Stolen from various sources..........the bulk is from a Malkavian Quotes file. The rest simply accumulate.
Enjoy
"My Last Quote Sucked So I'm Not Even Going To Try This Time"
-Dan Gouthro, in his signature
"How many boards would the Mongols hoard
if the Mongol hordes got bored?"
- Calvin of "Calvin and Hobbes"
written by Bill Watterson
"Jesus died for your sins. Don't let Him have died in vain. Commit them!"
-From Scott's Page of Evil
"I'm a perfectly good carrot that everyone is trying to carve into a rose.
I have good color and a nice, green, leafy top. When I am carved into a
rose, I wither and turn brown." -Reviving Ophelia
"SANITY IS THE PLAYGROUND FOR THE UNIMAGINATIVE" -Joop Jeans
"Warning. Do not Taunt Happy Fun Malk." -Doc
"Science advances, funeral by
funeral."
-Found by Leigh Ann Brosnihan
If you can't beat them, join them, then beat them
All I want for christmas is a box of smurfs and a hammer
"You are NOT thinking! You're merely being rational!" -Neils Borhg, to
Albert Einstein
"Sometimes I lie awake at night in my bed and I watch the Stars, and I
wonder, where the hell is my ceiling?" -Tiffany-Joanne
"Love is the most refined form of madness." -Alik
"You say 'Sit down, you're rocking the boat!'; I say 'Are you afraid of
getting wet?'" -niebert
"We are all agreed that your theory is crazy. The question which divides us
is whether it is crazy enough to have a chance of being correct. My own
feeling is that it is not crazy enough." -Niels Bohr
"A little nonsense now and then, is relished by the wisest man..." -Willy
Wonka
"...because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad
to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same
time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn,
burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the
stars..." -Kerouac "On the Road"
"At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge
five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote." -Emo
Phillips
"I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump
up and down and run around yelling and screaming...They don't know I'm only
using blanks." -Emo Phillips
"Sanity, you're a madman!" -The Tick
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and it
holds the universe together... -- Carl Zwanzig
"I used to think that anyone doing anything weird was weird. I suddenly
realized that anyone doing anything weird wasn't weird at all and that it
was the people saying they were weird that were weird." -Paul McCartney
LIBRA (Sept 23 - Oct 22) You are the artistic type and have a difficult
time with reality. If you are a man, you are more than likely gay. Chances
for employment and monetary gains are excellent. Most Libra women are
prostitutes. All Libra people die of Venereal disease.
"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between parent and
child." -- former Vice President Dan Quayle
You ever have one of those days where you just wanted to teleport in
somewhere, destroy some giant monsters, do some property damage and then
teleport out?--Scanner
"A shroom a day keeps reality away." -John Snider (this is not entirely true.....read the journal on reality and why it dosen't exist)
"Who are you?" said the caterpillar. Alice replied rather shyly, "I -- I
hardly know, Sir, just at present -- at least I know who I was when I got
up this morning, but I think I must have changed several times since then."
-Alice in Wonderland
Yes, these are a tad demonic, do I look like a demon to you? I thought I
looked like a computer, why me worry then.
Blood is thicker than water, and much tastier. ( he was right)
The human spirit is a very hard thing to kill. Even with a chainsaw. (right again)
DEAR MISS MANNERS -- When someone brings sweet rolls to work for a treat,
is it proper for people to cut them up and leave halves, quarters or
eighths on the plate? GENTLE READER -- Those who bring sweet rolls to work
should not be quartered, much less eighthed. They are only being nice.
Don't eat clowns, they taste funny.
You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
"The toughest time...in anyone's life...is when you have to kill a loved
one just because they're the devil." -Emo Phillips
"Isn't sanity just a one-trick pony anyway? I mean, all you get is that one
trick--rational thinking--but when you're good and crazy, well, the sky's
the limit!" -The Tick
"I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, 'I'm going
to mop the floor with your face.' I said, 'You'll be sorry.' He said, 'Oh,
yeah? Why?' I said, 'Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very
well.'" -Emo Phillips
Being in a minority, even a minority of one, does not make one insane. --
Winston Smith in Orwell's "1984"
"Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not true. I
have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk." -- Steven King,
3/8/90
Jesus saves sinners...and redeems them for valuable cash prizes!
Someone put live piranha in our swimming pool. If we don't swim there
anymore, the piranha will starve.
God is love; Satan is 30 and up one set.
Is the glass half empty, half full, or twice as large as it needs to be?
