This is the second part of my really big quotes compilation. Enjoy it.
There is no mechanical problem so difficult that
it cannot be solved by brute strength and ignorance.
-- William's Law
When all else fails, read the instructions.
-- Cann's Axiom
When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.
-- Griffin's Thought
The other line moves faster.
-- Ettore's Observation
Proofreading is more effective after publication.
-- Barker
Paper is always strongest at the perforations.
-- Corry
Life is a whole series of circumstances beyond your control.
-- Van Roy's Truism
If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.
-- Leonard Levinson
If you do a job too well, you will get stuck with it.
-- Slous
He who hesitates is not only lost, but several miles from the next freeway exit.
-- Nowlan's Theory
It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
-- Walt Disney
To achieve the impossible, one must think the absurd;
to look where everyone else has looked, but to see what no one else has seen.
98% of all statistics are made up.
It is now proved beyond doubt that smoking is one of the leading causes of
statistics.
-- Fletcher Knebel
There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
-- Benjamin Disraeli
No matter where you go, there you are.
-- Buckaroo Bonzai
In some ways we are more confused than ever, but we feel that we are
confused on a higher level and about more important things.
We're making progress. Things are getting worse at a slower rate.
Things will get better despite our efforts to improve them.
-- Will Rogers
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
-- Harrison's Postulate
After all is said and done, much is said and little is done.
-- Olmstead
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
-- Olivier
The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
-- Altito
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.
-- Pardo
Needs are a function of what other people have.
-- Jone's Principle
Reach out and grep someone.
-- Back of an AT&T T-shirt
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
-- Groucho Marx
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
-- Groucho Marx
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
-- Mae West
Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
-- Ducharme's Precept
Always be sincere, even when you don't mean it.
-- Irene Peter
I'll give you a definite maybe.
-- Samuel Goldwyn
Sometimes you can observe a lot by watching.
-- Yogi Berra
No wonder nobody comes here--it's too crowded.
-- Yogi Berra
Nothing can be done in one trip.
-- Snider
Almost everything in life is easier to get into than out of.
-- Agnes' Law
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
-- Murphy's First Law
Everything takes longer than you think.
-- Murphy's Second Law
Whatever can go wrong,
will go wrong.
-- Murphy's Third Law
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong,
the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
-- Murphy's Fourth Law
If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
-- Murphy's Fifth Law
If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure
can go wrong and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for,
will promptly develop.
-- Murphy's Sixth Law
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
-- Murphy's Seventh Law
After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat itself.
-- Farnsdick's corollary
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
-- Murphy's Eighth Law
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
-- Murphy's Ninth Law
Mother Nature is a bitch.
-- Murphy's Tenth Law
It is impossible to make anything foolproof, because fools are so ingenious.
-- Murphy's Eleventh Law
Murphy was an optimist.
-- O'Toole's Commentary
Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature,
volume, humidity, and other variables, the organism will do as it damn well
pleases.
-- Harvard's Law
Never replicate a successful experiment.
-- Fett's Law
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
-- Finagle's First Law
The real world is a special case.
-- Horngren's Observation
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
-- von Braun
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
-- Stewart's Law of Retroaction
It is not an optical illusion, it just looks like one.
-- Phil White
There are two rules for success...
1) Never tell everything you know.
-- Roger H. Lincoln
When in doubt, predict that the present trend will continue.
-- Merkin's Maxim
The right hand doesn't know that the left hand has been cut off.
-- Paul D. Schmitter
The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its capacity--
the rest is overhead for the operating system.
To iterate is human, to recurse, divine.
-- L. Peter Deutch
To understand recursion, you must first understand recursion.
If you want to make enemies, try to change something.
-- Woodrow Wilson
Great fleas have little fleas upon their backs to bit 'em,
And little fleas have lesser fleas, and so ad infinitum.
And the great fleas themselves, in turn, have greater fleas to go on;
While these again have greater still, and greater still, and so on.
-- August De Morgan
Mostly, when you see programmers, they aren't doing anything.
One of the attractive things about programmers is that you cannot tell
whether or not they are working simply by looking at them.
Very often they're sitting there seemingly drinking coffee and gossiping,
or just staring into space.
What the programmer is trying to do is get a handle on all the individual
and unrelated ideas that are scampering around in his head.
-- Charles M. Strauss
"Diplomacy" is letting them have it your way.
If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
-- Harry S. Truman
Things should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
-- Albert Einstein
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age 18.
-- Albert Einstein
Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced.
A dozen, a gross, and a score,
Plus three times the square root of four,
Divided by seven,
Plus nine times eleven,
Equals nine squared plus zero, no more. (can anyone get this to work?-Shitman)
Anything that is designed to do more than one thing can't do any of them well.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with
sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
-- Galileo Galileo
Truth is. Belief is not required.
-- Gerry Roston
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.
-- Tussman
Once I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.
"I do not want people to be very agreeable,
as it saves me the trouble of liking them
a great deal."
- Jane Austen
-G.B. Burgin
I suppose it is much more comfortable to be mad and not know it than to be
sane andd have one's doubts.
-Nora Ephron
That is the truest sign of insanity - insane people are always sure that
they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that
they are crazy
.
Andvari Huntress
Neurotics build castles in the sky, and psychotics live in them, and people
like me justt pretend to live in them.
-David Letterman
There is a new billboard outside Time Square. It keeps an up-to-minute
count of gun-related crimes in New York. Some goofball is going to shoot
someone just to see the numbers move.
-Angela Monet
Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not
hear the music.
-Susan Sontag
Sanity is a cozy lie.
-Tom Stoppard
The idea that all the people locked up in mental hospitals are sane while
all the people walking about are mad is merely a literary cliche, put about
by people who should be locked up. I assure you there is not much in it.
Taken as a whole, the sane are out there the sick are in here. For example
you are in here because you have delusions that sanepeople are put in
mental hospitals.
I just want to know how people with multiple personalities fill out their
census papers. If you start on fire should you stop, drop and roll, or run
around a bit and freak out the annoying neighbors who always yell at you
for starting fires in the backyard? In the old days, crazy meant something,
now days, everyone is crazy. All you need to start an insane asylum is an
empty room and the right type of people. Even if the voices are not real,
they have some good ideas.
now we move on to good parts of canonical lists
I am Descartes of Borg: I assimilate therefore I am.
I am Caffeine of Borg. Sleep is irrelevant.
I am Fudd of Borg! Pwepawe to be assimiwated!
I am Fudd of Borg. Wesistance is usewess!
I am Homer of Borg. Prepare to be... ooooohh, doughnuts!
I am Shakespeare of Borg. Prepare to be, or not to be, assimilated.
I am Yoda of Borg: Irrelevant the Force is.
Pythagoras of Borg - Distance is irrelevant.
The Borg are coming! Quick, try and look useless.
The Borg: Calm, Cool and Collective.
Anarchy is the base of todays society, without it, we would be in chaos
"Let us arise, let us arise against the oppressors of humanity; all kings,
emperors, presidents of republics, priests of all religions are the true
enemies of the people; let us destroy along with them all juridical, political,
civil and religious institutions."
-Manifesto of anarchists in the Romagna, 1878
"No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room
furniture unless absolutely certain that he can
hold his own in the conversation."
-Fran Liebowitz, on dogs
was that long enough for you?
E-mail me your comments, threats, suggestions, praise, rants, world domination schemes, applications for the future rulers of the world council, and any other stuff you want
