Magnetic Attraction

A RANMA ½ Story

by Dale Stearns

The sounds of violent shouting rang out across the soccer field at Furinkan High School, soon to be replaced with the sounds of violent fighting.

"RANMA!!!" Mousse shouted, "How DARE you kiss my beloved Shampoo!? This time you have gone TOO FAR!" Mousse launched a series of giant maceballs out of his robe toward his opponent, who easily ducked between them at the other end of the field.

"I keep telling you, SHE KISSED ME!!!" Ranma was really, really annoyed by now, but he still wasn’t quite angry at Mousse. Frankly, Mousse was such a pathetic fighter, Ranma doubted anything Mousse could do would ever do more than annoy him.

"Besides," Ranma said, "It’s not like she’d ever go for you anyway!" Ranma knew it was no use arguing. He had this same conversation with Mousse before every fight, and Ranma had won every fight to date. For although Mousse could produce a seemingly endless arsenal of weapons from that robe of his, he was equally lousy at handling each of them, so he could never hope to beat a master fighter like Ranma.

Still, Ranma wanted to avoid a conflict today if he possibly could, because the weather forecast called for rain, and he was hoping to get home before he got caught in it. So continued to talk at the disgruntled Mousse, hoping a little of it might sink in.

"Look," Ranma said, "I don’t even LIKE Shampoo. And the only reason she likes ME is because I beat her in a fight once, and the Amazon law says she has to marry me!"

"But what about ME!?" Mousse asked, shouting to the heavens in frustration.

"I’ve beaten you in fights lots of times..."

"No!" Mousse said sourly, "I mean, why doesn’t she ever notice me!? You say she loves you because you defeated her in battle. Well if that’s the way it works, surely I can win her heart by proving I am stronger than you..."

Ranma thought for a moment. "I don’t think the Amazon laws work that way. Besides, don’t you have some sort of law of your own you have to follow...?"

"Yes..." Mousse dropped his fighting stance and sat down with a sigh. "I would have to defeat Shampoo in a fight to marry her, anyway..." The young magician looked close to tears as he pondered his fate. The camera angles suddenly became less dramatic as the animators realized there wasn’t going to be a big fight scene after all.

"Still," Mousse mused, "The first logical step is to defeat you..."

"Never gonna happen," Ranma sighed. Sure, Ranma might concivably fight at less-than-maximum potential just to get Shampoo off his back, but throwing a fight to an opponent as weak as Mousse was something he simply couldn’t bring himself to do. Besides, he had a reputation of being undefeated, and no serious martial artist could ever give that up willingly.

After a while, Ranma broke the silence. "Why don’t you just fight Shampoo first?" he asked. "Then you would be free to marry her, and she would have to marry you to keep the Amazon law."

Mousse hung his head low. "I’ve already thought of that," he said, "but I don’t think I could ever bring myself to harm my beloved Shampoo..."

Ranma rolled his eyes. The closest thing he had to a "beloved" was Akane, and the two of them fought on a regular basis. Besides, you always hurt the one you love, right? Why did Mousse have such a hard time grasping such a simple concept?

"It’s easy," Ranma told him, "You already know it’s really her who’s chasing after me. So next time you catch us together, just take all of your anger and agression out on her, as fast as possible, without thinking."

Ranma smiled. Acting without thinking had been the one unifying force in his relationship with Akane for years, and Ranma was happy to pass the tip on if it could help him get rid of Shampoo. Granted, his relationship with Akane was only as stable as the roof over their heads, which shattered quite frequently, but it was the only thing Ranma knew about women that had proved in any way consistent over the years. Besides, nothing could really HURT Mousse’s chances with Shampoo, right?

"I don’t know..." Mousse said, "Even if I could bring myself to attack her, she would probably beat me anyway..."

"Well, yes..." Ranma tried to think of something that would make the idea of Mousse winning a fight sound plausible. "But I’ve already beaten her."

"So?"

"So, statistically, you’d have a better chance at beating her than beating me any day."