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
There's more than one way to skin a cat. Way #15: Krazy Glue and a
toothbrush.
[Warning on knife]: Caution. Blade is sharp. Keep out of children.
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too
dark to read." -- Groucho Marx, 1890-1977
So just what ARE time flies, and why do they like an ARROW?
A friend is someone who will help you move; a GOOD friend is someone who
will help you move a body. (once again, this is true)
"There are a billion people in China. It's not easy to be an individual in
a crowd of more than a billion people. Think of it. More than a BILLION
people. That means even if you're a one-in-a-million type of guy, there are
still a thousand guys exactly like you." -- A. Whitney Brown, _The Big
Picture_
"If the weapon is powerful enough to destroy an entire planet, who are we going to use it against?"
"The Russians"
"If we use it against the Russians, wouldn't that destroy us too? Dosen't anybody look at the big picture?"
"I don't know. It's not in my department"
-From the movie "Real Men"
there are many more lines I could steal....but just watch the movie
"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even
though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who
neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight
that knows not victory nor defeat." -Theodore Roosevelt
Q: "What do you call a malkavian in a box?" A: "Jack" -Happy
"History is written by those in power to justify the present. Memory is the
same thing on a smaller scale." -Unknown
"As children, we all had fears. The thing under the bed, the monsters in
the closet, the boogyman, and Mr. Eyeballplucker, but for a few of us, the
nightmares never go away." -Reshaka
"How we all would run in fear if only we could see inside our own twisted
minds." -Reshaka
"Give a man a fish and he can eat for a day. But give a man a stick of
dynamite and at least he'll die with his stomach full." -Puck
"When I die, I want to go peacefully. Like my grandfather did. In his
sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car." -Jack
Handey, SNL
"Q: Are you schizophrenic? A: The others told you, didn't they?" -"Puck"
"He pauses and peers up at me again to make sure I'm getting it, and I want
to yell out to him Yes, I see: Mexico IS like the walnut; it's brown and
hard and you feel it with your eye and it FEELS like the walnut! You're
making sense, old man, a sense of your own. You're not crazy the way they
think." -Ken Kesey, "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest"
" 'We are lunatics from the hospital up the highway, psycho-ceramics, the
cracked pots of mankind. Would you like me to decipher a Rorschach for you?
No? You must hurry on? Ah, he's gone. Pity.' He turned to McMurphy. 'Never
before did I realize that mental illness could have the aspect of power,
POWER. Think of it: perhaps the more insane a man is, the more powerful he
could become.' " -Ken Kesey, "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest"
" 'We can even have a lobby in Washington,' Harding was saying, 'an
organization. NAAIP. Pressure groups. Big billboards along the highway
showing a babbling schizophrenic running a wrecking machine, bold, red, and
green type: "Hire the Insane". We've got a rosy future, gentlemen.' " -Ken
Kesey, "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest"
"Springfield Psychiatry- Because there may not be bugs all over you." -The
Simpsons
"Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change." -Unknown
"668: The Neighbor of the Beast" -Uriel
"The only difference between me & a madman is that I am not mad."
-Salvadore Dali
"Comfort, commitment, marriage...what do all these things have in common?
The letter 'C'. Well, except for marriage. And if people get all British
when they get hit over the head, what do British people get? I
know! Comatose! Another 'C'..." -The Tick
"If you take a frown and turn it upside-down, the person you are holding by
the ankles will probably pass out after a while." -Patton Moonstone
"Insanity in Sanity, or is it, In Sanity Insanity. Oh well. Either way is
insanity." -Daelen Paul Armegaeddon, Prince of Daytona, Florida
"And ye shall know the truth and the truth shall make you mad." -Aldous
Huxley
"The three words that made me go crazy, 'I Love You'." -Happy
"What is reality?" "Reality is that which, once you stop believing in it,
refuses to go away." -Phillip K. Dick
"I may not have a life, but I'm willing to take one." -Vern Haun
"With a bit of mind flip, You're into the time slip. And nothing will ever
be the same." -"The Time Warp", from The Rocky Horror Picture Show
"Sanity is relative. For some of us, it's just a distant cousin." -B.J.
