back to the present. Skinner
approached them.
"No leads yet on the cause," he started. "The fire department thinks it was
arson, so we're reviewing the security tapes to see if we've got
something." Skinner shot a stony glare at the two agents, who by this time,
had given themselves a bit of distance from each other.
Skinner continued to stare. Scully tried not to fidget. Then, Mulder spoke
up. "Sir, if you haven't got anything, then I'll be leaving." Skinner's
eyes narrowed, scrutinizing Mulder. Finally, with a quick motion with his
chin, he let Mulder go.
Mulder turned away, heading for the exit. Scully started to follow, but
Mulder spun around and held out a hand to stop her. She gave him a confused
look.
"Scully, I just need some time to think," he said quietly, so Skinner
couldn't hear.
"Can't we do that together?" she retorted. "We *are* still partners - at
least for the present," she hissed under her breath.
Skinner seemed to be very interested in the charred remains of Mulder's
filing cabinet.
Mulder shook his head. "I'm sorry...I've gotta go." And with that, he
turned away from her and left.
Ditched again, Scully thought. As always.
Scully slowly turned around and walked up to the Assistant Director. His
frown softened after he looked into her sad blue eyes. "Agent
Scully...Dana..." he started to say.
She interrupted him. "Sir, I know this looks bad, with everything that's
happened here and all..." Scully wasn't sure what she was going to say.
Skinner saved her from the embarrassment.
"Extreme circumstances sometimes cause...unexpected things to happen," he
said, the sympathy evident in his voice. He sighed and turned fully towards
her.
"Look, as far as I'm concerned, we've got more important things to worry
about - namely keeping the X-Files alive," he told her in a determined
voice.
Scully felt ashamed. "Of course, sir. You're absolutely right." She nodded
at Skinner. She had almost forgotten that she still had a job to do. She
couldn't let personal problems get in her way, even when her problems
stemmed from her relationship with her partner.
Skinner gently laid his large hand over her slender shoulder. Scully noted
an awkward shyness about him. she
thought. Scully was deeply touched by his gesture.
"Scu...Dana," he started. "Go to him and talk it out. Work everything out
now and come back ready to do your job." He looked around at the darkness
surrounding them. "You two are the best agents I've got, and we have a
tough battle ahead of us. I don't want to lose you to...something like
that," he said.
She gratefully clutched Skinner's hand and said, "Thank you sir. I...we'll
try not to let you down."
Skinner returned his hand to his side and gave her a small smile. "Now get
the hell out of here, Agent Scully," he said gruffly.
Scully smiled at him and replied, "Yes, sir." She headed for the doorway
and left.
Skinner tossed a piece of burnt paper onto Mulder's blackened desktop and
sighed.
Walter Skinner took a last look around at the office, then turned on his
heel and exited.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Washington D.C.
4:10am
He wasn't home. He wasn't at her apartment in Annapolis. He wasn't
answering his cellphone. Mulder had basically disappeared. As Scully drove
around aimlessly in the muggy darkness of the city, she wracked her brain
to figure out where Mulder had gone. Eventually, it hit her.
The Reflecting Pool.
Scully knew that Mulder went there infrequently to think about things. She
had never been there with him, but she remembered him mentioning it once in
conversation. She hoped Mulder was there. She needed to talk to him.
Their future depended on it.
Scully felt that she and Mulder needed to be united if they were going to
fight the closing of the X-Files. She needed to know where she stood with
Mulder.
They would either fight together, or not at all.
Scully parked in the first spot she could find, which wasn't difficult at
this time of the night. She decided to walk the rest of the way, hoping her
guess was correct.
When she finally reached the Pool, she saw him. He was leaning on a bench,
looking outward towards the Pool and the glowing spire of the Washington
Monument in the far background.
She approached him from the rear, making enough noise so as not to startle
him.
"I thought I told you I wanted to think," he said coldly, not looking at
her.
