The End of Suffering by Mulderslady Last Part of the Tough Love Universe DISCLAIMER: They don't belong to me, wish they did. Only Skyler Wilson, Jayson Cooper, Meg and do. RATING: R to NC-17 CLASSIFICATION: A, Slash, Mulder/other KEYWORDS: Slash, Mulder/other, Skyler and Mulder angst SPOILERS: none URL: www.geocities.com/Area51/Capsule/extreme1.html FEEDBACK: Please! at damacia@home.com ARCHIVE: Oh yeah, anywhere!! SUMMARY: It's been six months since Skyler's betrayal. Can they pick up the pieces and start over or is it too late? Part of the Tough Love Universe. *******************%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% See I know what we got to do You let go and I'll let go too Cause no one's hurt me more than you And no one ever will Ex-Factor by Lauren Hill *******************%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Mulder waited in the cold exam room for the lab results to come back. I hate hospitals, he thought as he looked at Scully with nervous eyes. "You're going to be fine Mulder." She said softly with a smile. "What if I'm not? I trusted Sky, we never used . . ." "I'll be right here every step of the way if you're not." Mulder sighed heavily and took out his wallet. He fingered the picture of Skyler he had in the front. "I still love him Scully. If he came through that door begging for forgiveness, I'd take him back." Scully ruffled his hair and hugged him tightly "I ache for Skyler." "It's okay Mulder, it's going to hurt but we are going to get you through this." "It's been 6 months Scully and I haven't gotten through it, even with seeing Meg everyday." Mulder said frustrated. She flashed him a sad smile as the doctor came in. "Hey Dr. Tate, how are you?" "Fine, how are you feeling?" Dr. Tate asked concerned. "Ok . . ." "Where's Skyler? Gotten used to seeing him fussing over you when you're sick." Dr. Tate said with a smile "Skyler's the reason I'm getting all these tests run." "What?! Don't tell me . . . he . . . really? How long ago?" "About 6 months." "Ok were you just worried or have you been feeling sick?" Dr. Tate asked with renewed concern. "Just worried. I found out that the guy he cheated with was HIV positive and I . . .I was just worried." "Well the only thing you need to worry about is your cholesterol, your fine Agent Mulder." "Thank you." Mulder said as he started to leave. "Keep your chin up Mulder, you'll find somebody new I promise." Dr. Tate said, patting Mulder lightly on the back "Yeah, but I won't find another like Sky." Meg's office "Your progress is amazing Skyler." Meg said after there session. "Seems like your finally accepting your sexuality." "Thank you. I'm still not coming out and I still am not toning down my column." Skyler said matter of factly "I wouldn't dream of you doing that." Meg said with a smile "So what now Skyler?" "What do you mean?" "Mulder." Skyler took a deep breath and exhaled it heavily. "I want him back so bad it hurts, but he refuses to answer my calls, pages, email, snail mail." "Maybe you should move on?" "NO I can't! I can't. I want Mulder. I will only be with Mulder." Meg smiled sadly "If only you had figured this out 6 months ago." "Yeah, hindsight's 20/20." "He's been seeing me everyday. He's still heartbroken Skyler." "I'm sure he is. That was the ultimate betrayal of trust." "He's working through it slowly. He's just starting to date again." Skyler sighed again, running his hands through his hair. "Do you still want Mulder?" "God yes." "How much?" "Like my next breath. I miss him so much. Its . . .it's an ache that won't go away." "Then I think it's time to do something about it, don't you?" 6 weeks later Skyler watched as Mulder waited outside the restaurant. I've tried everything to get him to talk with me. He's avoiding me like the plague, why? Who's he waiting for? Scully? Skinner? A handsome man with dark brown hair got out of a cab and touched him lightly on the shoulder. Mulder smiled . . . really smiled at the man as they walked into the restaurant. This calls for investigation, Skyler thought as he fixed his tie and walked into the restaurant. "How was work?" the man said after they ordered. "Ok it's been light recently." Mulder responded nonchalantly as he took a sip of wine. "Good more time for us