Zanzibar
"A little Malkav goes a long way, but a lot goes further." -Heather Nicoll
"Personally, I think prolonged periods of sleep deprivation along with
gallons of caffeine gives you a buzz like you wouldn't believe, and later
you remember everything, but not exactly why you did those things to that
cat or why it was so damn funny." -the late dentarthurdent (he is right)
"If people get a kick out of running down pedestrians, you have to let them
do it." -Paul Jacobs
"This means that we have to invent new conceptual artificialities in order
to give an account of what we see when we meet somebody who looks and
behaves like a human being. How do we know he is one?" -Prof. Niklas
Luhmann
"I've tried everything else to convince you. Now I'm going to be sensible."
-unnamed congressman
"I meant to kill my wife, but I forgot my glasses." -accused murderer of a
passerby
"What you see with your eyes is only the surface of reality; look deeper."
-Tanis, Star Trek:Voyager
"When you're in agreement with the sane they're a great comfort and
protection, but when you disagree with them it's another matter. Then
they're dangerous. Then they'll do anything. The sinister thing that struck
the most fear in him was what they'd do in the name of kindness. The ones
he cared about most suddenly, all of them, turned against him the same way
they had against Ellen. They kept saying, 'There's no way we can reach you.
If only we could make you understand.'" -Robert M. Pirsig, "Lila"
"The world is your exercise-book, the pages on which you do your sums. It
is not reality, though you can express reality there if you wish. You are
also free to write nonsense, or lies, or to tear the pages. The original
sin is to limit the Is. Don't." -Richard Bach "Illusions"
"I'm Mad, you see. Every morning I get up and I say to myself 'Good Morning
Mad Gerald, how are you today?' and every morning I say 'I'm completely mad
today thank you.'" -Rupert the Sheep Dog, PhD
molokov: "The man is utterly mad! You're playing a lunatic." the russian:
"That's the problem: he's a brilliant lunatic, and you can never tell which
way he'll jump, like his game is impossible to analyze. You can't dissect
him, predict him...which of course means he's not a lunatic at all."
-Chess, the musical
Ventrue in a ponderous mood "If a man is a dude and a female a dudette,
then what would one call a neuter?" Malkavian:" A dud."
TUGWELL'S BASIC ASSUMPTION: Reality is a hypothesis.
"If someone has to find God, does that mean that God is lost? Why isn't his
face on milk cartons?" -the late dentarhurdent
"I am but mad north by northwest. When the wind is southerly, I know a hawk
from a handsaw." -Shakespeare, Hamlet
"We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad." "How do you know I'm mad?" said
Alice. "You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
-Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
"I put the fun in dysfunctional!" -Michael Rafferty
"I'm crazy! Do you like it?" -Joker
"Hoo, hoo, hoo, hooooooo!" -Tigger
"School makes the eyes useless but oh the pretty things I can see when I
stop looking." -Nightshade
"I choose to be a lunatic because we are the one non-conformist group where
the members aren't all the same." -Rev. Omnicynic, Phoenician Life Cabal
"All mad men see all other men as mad." -J.Lenius
"I got my immortality free inside a box of Wheety-Flakes..." -Chris
McMullen
"Whenever you find that you are a member of the majority, It's time to
reform." -Mark Twain
"Sanity is a cozy lie." -Susan Sontag
"There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased that
line." -Oscar Levant
"Perhaps God is not dead; perhaps God himself is mad." -R.D. Lang
"Of course I'm sane! The voices told me so." -Michael DeRosa
"When you're lo-oo-ny then you just don't give a fig Man's so pu-uu-uuny
and the universe so big If you hurt inside, get certified, and if life
should treat you bad Don't get ee-ee-eeven ... Don't get ee-ee-eeven...
Don't get ee-ee-eeven... G E T M A D ! ! ! ! !" -The Joker, Batman: The
Killing Joke
"As I was walking up the stair, I met a man who wasn't there. He wasn't
there again today. I wish, I wish he'd go away." -Hugh Mearns
"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be mowed down in the
crossfire." -The Nanotech Chronicles by Michael Flynn
"For a while the reveries provided an outlet for his imagination; they were
a satisfactory hint of the unreality of reality, a promise that the rock of
the world was founded securely on a fairy's wing." -The Great Gatsby by F.
Scott Fitxgerald
"Catch ya in the next big bonfire. No that wasn't a threat it was a
joke....Kinda" -Mummu the First
"Do not meddle in the affairs of Malkavians, for you are crunchy and good
with ketchup!" -Dennis Clark
"Robin: You're out of your mind, Joker! Joker: Gloriously so! Isn't it
wonderful?" -Robin and the Joker
"We met as soulmates/ On Paris Island/ We left as inmates/ From an
asylum..." -Billy Joel, "Good night Saigon"
now more and more of this will have to do with Vampire: The Masquerade. This is a RPG involving vampires (but you should have known that from the title)
a lot of this won't make sense............you probably won't notice the difference
"Husha bye baby, hush quite a lot bad babies get rabies and have to be
shot." -Laura Black
"That's the worst thing about Malkavians...you never know whether to shoot
them or listen to them. They'll either lead you right to your goal or try
to get you to go sunbathing. Wouldn't surprise me if God was a Malkavian."
