The Road Back to Grace by Mulderslady DISCLAIMER: They don't belong to me, wish they did. Only Clarice, Dan, Mark, and Fox Jr. belong to me RATING: P.G.-13 to mild R CLASSIFICATION: S, A, MT, MSR, and MS married KEYWORDS: MSR, MT, Scully and Mulder angst, MS married SPOILERS: Slight reference to Silence of the Lambs URL: http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Capsule/5160/recoverysgrace.html FEEDBACK: Please!!! at damacia@home.com ARCHIVE: Oh yeah, anywhere!! SUMMARY: Takes place 3 days after Fall from Grace, Mulder starts to cope with his demons and regain his life. This is the third part of the Recovery's Grace Universe, a series of stories dealing with Mulder's recovery. ************************************************************* In all the darkness I feel like letting go If all of the strength and all of the courage, come and lift me from this place I know I can love you much better than this Full of grace Full of Grace By Sarah M. ************************************************************* The nurse watched Mulder warily, she'd heard about this one. The most violent of the patients on this ward. He put Big Mike out of commission for days with that blow to the head. Even his doctor is scared to go in by himself, and now he expects me to go in there by MYSELF to give him some meds he refused earlier, a shot of diazepam and put an IV in him. He's NUTS! She came in quietly, he was tied down to the bed, and appeared to be asleep. She turned away from him slightly, and put her stuff on the tray next to his bed when she heard a gravely voice eerily say, "Hello Clarice." She turned quickly to see him looking at her, his face contorted in a devilish grin. He looked at her nametag and his evil smile faded into an amused grin. "I'm sorry I was just playing, I didn't know your name was really Clarice. It's just they have me locked down like I'm Hannibal Lector, I thought I'd have some fun. I'm sorry if I scared you." Clarice smiled and allowed herself to look at the man, this Fox Mulder. Nice looking, really nice looking, amazing hazel eyes, a strong jaw line, perfect pouty lips, a head full of spiky chestnut hair, his voice was naturally rough, and smoky sounding. She felt at ease with him "Mr. Mulder, I have your meds, your diazepam injection and I have to put an IV in ok? Lets get your meds out of the way first." Mulder nodded and opened his mouth as she dropped the pills in his mouth and gave him some water to wash them down. Mulder sighed heavily and looked to his right, as she gave him his shot. Clarice followed his gaze to the blanket thrown across the reclining chair to the right of Mulder's bed. "Where is she?" "Who Mr. Mulder?" "Scully, she was right there." "I don't know, I'll look for her when I'm done." "No, I need her here now." "I can't . . ." "I said I need her . . ." Mulder started viciously then his tone changing quickly as a petite red head walked in his room "Never mind." He smiled at the woman who leaned over and kissed him softly on the lips. "Hey Sweetheart, what are they doing to you now?" "Meds and IV" Scully nodded and moved her chair closer to Mulder's bed. Clarice looked up briefly when she felt an intense gaze on her and was confronted by ocean blue eyes. "Hello I'm Dr. Dana Scully-Mulder, his wife." "Nice to meet you, I'm Clarice. I think I'm going to be his regular nurse." Scully nodded and looked back at Mulder, whose eyes hadn't left her since she entered the room. Clarice tightened the tourniquet around Mulder's lower arm and looked for a good vein for his IV. "If you don't mind me saying so, they have the best luck right there with an 18 gauge needle." Scully said pointing to a huge vein along the side of Mulder's wrist. Clarice looked at her strangely for a second, then went for the vein. Perfect, Flashback! She thought as she attached the IV tubing and taped it in place. "He's in the hospital a lot." Scully explained as she ran her fingers through Mulder's wayward locks. He moved his head into her hand and let out a contented purr. "Thank you Clarice, nice meeting you." 8 p.m. A heart-wrenching scream echoed through out the ward as Clarice ran to the source, Mulder's room. Two male nurse were trying to hold him down while the doctor examined his stomach wound. "Hold him!" "We're trying! Dang it! Oohpf!" Mulder ripped out of the Velcro restraints, giving one of the nurses a jaw shaking right hook and pushing his doctor out of the way as he bolted from the room screaming "Scully!! Scully!!" Clarice ran and hit the lock down button, locking all the exit doors on the floor. Mulder ran to the door and tried to open it. He stopped and appeared to calm until he saw something and started banging on the door frantically "Scully!! Sculleeee!!!!" Clarice looked to see his wife on the other side, looking slightly confused. "Grab him." The doctor said as two nurses dragged Mulder to the ground. Mulder kicked, and flailed and screamed as he went into the throes of a Grand mal seizure. " A sedative now!" "No, no sedative! He's on Diazepam, it will interact! He's having a seizure! Get those guys off him!" Scully screamed through the glass. Hearing her voice Mulder calmed, coming out of the seizure and refocusing on her. He pried from the nurses renewed grips and started