Looking for the will to survive
Knowing deep down that you must stay alive
Fighting the battles that cannot be won
Standing your ground when you just want to run
Surrounded by friends though you feel all alone
The work in your life all a bored endless drone
Thinking the future is not in your hands
Drowning your sorrows with death metal bands
Waiting for your problems to all go away
Waiting to see a much sunnier day
Watching the horizon to see the sun set
Thinking that what you see is what you get
But knowing the truth is as cold as hard ice
Life is not pleasant and life is not nice.
Friendship is such a fragile thing
Easily broken
Easily changed
Suddenly gone for no reaason at all
Nothing you say can change how they feel
They know it's not you, not your fault, not your ways
But still the hurt feelings can leave you in a daze
So this is a goodbye to friendships gone by
Thanks for the good times and the times that we cried
But friendship is fragile and soon it will die
So look on toward the future and hold on for life
To the friends left behind that love you for yourself
I will always feel pain at the ones that I lost
But I'll feel joy as I make it with the friends that I kept.
I thought I was alone
But I am not
I was full of hate
Now I'm filled with love
I used to want life to end as quickly as it began
Now I wish it would go on forever
I used to frown and cry a lot
But now I have a reason to smile
I wondered what I had done to deserve such a miserable life
Now I wonder why I deserve such love
Don't ever leave me
For I can not stand
Without you
You are gentle and kind
You are Love itself
I need you
I love you
Life is now a blessing
And I am no longer alone.
Jealousy is an evil thing
It takes you by surprise
Even when you don't think
You have the right to envy
It sneaks up from the left
The right and everywhere in between
It punctures your skin
And flows into your heart
It makes you feel so inadequate
So detached, so wrong
To know that what you long for
You can never ever have
No matter what anyone says or does
You use whatever means you can
To make it go away
Knives, and flames, and tears, and dreams
You cannot find a way
To make this jealousy
Disappear for good
My memories are like seashells washed up on the sand
Full of death and despair
I walk along gently amongst them
I vow not to pick them up to listen
To the echoes recorded inside
But I trip and fall flat on my face
Accidentally moving a shell out of place
The memory's released
And I feel as though I sinking, sinking, sinking
In quicksand
This trap of this past will never leave me
No matter what I do or say
I can try to keep my promise of forgetfulness
But they will not be thrown back into the sea
Some people think I am a loony
Some are even afraid to come near
But if they will lend an ear
And listen to some of my seashells
Then they will more fully understand
Memories, memories, memories
They are better left untouched and forgotten
That's impossible, yes
But I must go on
Because the future has to be better than the past
What should I do
When the sky turns gray
And I can't see the ground ahead of me?
What should I do
When I feel that even the birds
The squirrels
The bees
Are pointing and laughing and staring
AT ME
Confusion
Paranoia
One day so happy
The next so blue
Like a roller coaster with loops and twists and turns
Wondering if the ticketmaster cares
What nausea and pain you are going through
On that long hard roller coaster called Life
What should I do
When I feel I don't belong?
What should I do
When I feel all alone?
How do I cope?
Do I let out my feelings
Or do I keep them inside?
Confusion
Paranoia
I need to let more people in
But I have this big wall
Surrounding me
Hard and made with bricks
It's 20 feet tall and 4 feet thick
I'm suffocating
Will the world notice?
Will I become a statistic?
The only sunshine I can grasp
Is the one I love
For he is the only one
Who has climbed my wall
And jumped inside
To hold me tight
Will someone please help me?
Links to other sites in the Fortress
Message from the Author
people have been here since May 10, 1998.
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