"I won't apologize Mulder," she replied with equal steel in her voice. "You
know we need to talk. You can't avoid me forever."
He remained silent.
She stood at his side, following his gaze. "It really is beautiful when
it's late. The quiet and stillness is comforting, isn't it?" she asked.
She looked up at him and finally, his eyes met hers. Mulder had that
familiar wounded look on his face and she felt her resolve dissipating.
, she said to herself.
She shook her head slightly and looked away.
"It's over, Scully. They've won," he said defeatedly. Mulder sank down onto
the bench, like a balloon deflating. His head sank to his chest.
"How can you say that, Mulder?" she asked him incredulously. "After all
we've been through? How is this any different than those other times?" She
sat next to Mulder on the bench and faced him.
"They're reassigning us, Scully. All my...our files have been destroyed,"
he mumbled. "This time, it's different. This time, they'll stop at nothing
to destroy us. He looked at her sadly and said, "I can't let anything
happen to you, Dana."
She tenderly laid her hand over his. "We're supposed to be in this
together, remember?" she said soothingly. "As long as we're together, it
doesn't matter what they try. They won't win." Scully grasped Mulder's hand
tighter, and was gratified when she felt him return the squeeze.
"Mulder, I..." she started to say. She wanted to talk about what happened
in the office.
"No," he cut in. He reached for Scully's cheek and stroked it softly.
"Let's not talk about that now."
She pulled away from his touch. "Then when, Mulder?" she said angrily.
"When will it be a good time to discuss it? When Fowley's out of the
hospital?" She turned away, the rising heat flooding her cheeks.
Scully squeezed
the bridge of her nose in frustration. She had long ago lost her battle
against the pounding headache.
"That isn't fair, Scully," Mulder said accusingly.
"Isn't it Mulder?" She faced him again. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Mulder sighed. "It was a long time ago, Scully. Ancient past. I just wanted
to forget that part of my life, you know?" Scully noticed that Mulder was
clenching his fists, his knuckles white. She reached over to pry open his
fingers. He looked up and gave her a sheepish look.
"Did you love her?" Scully asked.
He didn't answer for so long, she wondered if he was going to say anything.
Finally he said, "Yes I did. And when she left, I thought I would never
love another woman ever again..." His sentence trailed off, and Scully knew
he had left something unsaid.
He looked up at her. His eyes were glimmering in the dim streetlights.
Scully felt Mulder's gaze boring into her, searching for her soul. She
turned away, frightened that she was so transparent to him.
"Were you wrong, Mulder?" she said cautiously. "Did you find another woman
to love?" She held her breath.
Mulder nodded slowly, then looked down, unable to look into her eyes.
She lightly grasped his chin and lifted it. She looked long and hard at
Mulder, then she said simply, "I love you too, Mulder."
"Scully..." he whispered.
Mulder slowly leaned over and kissed her. Scully threw her arms around
Mulder's neck. He drew her closer by wrapping his arms around her waist.
They kissed deeply and passionately. Scully felt faint. She felt herself
freefalling through the clouds. She saw stars in the darkness behind her
tightly shut eyelids. Mulder raked his tongue across her teeth and Scully
felt herself shudder with desire...
Then she felt the shock of a sudden emptiness and her eyes flew open.
Mulder had abruptly pushed her away. The two of them were breathing
heavily. He looked away from her.
"Mulder, what...what's the matter?" She tried to touch him, but he drew
away and quickly stood up from the bench.
"Scully...I...I can't do this right now," he said hesitantly. "Please, I
don't want to hurt you, but too much has happened. I need to think."
Scully was furious. "Is it her?" she asked loudly. "Tell me the truth,
dammit! Isn't that what you want, the truth? Well, Mulder, *I* want it
too!" She was yelling at him now. She didn't care if anyone heard. She
could give a shit if the D.C. police drove up and arrested her on the spot,
she thought to herself.