Mousse suddenly brightened at this. "Hey, you’re right! But how can I start a fight with Shampoo without offending her?"

"Just get her to throw the first punch," Ranma said, "that way it will be her fault..." Ranma thought for a moment, knowing well how easy it was to be caught off-guard when talking to a girl. "I’ll warn you if I think she’s about to sucker-punch you..."

"Oh, come on!" Mousse said, "What difference does it make if the first hit connects or not?"

As if in answer, a deep whistling sound suddenly rang out through the air. Ranma and Mousse looked up to see an old man falling through the sky toward them. It was Happosai. Ranma carefully stepped to one side to avoid breaking his fall.

=CRASH!=

"Oh yeah..." Mousse said. Mousse remembered the one time he had hit a stud on the way up when Shampoo had punched him through the ceiling, and he had no wish to repeat the experience. "Well, thank you Ranma. I hope this works..." As Mousse began to walk off, the sky suddenly darkened, and he removed a huge umbrella from his robe to keep off the rain.

(I wish I knew how he hides such big stuff in that robe...) Ranma thought, but he was really more jelous of the umbrella than anything else. Aproximately two seconds later, the big downpour suddenly started, and the cold water woke Happosai up from his nap/coma as Ranma felt his body start to change.

"Groan... I told Akane I was just trying to make sure her skirt didn’t get caught on anything..." Then Happosai looked up and saw Ranma-chan standing over him.

Ranma-Chan grabbed Happosai by the collar and was about to punch him back into orbit. "YOU LEAVE AKANE ALONE!" she yelled, but then she noticed the strange impression stamped into the old man’s forehead.

"Hey, she was wearing the ring I got her for Christmas!" Unfortunately, Ranma-Chan was so busy studiyng the impression, she forgot all about Happosai. The distraction was only momentary, but it was long enough for Happy to pull a special attack.

"Hentaiken!" Happosai shouted, and did a move that I’d really rather not describe here if it’s all the same to you. "EEEeeeeeewww! Let go!" Ranma-Chan cried, and uppercutted him back up into the sky, leaving him to eventually land again and bother some other female lead character.

"MEN!" Ranma said, shaking her head as she stomped home. She caught herself saying things like that more and more these days.

...................

The next day at school, Ranma was about to dig into his lunch, when his Chi suddenly warned him of an approaching danger...

"RANMA!" A small, feminine pair of arms suddenly wrapped around him from behind and squeezed his ribcage, causing him to drop his lunch on the ground in front of him.

"GAGCH! Shampoo!" Ranma struggled to breathe and flipped his attacker forward over his head. She gracefully landed feet-first on the remains of his lunch. Sure enough, it was the purple-haired chineese girl.

"Shampoo sorry," Shampoo said, "Just so happy to see Ranma after he kiss Shampoo last night!" Shampoo did a little twirl.

"I did NOT kiss you," Ranma said impatiently, "you just caught me off-guard with that Paralysis Chow Mein!" Ranma was lucky for Mousse’s "rescuing Shampoo," or things could have ended a lot worse.

Ranma was hungry. Shampoo followed his gaze down and saw his food all over the ground. "Oh! Shampoo ruin Ranma’s lunch!" Shampoo pouted for a moment, but then a bright smile lit up on her face. "Shampoo know! Come to Nekohanten after school, and Shampoo make special meal just for Ranma!"

Ranma glared up at her, knowing full well that she must have ruined his lunch on purpose to get him to come back to the Nekohanten. "Forget it," he said, "You don’t really expect me to eat any more of your drugged food after what happened yesterday, do you!?"

Shampoo shrugged. "Not as dangerous as when eat Akane’s cooking. Besides, Shampoo promise not try anything!" Shampoo crossed her fingers behind her back.

"Well..." Ranma’s stomach was already growling now that he knew he would miss lunch. Then again, this was Shampoo. "No, forget it. I’m not coming!"

...................

By the end of the day, Ranma had changed his mind. He knew it was probably a trap, but his stomach growling for three periods straight had convinced him that it was worth the risk to get some food.