-Capt. Jean St. Dupris, Clan Gangrel
"Try playing a Malkavian. Devote yourself to annoying people in subtle and
creative ways. Misinterpret everything they say. Poke them." -Ashley
"Be wary when you find yourself walking down a path towards knowledge--all
such roads inevitably lead to madness." -Erehwon
"Anything new, anything worth doing, can't be recognized. People don't have
that much vision." -Pablo Picasso
"When you find yourself falling into madness, dive!" -Malkavian saying
"An object at rest cannot be stopped! Yeah, baby, yeah!" -The evil midnight
bomber what bombs at midnight
"Hello, all you boys and girls, I'd like to take you to the inside world.
It's quite an irregular place to be, But never fear, you're safe with
mee... [long pause] (...well, maybe.)" --"Frizzle Fry", Primus
"Though this be madness, yet there is method in't." -Polonius,
Shakespeare's Hamlet
"Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you." -Carl Jung
"Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, but give him a case of
dynamite and soon the village will be showered with mud and seaweed and
unidentifiable chunks of fish." -Joe Chew, alt.folklore.urban
"Who cares for you?! You're nothing but a pack of cards!" -Alice-Alice in
Wonderland
"Ecstasy, Reality in a bottle." -Happy
"If you're going to go off the deep end, can I at least offer you a shower
cap?" -Happy, a.k.a. Moose
"Go crazy? Don't mind if I do!" -Homer Simpson
"This world is a crazy place, and worth fighting for." -Ernest Hemingway
Insanity- Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different
results. Insanity- Doing the same thing over and over and expecting
different results. Insanity- Doing the same thing over and over and
expecting different results.
Insanity- Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different
results.
"All right, let's lay down some ground rules: 1.) Don't mess with a
Malkavian 2.) Don't mess with a Malkavian when there are other Malkavians
around 3.) Do _not_ mess with a Malkavian who's packing enough Dominate to
make you act like a playful puppy (sit, fetch, roll over, play dead....GOOD
BOY!) 4.) Don't mess with a Malkavian (did I forget to mention that?) 5.)
Page XX (see Werewolf: the Apocalypse) Any questions?" -Raven Darksaint
that about does if for the obviously vampiric quotes
now there will be mainly one-liners from other "people"
Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
-- Woody Allen
Reality is what refuses to go away when I stop believing in it.
-- Philip K. Dick
It's always easy to see both sides of an issue we are not particularly
concerned about.
The probability of someone watching you is proportional
to the stupidity of your action.
All generalizations are bad.
-- R. H. Grenier
Dyslexics of the world, untie!
Whining is anger through a small opening.
-- Stuart Smalley
Good students don't "cheat"--they verify.
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
-- Steven Wright
You can't have everything...where would you put it?
-- Steven Wright
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time."
So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
-- Steven Wright
I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards.
I got a full house and four people died.
-- Steven Wright
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
-- Steven Wright
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
I think I've forgotten this before.
-- Steven Wright
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is; it's always room temperature.
-- Steven Wright
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
-- Steven Wright
I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem.
-- Brilliant
Inside every small problem is a large problem struggling to get out.
If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it.
-- Kasspe
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
-- Manly's Maxim
Complex problems have simple, easy to understand, wrong answers.
-- Grossman's Misquote
Only someone who understands something absolutely
can explain it so no one else can understand it.
-- Rudnicki's Nobel Prize Principle
If you don't understand it, it must be intuitively obvious.
I wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence.
There's a knob called "brightness," but that doesn't work.
Any time you get a mouthful of hot soup, the next thing you do will be wrong.
-- Zall's First Law
How long a minute is, depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
-- Zall's Second Law
If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing.
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
-- Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair
Any tool, when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner.
-- Anthony's Law of the Workshop
Anything dropped in the bathroom falls in the toilet.
-- Flucard's Corollary
Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three major categories:
those that don't work, those that break down, and those that get lost.
-- Russell Baker
The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
-- Ehrlich
If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
-- Lowery's Law