then. You know Fox, I really like you." "Yeah I really like you too Jayson." "Call me Jay." Jayson said placing his hand over Mulder's with a smile. He's handsome, Skyler thought tall, well built, dark blue eyes, cropped brown hair, a sculptured looking face, perfect mouth, he hasn't stopped touching Mulder since he arrived. He's my perfect replacement. "I love that color on you Fox, it really brings out your eyes." Jayson said, moving his hand to touch Mulder's face. Mulder moved from his touch, flinching slightly at his words "Thank you Jay, I . . ." "Who was he?" "Hmm?" Mulder asked as their dinner arrived. "Who broke your heart?" "Long story." "Got time." Mulder smiled defeated "He was a long term relationship, 2 1/2 years I . . . I helped him work through a lot of things. We . . . we were committed to each other." Jayson raised an eyebrow and brushed a lock of Mulder's hair from his face. He's let it get longer since we were together, Skyler thought as he gazed at Mulder, it's really brings out the natural waves that length. Looks like he's put on more muscle too. I wonder how long they've dated, Skyler thought with a sigh as he downed his drink quickly, asking for another as he continued watching them. "Committed? Married?" "No better, we promised that . . . never mind. We were committed." Jayson nodded with understanding as Mulder continued. "Then he goes out and cheats on me, not once but twice, with the same guy for no good reason. God it hurt. He'd done it before, early in our relationship, I should have known then . . . I . . ." "You loved him, it was hard. I'd never do that to you Fox." Jayson said, placing his hand back over Mulder's. "I wish you would let me in Fox. I could make you forget. You can love again, let me be the man you love." Mulder pulled his hand away from Jayson's quickly, shakily taking a sip of wine. "You've mourned your relationship how long?" "Six months" "Six months. I think it's enough. I . . ." "What are you saying Jayson, just spit it out?" Mulder said sharply. "I want to sleep with you tonight." "What?!" "I'm sorry I . . . I've been thinking about it since I met you. I've never been this taken with someone before Fox. I want to give you all of me." Mulder twitched uncomfortably in his chair, he could feel himself hardening at the thought of making love to Jayson. He blushed furiously when Jayson moved his hand to his thigh, letting his thumb run up and down his leg lightly. "Jay . . . I don't know. I . . ." "Please Fox? You know you want it." Mulder looked into his electrifying blue eyes and smiled nervously. "Waiter? Check please!" Mulder's apartment Skyler followed them up to the apartment, watching in horror as Jayson kissed Mulder hungrily as they stumbled through the door. Oh god please don't . . . Mulder don't, Skyler thought as he went to the door and unlocked it with his spare key. He walked in quietly, they didn't notice as they stripped each other of their clothes. "Oh god you taste good Jay." Mulder groaned as he tore from Jayson's lips, pushing the naked man into the bedroom. Mulder unbuttoned his pants slowly, letting them slid down his legs as he stepped towards the bed. "You are so beautiful Fox." Jayson said breathlessly as he moved onto the bed. "How do you . . ." "I want to watch you. I want to watch you make love to me. I want to see how you look . . ." Mulder put a finger over his lips, silencing his excited pleas. He pushed down his boxers, putting on a condom quickly, getting the lube. "God you're big, it's going to feel like heaven when you're inside me." Mulder smiled and put a lubed finger in Jason rectum gently, smiling when Jayson writhed under his hand from want. Skyler stood outside the bedroom door watching, remembering how he felt when Mulder would touch him like that. Stop Mulder please stop, he thought as Mulder removed his fingers and moved Jayson closer to him, placing his legs on his shoulders. Jayson closed his eyes, waiting for Mulder to enter him, opening them when he didn't feel him inside. "Fox?" "I'm sorry Jay, give me a second." Mulder said, trembling slightly. "It's okay." Jayson said, letting his fingertips trace up and down Mulder's sides. "I want you, I won't hurt you Fox." Mulder looked into Jayson's loving blue eyes and