(I’ll just be extra careful,) Ranma told himself as he raced down the street to the Nekohanten. Then, he suddenly heard a loud crash behind him.

Ranma stopped and spun around, but there was nobody there. Was somebody following him? Ranma paused. Whoever it was certianly was a klutz. (Ah,) Ranma thought, (It must be Akane.)

Ranma decided to let her think she had eluded him. That way, she would either break in and catch them together, and punch Shampoo through the ceiling, or find him harmlessly eating lunch. Of course, she could just as easily punch Ranma through the ceiling, but he hadn’t thought that far ahead.

Ranma entered the Nekohanten to find Shampoo carrying two bowls of an unfamiliar rice dish. One bowl was red, the other blue.

Shampoo giggled. "Shampoo begin to think that Ranma not come after all," she said, holding out the red bowl for him, "But that silly. Only other cook close to school is Akane." The purple-haired Amazon waited for Ranma to take the red bowl.

"You know me," Ranma said, deftly snatching the blue bowl from her, "Anything for food."

"Hmm. Shampoo wonder... Seriously though, it not matter which bowl Ranma take..." Again she offered him the red bowl. "Maybe Shampoo plan for Ranma to take blue bowl?" she teased.

"This one’s fine," he said, "...but you eat some first." Ranma knew Shampoo, and if it didn’t matter which bowl he took, it was more likely that BOTH bowls were drugged than neither.

"Ranma big baby," Shampoo complained, and took a big mouthfull of the rice to prove it was harmless. Ranma knew that Shampoo 1) had a tendancy to overspice her food anyway and 2) especially overdid it when it came to aphrodisiacs, so when two minutes passed without her loosing control, Ranma decided it was harmless and began shoveling the stuff into his mouth with the chopsticks.

(Calculated risk,) he told himself. (Actually, this stuff tastes pretty normal... regular soy sauce... a couple of odd spices...) Ranma thought for a moment. The spices did not taste like Hypnosis Mushrooms, Hug-Me Noodles, Okonourge Ramen Sauce, or any other drug that Shampoo had tried on him in the past. However, she rarely tried the same trick twice, so that didn’t prove anything... Although he didn’t feel anything strange yet...

"Um, Shampoo..." Ranma noticed that she had eaten about as much rice as he had, and neither was showing any ill-effects yet, but he wanted to make sure. "I can’t quite place this flavor," he said carefully, "What did you season the rice with?"

Shampoo suddenly giggled, and Ranma immediately knew he had been tricked into swallowing something, although he still had no idea what. "How Ranma’s tastebuds so sensitive after living with Akane all this time?" she asked with a grin. "Rice is flavored with Magnet Breath Oil!"

Ranma was almost afraid to ask, the stuff had such a weird name. "What is Magnet Breath Oil?" he whispered.

Shampoo smiled again. "Experimental product from ‘Jusenkyou’ catalog. Best customer gets to test new products for free!" Ranma winced as Shampoo’s smile deepened. "Two magnet flavors attract each other; not matter who eats which flavor. Ranma had better breathe through nose..."

She suddenly got very close and let out a breath of air toward Ranma’s open mouth. Ranma felt his mouth being pulled forward by some unseen force, just like a magnet. But it didn’t have the usual overwhelming effect of Shampoo’s drugged food.

(It’s not even an aphrodesiac,) Ranma realized. (The least she could do is let me THINK that I’m enjoying this...) Their lips met, and Shampoo began kissing greedily, but to Ranma, it was like surgery without an anesthetic.

Ranma felt his stomach lurch, but he realized that it wasn’t a response to Shampoo’s kisses. At least, not directly. As Shampoo was contemplating whether or not to try to slip Ranma the tounge, she began to feel queesy as well.

(Uh oh,) Shampoo thought, (Shampoo feels sick. Must be Magnet Oil, trying to come back up...) It seemed that the oils continued to attract each other even after you swallowed them. How could the designers have missed something so obvious?

