STATION SECURITY BULLETINS
INTRUDER ALERT sounded throughout the station today! This Daily Babylon reporter brings you the following exclusive report, from
an interview with none other than 'Mr. Station Security' himself, Michael Garibaldi......."Mr. Garibaldi, in your own words, please
describe for me what all the commotion and sirens were about today?"....."Well, I would be glad to Mimi, oh..and by the way, just love
your paper, so does my parakeet!"..."Fine..Fine..Mr. G., just the facts please!"..."Well, it seems an alien ship appeared today a few
kilometers off the port side of the station, I mean, just outa nowhere! Well, naturally this sets of the ##@@&%)* alarms, and.."..."Look,
Mr. G., I said just the facts please, and kindly remember I'm a lady!!"..."ALLRIGHT!!!, now where was I? Oh yes, well anyways, once
the alarms start, I get this message on my wrist com that there is an intruder in Captain Sheridan's apartment who has just appeared outa
thin air. I just happened to be conviently right outside his quarters, so I busts the door in. I stepped in and raised my blazer
and......"Hey! Garibaldi! I told yous I was a lady!!".."Oh chill out Mimi, I was refering to my side arms, sheeze. Anyhow, there was this
babe just standing there. She kept on saying something about being commander Katy Mildew of the starship Voyeur, or somethin, and
something about a Delta Quadrant, whatever the hell that is, and oh yes, something about looking for home. So she keeps on a ramblen
this same stuff, all the while edging closer to Sheridan with a gleam in her eyes, when all of a sudden, she was jumped from behind by
the Minbar Ambassador-Delenn, who by the way is the Caps roomie. A fierce slap fight ensued that would have made the Earth-Minbari
war look like a friendly game of bridge! So, after a while, that is after the Captain & I placed our bets, the Captain bravely seperated the
two chics, ya now what I'm sayen? Two minutes of huffing and puffing, Delenn got back her breath enough to say "You stupid bitch!
Your on the wrong set again! Read my lips....you are on the Bab-5 set, not the Voyeur set!" Well Mimi, another slap fight broke out untill
this Katydid Mildew chic apparently had enough. She mysteriousy started to fade away after mumbling something about beam me up
Choctay, or somethin."....."Thank you Mr. Garibaldi for that indepth, if somewhat tiresome account. And we will be bringing you any
updates as they occur. This is your roven reporter Mimi Zit, for the Daily Babylon."
WANTED FOR QUESTIONING: Minbari Ambassador Lennier {A.K.A. Will Robinson} for charges of lewd and untastefull conduct at a
certain station latrine. A Ms. Talia, bringing the above charges to the station security, last Friday, claims that at the ladies lounge of
public latrine # 60, outer deck, she caught [Quote] "That miserable little bone head peeping at me through the ventilation shaft!"
[Unquote] Asked how she could possibly know that anyone was 'peeping' at her from something as far away and inconspicuous as a
ventilation shaft, she haughtly countered that.."I saw the little weasel in my mind, and besides, he was salivatating so much, it was
dripping through the airshaft screen!" The Ambassador was not available for comment. The Ambassador's roomies, a Doctor Smith and a
Mr. Robot were question by station security today. The doctor would only volunteer "Oh, the pain, the pain", while Mr. Robot would
only offer.."Does not compute", and then burnt out his logistic circuit, flailing his hose arms in such a frenzy that he bonked the good
Doctor flat out cold.
WANTED FOR QUESTIONING: the Minbari Ambassador Delenn, for defacing public property at the station's main thoroughfare late
Saturday night. The Ambassador's roomie, a captain John Sheridan, when questioned about the charges being brought against the
Ambassador, is reported to have said to security chief Garibaldi..."Oh yes!. My babe Mira often leaves our flat loaded down with cans of
spray paint, magic markers, you name it. She likes to write on walls things like..."For a good time, contact Anna Sheridan at Shadow city,
collect!. I even saw her draw a pretty good likeness of Anna in lipstick shade # 4, blood red, at a bar Downbelow, with the caption 'Anna
is a slut'. One time, she called "Stellar Pizza" delivery, and ordered 3,478 family size boxes of pizza, with anchovies, and said she was
Anna calling from Shadow city. Of course this worked out very well for the Shadows, as they like pizza, and collected all the anchovies and
sent them parcel post to the Vorlon homeworld! I think this is why the Vorlons are pissed and going on a rampage."