smiled "I know you won't." He said as he entered him quickly. Jason gasped, throwing his head back against the bed, as he cried out "GEEZ!" "You ok?" Mulder asked concerned "Yes!" Mulder chuckled and started to thrust into him slowly. "You feel so good Jay, god it's been too long." "Harder please Fox, Harder." Mulder increased the intensity of his thrusts till they came to a blinding release. "OH god, OH Fox, Oh yes!" Jayson said as he calmed, cuddling into Mulder under the sheets. "I think I love you." Mulder laughed "Your just excited, calm down Jay." "No , no I think I'm in love with you." "Sure what ever, we'll talk more in the morning." Mulder said, snuggling into his pillow and closing his eyes. Skyler ran out of the apartment, barely making outside before he threw up. Next morning Mulder turned and looked into amused blue eyes. "Scully?" "Yeah and who's this?" she said smiling at him brightly, pointing to Jayson, who was contentedly curled around Mulder. "Jay . . . Jayson." Mulder said with a smile "Well he must have been good, haven't seen you smile for awhile." Mulder blushed and sat up "He was very nice." Jayson stirred, clutching at Mulder tighter. "Where you going?" he asked sleepily. "I have to get ready for work." Jayson grumbled in disappointment and opened his eyes. "Oh! Sorry who's this?" Jason said, blushing slightly. "This is my partner Dr. Dana Scully. Jayson Cooper." "Hi nice to meet you Jayson." "Same here." "I'll give you 20 Mulder. We have a meeting with Skinner first thing." Scully said leaving the bedroom. Mulder slipped on his boxers and sat on the edge of the bed to collect himself. Jayson ran his fingertips up Mulder's back, smiling when he turned to look at him. "Hey." "Hey." "Lunch later? So we can talk?" Jayson asked softly. "Sure 1 ok?" 12:45 Skyler went down to the basement and watched Mulder and Scully talking. He fixed his tie and took a deep breath. You can do this Skyler, you can do this, he thought as he knocked on the door and walked in. All conversation stopped. Mulder looked stricken, Scully looked ready to drop kick him. "What are you doing here?" she asked viciously, starting towards him. "Scully no, it's okay." Mulder said holding her back, "Hey Sky how are you?" "Ok I'd be better if I still had you, here." Skyler said, handing him a single red rose. "Thank you I . . . I gotta go, I'm meeting someone." "I know. I saw you with him last night." Mulder sighed heavily at Skyler's jealous tone. "Sky, I told you we're over. You broke my heart and I can't go back this time. I'm sorry. Thank you for the flower." Skyler nodded and turned to leave almost running into Jayson. "Hey Fox, oh excuse me. Why in the world do they have the best agents in the basement?" "More closet space." Mulder said with a smile. Jayson looked at the rose in Mulder's hand and Skyler as he got on the elevator. "Who was that?" "Nobody. Here Scully." Mulder said, handing her the rose Skyler had given him, "See you later." Lunch "I'm sorry if I seem needy." Jayson said as he placed his hand over Mulder's. "No, no it's ok I like it. It's very flattering. It's been a while." "Can I come over tonight?" "Jay . . ." "God you were great I . . .it's been awhile since I was made love to with such intensity." Mulder blushed, turning crimson when Jayson started to caress his thigh. "Am I embarrassing you?" "No well . . .no. Your intensity is infectious." "You're infectious Fox. You're like a drug I can't get enough of. I'm a hopeless Fox Mulder junkie." Mulder laughed "God your sappy." "My curse, so can I spend the night again?" "Sure." 6 weeks later Mulder laid back on the bed, while Jayson kissed and caressed him tenderly. I never thought I'd feel this way again, he thought gasping when Jayson took him into his mouth. He licked and suckled at him like he was candy. Mulder was quickly on edge, clutching at Jayson's hair as he thrust into his mouth. Jayson swallowed him down in gulps, cleaning him off, worshipping him with his lips as Mulder calmed. "What are you doing to me Jay?" "Trying to make you forget. Trying to make you love me instead of him." "You're doing a good job." Jayson smiled and placed a lubed finger in Mulder's rectum tentatively. "Can I?" "Can you what?" Mulder asked confused. "Can I make love