Shampoo tried to pull away, but Ranma had already been trying that, and even both of them pulling together couldn’t get them to seperate. Then, they heard a shout from the door to the Nekohanten.

"Akane, help us!" Ranma mumbled into Shampoo’s mouth, "We’re stuck like this... and I think I’m about to be sick!"

But it wasn’t Akane. It was Furinkan’s other clumsy stalker, Mousse.

"Mousse!?" Shampoo suddenly remembered something about magnets, and slid Ranma’s head to the side until their lips seperated. Ranma immediately collapsed onto the table, the magnetic rice from the red bowl clinging to his mouth.

Shampoo saw that, for some reason, Mousse seemed prepared for her impending attack, so she decided to decieve him. Shampoo ran forward crying, "Thank goodness Mousse is here!"

And, just like that, his entire plan was forgotten.

"Mousse!" Ranma shouted, "WATCH OUT!"

Mousse suddenly jumped back just in time to avoid Shampoo’s uppercut.

"Huh...?" Shampoo couldn’t believe Mousse had actually dodged.

What Mousse did next really surprised her.

He retaliated. Hard.

Mousse wasn’t quite sure what happened next. All he knew was, he lashed out with all of his anger, and suddenly he was standing on a pile of road signs, metal mailboxes, bulldozer parts, and hundreds of feet of chain. Mousse didn’t even know what random attack he had pulled, but such is often the case with anything-goes-martial-arts. Many people practice this fighting style without even knowing it.

Mousse could see Shampoo pinned under the pile of scrap. Fortunately, the attack hadn’t really hurt her. Unfortunately, it hadn’t really pinned her, either.

"AAIIEEEEYYAAA!"

Mousse jumped back from the top of the pile just as it started to move. Shampoo tossed most of the metal wreakage up from the floor, and right through the ceiling.

(Got off just in time,) Mousse thought. Then the chains pulled tight, and he was yanked up through the hole anyway, trailing behind the junk. Shampoo watched him shrink into a tiny dot, furiously cutting at the chains with a hacksaw he had pulled from nowhere.

"Funny, Mousse actually improving," Shampoo mused, "And Ranma warn Mousse.

Why?"

But Ranma was already gone. Shampoo saw that he had finished the red bowl of rice, so she began eating from the blue bowl. Soon, the queezyness in her stomach settled, as each piece of rice found a mate and stopped trying to come back up. Shampoo sighed. "Well, that what Shampoo get for using untested product..." She picked up the phone to call the roof repair service, which was on their speed-dial system.

"It was terrible," Mousse said, from under the pile of metal.

"You did pretty good," Ranma said, trying to dig him out. "You just need a little more practice...

"That’s not what I mean," Mouse snapped. "It felt terrible to attack Shampoo like that. I don’t think I could ever do that again..."

Ranma thought for a moment. "You know," he said, "I should have thought of this a lot sooner, but there is one way to beat Shampoo without hurting her..."

"Yeah?" Mousse listened carefully as Ranma explained his plan.

The next afternoon, Ranma was practicing with Akane in the Tendo Dojo.

"Come on," Ranma teased, easily blocking Akane’s repeated punches, "I wanted a fight. You’re giving me a massage." A low raised platform had been errected in the center of dojo, and it was on this that Ranma and Akane were sparring.

Akane redoubled her attacks, further angered by Ranma’s taunts, but Ranma continued to easily block each hit, making faces at her as he parried.

...................

Shampoo walked down the street sadly. As she walked, she fingered the two vials of oil in her pocket, trying to think of a way to make the Magnet Breath Oil work. The problem was, the stuff was completely inedible. (But...) she thought, (Maybe Shampoo can think of other way to use oil...)

Suddenly, Nabiki turned a corner and walked right into Shampoo, completely by accident.

"Oh, hello Shampoo!" Nabiki said. "Going to see Ranma’s big fight today?"

Shampoo looked surprised. "Shampoo not know about fight..." Suddenly, Nabiki clapped her hands over her mouth.