Scully stood up. "Is it because of Diana Fowley," she repeated. There was a
sharp edge to her voice that Mulder could not ignore.
"No...yes...I, I don't know, Scully," he mumbled apologetically. "I know I
don't want to be hurt like that again. I couldn't take it if it happened to
us," he said.
She grabbed his arm. "Mulder, you've got to take chances in life!" She
turned him around to face her. "You do it for the X-Files everyday, why
can't you do it for us?" she asked, desperately searching for an answer.
"I'm sorry Scully," he said to her with regret. "I...just can't deal with
this right now." Mulder started to walk away. He turned back and saw his
best friend - a beautiful, tiny, almost fragile woman standing forlornly in
the half-darkness. He loved her. All he wanted to do was rush into her arms
and sweep her off her feet. He wanted to give her back the joy that he had
taken from her. But he couldn't. He wouldn't be able to stand losing her
like he had lost Diana Fowley. He loved Dana Scully, but he had absolutely
no idea what to do about it.
He needed time to think. "I'm sorry," he repeated. Then he swiftly turned
around and disappeared into the night.
Scully stood, staring after Mulder in abject denial. Her mouth hung open.
She was unable to comprehend what had just happened. And when she finally
came to the shocking realization that he was gone, she began to scream.
"MULDER!!!" She wailed. Scully clenched her fists and screamed again at the
top of her lungs, "MULDER!!!"
There was no answer. She expected none.
She sat heavily on the bench and covered her face with her hands.
, she commanded herself.
And then the rain started. It began with a few cold sprinkles, but it soon
deluged Scully with large, wet drops. Scully looked up at the uncaring
night sky and shook her head slowly. She closed her eyes in defeat. A few
seconds later, she was soaked.
The love of her life was gone. Her work was destroyed. She had nothing
left. She felt tired and drained. It all seemed so hopeless to her.
Alone in the downpour with her head in her hands, Dana Scully finally gave
up. She let her guard down and cried. Her shoulders shook, and the
chest-wracking sobs came soon after. She let out a tiny despairing wail,
wondering why all of this was happening. Her life, as well as Mulder's,
seemed to be defined only by loss. The absence of joy in their lives was
absolute.
She held nothing back, no longer stifling or hiding her tears. She felt the
warm wetness on her cheeks mingle with the heavy raindrops dripping down
her face until they were virtually indistinguishable.
The deep silence of the night was broken only by the soft sounds of a
lonely woman crying and the constant pelting of a cold, hard rain...
End
Fade to Black
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Well, well! This story had a heaping helping of Scully Angst and Mulder
Angst, huh?
First off, let me apologize to those readers who feel Scully shouldn't show
her weaknesses. To them, a tough M.D. and Special Agent like Dana Scully
never cries. Never. Well, I have to disagree, as far as MSR goes.
With all the pain and loss Scully's had to deal with over the past five
years, I'm actually surprised that she hasn't gone "postal" yet!
But seriously, I think it would be healthy - especially after this season
ender - for Dana to let some of the hurt out. Crying is healthy, and
regardless of how tough she is, Scully is still a sensitive woman
underneath it all.
I'd like to thank Harriet (Marcusfam1) for suggesting I do an MSR piece on
"The End." It is readers like her who take the time to send writers helpful
feedback that makes the world go round! Thank you!
I have to say this was the most difficult piece I have ever tackled. I just
couldn't get a grip on the right tone for the story. I think Scully may
have ended up a bit too weepy, but the story practically wrote itself and I
didn't want to go back and redo the whole thing! Just try not to beat on me
too much, okay?
I tried to end it so it wouldn't interfere too much with the plot of the
upcoming movie (but I will have no idea if I was successful or not until
June 19). Anyway, I like nice feedback, but I will accept anything. Send
your comments to chadt@aloha.net please! Flames will be shown to the
nearest exit. I'll bet CSM didn't start that fire in the basement, it was
probably all those flames out there on the newsgroups! Ha!