to you Fox?" Mulder nodded "Need a condom." "Ok." Jayson said, putting on a condom, quickly lubing and prepping Mulder. He stared into Mulder' muddy eyes and sighed as he entered him. Mulder looked at Jayson confused when he started to cry. "Jay you alright?" he asked as he brushed tears from Jayson's eyes "Yeah, I've just dreamed about this for months . .. and you . . . good lord you feel good." Mulder laughed and Jayson started to thrust into him. "Jayson?" Mulder said, when he didn't feel him next to him the next morning. "Hey sorry, making you some coffee." "Jay . . ." "I'm sorry I wigged out on you last night. It was . . ." "Jay . . . " Jayson moved closer to him, cuddling into him more, kissing his neck gently "What?" "I love you." Jayson smiled brightly, and sighed. "Thank you." Mulder kissed him hard. Jayson pulled away and got up quickly. "Want some coffee? How do you like it? Breakfast?" "I'm fine Jay. I need some more sleep." "K I'll make sure I'm . . . " "Come back to bed." "But I . . ." "I want to hold you." Jayson climbed in next to him quickly as Mulder wrapped his arms around him, holding him tight as he fell back to sleep. Megs office Three days later "Well you look better Mulder. Scully tells me . . ." "I've met some one." Mulder said excitedly, shocking Meg. "Well my . . . I . . . " "This is so . . . hold on you have to meet him." Mulder said getting up and motioning for Jayson to come in. Mulder smiled as Jayson came into the room. "Jayson, this is Meg." "Hi." He said with a smile, his eyes barely leaving Mulder for a second. "Meg conversed for awhile and smiled sadly when they left. Poor Skyler, doesn't stand a chance. Jayson is affectionate, in touch with his sexuality, and completely head over heels for Mulder. And Mulder, I haven't seen him this happy in years. She smiled as Skyler came in. "Hey Skyler." "Hi, so you've met him." Skyler said sadly. "Who?" "Mulder's new lover. I saw them as they left. Charming, handsome, totally in love with Mulder." Skyler said with a defeated sigh. "Skyler . . ." "He's moved on, I guess I should move on too huh?" "Skyler, there's still . . ." "He's everything I wasn't, affectionate in public and private, he worships Mulder that's got to be flattering." "I'm so sorry Skyler." "Thanks Meg. It's all my fault I'm not with him now. I think Jayson's better for him anyway. Mulder needs some one like that in his life. I'm giving up." Skyler said softly, hugging Meg tightly. "Thank you Meg." "You going to be ok Sky?" Meg asked concerned. "Yeah I'll be okay. I know what I need to do now." 2 days later Long ago and far away I loved a man. A man so great, so loving that I couldn't stand to let him love me. So I did everything in my power to make him see that I was not the one he needed. No matter what I did or how I tried, he persevered and stood by my side till I did the ultimate act. A betrayal of trust so great nothing could forgive it. It was only after that I realized I needed him. That he was more necessary to me than the air I breathed, by then it was too late. He had found some one more worthy to love. No matter how I tried there was no convincing him otherwise. So I end this column, this miserable existence, end this suffering with a revelation. Yes, I am gay. It took me years, and the love of my life to realize it. I loved a man that if you met, you would find hard not to love and cherish. I am writing this last column as a warning. Don't follow my path, don't deny who you are it, only makes you unhappy, it only causes you pain. I love you my beautiful Fox, my wild spirit and I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I caused you so much pain. I hope you're happy, I hope you stay that way. It is what you deserve, it is your destiny. Mike read the column in his hands and chewed his lip lightly. A suicide note, his last column was a suicide note. God Skyler why? He thought as he watched the corner zip his body up in the body bag. He watched his landlord try and clean the brain and blood off the wall, watched his Mulder's distress as he tried to rationalize why in his mind. Jason touched Mulder's shoulder gently and gathered him to him as he sobbed. "No Sky, no why? I loved you, I loved you." Mulder said through hiccuping sobs, "I loved you"