"I’m sorry," Nabiki said, "I thought you knew! Ranma must have wanted to keep the contest a secret from you." She appeared to think about this sudden turn of events. "I guess he would want it kept a secret, considering the way you’ve been after him lately..."

"Tell Shampoo about contest!" Shampoo demanded.

Nabbiki grinned evilly. "Not unless you ask me in proper grammar."

Shampoo made a face. She didn’t have time for games, but the only other option (it was always an option) was to bribe Nabiki, and Shampoo wasn’t sure she had enough on her. So she thought very carefully, trying to remember all the rules she had learned once, but never used.

"Please you tell Shamp... Gomen... Please you tell ME the about a contest... No, that wrong... Please tell you me about the Ranma’s con... PLEASE YOU TELL ME ABOUT CONTEST..." Shampoo broke off swearing in Mandarin and paid Nabiki two thousand yen.

"Ranma got a little too boastful last night, and made a bet with Akane," Mabiki explained. "If Akane can beat him, by KO or ring-out, she gets a kiss..."

Three quick jumps, and Shampoo was out of sight completely.

"That was very convincing," Mousse said, stepping out from behind a tree.

Nabiki immediately turned on him, palm extended. "Two thousand yen," she said expectantly.

"WHAT!? That’s ridiculous!!" Mousse searched his pockets. "The deal was for five-hundred!"

In response, Nabiki held up two small vials of oil. One red, one blue. The glass bottles clinked together, and seemed strangely attracted to each other.

"I know what the original deal was," she said diplomatically, "But I’m sure it’s important for you to find out why Shampoo was carrying these... and the price is now three thousand yen..."

...................

Shampoo burst open the doors to the Tendo Dojo. "RANMA FIGHT SHAMPOO!"

"Fine!" Akane said, "I’m exhausted, anyway!" Drenched in sweat, she hopped down from the platform, swiped Ranma’s sports bottle, and plopped down onto a mat, ringside.

Ranma glanced over to his new opponent. "I suppose you expect the same prize as Akane if you win?" Shampoo nodded eagerly.

Akane frowned. "Ranma, what do you mean pr..."

"Good afternoon, Grandson-In-Law." Akane was interupted by an elderly, one-foot-tall woman standing in the doorway. "Mousse said you were going to fight Shampoo today," Cologne said. "He insisted I come to whitness the outcome."

Ranma thought furiously.

"Now, you realize," Cologne said, "If you beat Shampoo AGAIN in a battle, you’ll push up your wedding date by at least a month..."

Ranma shuddered at the thought. "If she beats me," he said, "Does it make up for me beating her in the first place?"

"Of course not." Cologne grinned in that frightning way only little old ladies can grin. "Besides, if she wins, you have to kiss her. Public displays of affection push up the date by two months."

Akane burned with her blue aroura. "Ranma," she growled, "What is Cologne talking about...?" Ranma thanked his lucky stars that Akane didn’t know any projectile moves as he tried to think of a way out of all this.

Then, suddenly, a sofa slammed into Ranma from the side and knocked him out of the ring, solving all of his problems.

"SHAMPOO!" Mousse pulled the ropes tied to the sofa, neatly retracting it up his sleave. "Now, you must fight ME!" he shouted.

Shampoo glanced over at Cologne, who seemed very disturbed by this sudden turn of events. Then, she shrugged and said "Just make sure you win, child."

"Okay." Shampoo suddenly darted at Mousse, punching rapidly.

"Owowowow!" Mousse did his best to block, then unloaded seven or eight beanbag chairs onto Shampoo.

"What was THAT!?" Ranma snapped. "Mousse, you’ve got to hit harder if you expect to win! Try using attacks that will actually do damage!"

"Sorry..." Mousse leapt back a few feet as Shampoo burst out of the pile of giant beanbags. From the other side of the ring, he sent about thirty bowling balls rolling across the mat towards Shampoo.

"Ung-!" Shampoo tried to step between a few of them, then jumped over the rest, aiming for her opponent’s head.

"Aiiieee-yaaaa!"

At that moment, several things happened.

Shampoo suddenly found herself pummeling a wooden scarecrow.

Mousse turned around to face Shampoo’s back. This was it. One gentle push, and he would win by Ring-Out. Without even hurting Shampoo.

Cologne saw what was about to happen and opened her mouth to warn Shampoo.

Ranma saw that Mousse was hesitating and opened his mouth to warn Mousse.

Akane opened her mouth to ask Ranma what the hell was going on and what was all this about a prize.

And Mousse’s hand flew forward.

And Shampoo ducked.

And Shampoo flipped Mousse out of the ring.

"RING-OUT!"

"Yeeeea!" Shampoo did a flip. "Mousse loose again! Now Ranma fight Shampoo!"

"Ranma," Akane snarled, "What’s all this about a prize?"

"What was that!?" Mouse shouted, standing up angrily. "You SAID it would work!"

The three of them advanced an Ranma, who was gradually backing toward the door. "Umm.... Uh..." Ranma suddenly thought of something. "Hey, Shampoo, don’t you get a kiss from Mousse for beating him?"

Ranma cleverly used the resulting confusion to get punched through the ceiling by Akane, thus making his escape.

...................

Shampoo sighed as she closed the door to her room. She had broken a nail beating her "prize" into unconsciousness.

"Ranma..." Shampoo gazed whistfully past her own reflection as she did her nails. She looked without seeing. One day, Ranma would kiss her. Volintarily. And he would enjoy it, if it killed her.

After her nails, Shampoo toutched up her lipstick. She sighed again. If only he loved her, just for a few minutes, she knew she could show him how wonderful it could be with her. One day she would show him. Show him that they were meant for each other...

Shampoo suddenly dropped the tube of lipstick. It didn’t smell right. Her lips felt sticky... almost oily...

(Oh,no!) Horrified, Shampoo touched her finger to her lips. Orange oil, thin and metalic, was mixed with the lipstick. She heard a noise behind her and knew it had to be Mousse.

Shampoo spun around. There he was, his lips tinged with blue.

"No...Stay back..."

Mousse slowly advanced. "You earned this, my love..."

"Grandma, Help!" Shampoo wailed. "Stay back! Shampoo kill Mousse!"

"It’s still worth it!" Mousse jumped the last few feet, and was up against Shampoo before she could hold him off. The oil pulled their lips together, and held them trapped in that position.

"Mmmmph..." Shampoo tried to pull away, but couldn’t. She felt Mousse kissing her timidly, almost afraid to believe it was finally happening. Then he slowly began kissing her harder.

Shampoo was embaressed. Was this what she had been doing to Ranma all this time? It felt so awkward. For a moment, Shampoo began to regret putting her poor Ranma through this.

Then, Shampoo suddenly became very afraid, because she was starting to enjoy it.

Shampoo wanted to resist, but she couldn’t. It was too tender, too much like what she had always wished Ranma would do. Shampoo found herself kissing him back eagerly. After a few minutes, she opened her mouth and let his tounge in.

All this time, the oils were mixing, and the magnetic field was slowly weakening. Shampoo pushed her tounge into Mousse’s mouth, kissing him back... Then the magnetism all but stopped.

Suddenly, the door burst open, and Shampoo pushed him away with both hands.

Both of their lips were now tinged with purple.

Shampoo punched Mousse through the ceiling.

"Shampoo!" Cologne cried from the doorway. "Are you all right!?"

"I’m okay, Grandma." Shampoo sighed. She needed some time to think...

...................

Mousse didn’t notice it when he narrowly missed colliding with Happosai on the way up. He didn’t notice the seering heat upon reentry. In fact, he barely noticed that he was flying at all.

No, all he could think about, as he fell, was that Shampoo was a surprisingly bad kisser.

THE END

Dale Stearns is 18 and lives in Dorsey, Illinois. His hobbies include watching anime, playing (and creating) video games, and writing. He is currently a senior at Marquette Catholic High School and he plans to attend college next year. "Magnetic Attraction" is his first RANMA 1/2 story.

Anime Images Drawn by Charlotte Noble.