banging on the door again. "Mulder! Mulder! Calm down, calm." Mulder slowed his pounding and looked at Scully with frightened eyes. "Scully." "Yes Mulder shh, everything is ok. I'm here, calm down please. They will let me in, but you need to calm down and go back to your room ok." "But . . ." "Do it right now or they won't let me in okay." Scully ran her fingertips lightly across the glass as if caressing his face. Mulder closed his eyes and imagined her fingers floating gently across his face and opened them, looking at her lovingly. "Go on Mulder, I'll be right there." Mulder nodded and walked calmly back to his room, the doctor and the nurses stared at each other in amazement. Clarice unlocked the door and Scully stormed in. "What do you think you were doing?!" she asked sternly. "Checking his stitches." "You know he has a aversion to being touched, don't do that again without me there. I'll never be able to leave this floor not even for dinner. Jeez! Come on, he should have calmed down." "See what I tell you Clarice, Crazy! He needs to be in a state mental institute, not here. We aren't equipped for this." One of the nurses who just tussled with Mulder said "He's just scared and lost. She's his only sure thing in life, he'll be alright as long as he has her." Clarice said, watching through the glass as the doctor examined Mulder's stitches. Mulder reached for his wife's hand and squeezed it lightly. 1 week later "Hello Mr. Mulder. I'm Mark, your new therapist." "Hi." Mulder said, holding Scully's hand tighter as he sat down. "Mrs. Mulder if you could leave us, I wanted to talk with Fox alone for a while." "No! She stays and don't call me Fox! Just Mulder." "Mr. Mulder, I can't have her here during your sessions. It's a private time and . . ." "No, she stays." "No, she doesn't." Mulder stood up and started towards, him growing to full height, his hair was standing on end, his fists clenched, his breathing erratic. "Yes, she will." "You have a definite authority problem, I said no." "Who do you think your talking to? I'm not a child or some insane idiot you can tell what to do. I am a FBI agent and a certified psychologist, and I'll tell you one more time she stays. It's my right as a patient to decide who listens in on my therapy session and I'm using it!" "Mr. Mulder sit down!" "No!" "Yes, sit!" "No" "Mulder sit down please." Scully said lightly touching his arm. Mulder sat down quickly, glaring at Mark. "Mark, I'm sure you're a great therapist, but obviously you're not used to dealing with someone like Mulder. Do you have any suggestions for a new therapist?" "Daniel Evans, down the hall." Mark said still in shock. "Thank you, Mulder come on." Mulder got up and followed her out quickly. Daniel met them at the door. "I heard the commotion thought you'd be heading my way soon. Dan Evans nice to meet you Mulder." Mulder nodded and entered the office. "Now Mulder first things first, why do you want your wife to attend your sessions?" "I feel safe with her here." "You feel safe? Why don't you feel safe without her?" "Cause when she's not there, I get hurt by people and things. She's always kept me safe, backed me up, I trust her." "You trust her. Do you love her?" "Yes, without trust there is no love. I love a lot of people, but I only trust Scully." Mulder said softly, surprised he was asked that. "Ok, she stays." "I'll be in the corner doing paperwork if you need me Mulder." Mulder nodded and pulled her down to him and kissed her gently on the lips "Ok lets get started, let's see the recent stuff first, then work on the past ok? Tell me how your sister died." Mulder told him in a quick detached manner. "Ok now tell me how you felt when you saw that, when you saw your sister with that gun to her head." "I was upset, furious and scared." "Scared? What were you scared of?" "Scared I'd have a seizure from all the stress, scared he'd kill her before I ever got to know her, scared he'd kill me or Scully." "How did you feel when you held you sister and she was dying in your arms?" "Useless, worthless, weak." "Weak?" "It should have been me who died not her, she did nothing wrong." "And you did?" "Yes. It was my fault I got hit by that truck, my fault I was a burden on Scully, my fault I started having seizures so bad I have to wear a helmet to prevent head injuries. It's my fault he chose her at all, and it's my fault that she was missing in the first place. She didn't deserve to die like that." "And you did?" "Yes." " Is that why you cut yourself, tried to shoot yourself and OD'd on your meds, mixing them with alcohol?" "Yes." "You needed to feel that pain?" "As penance for everything I 'd done, I needed to suffer." "Do you still need to suffer?" "Yes, but I can't do that." "Why not?" "Cause Scully needs me here with her." "Do you know why?" "The same reason I need her. I make her feel safe, I'm the only one she trusts." "Ok I think you deserve a break. I'll come by your room and see how you're doing later ok?" Mulder nodded and stood up reaching for Scully's hand. What a piece of work, he has past abuse issues mixing with his recent memories. I need more background information on his past abuse. He's going to be a challenge, but I can do it, Dan thought as he looked over Mulder's file. 9 p.m. Scully was asleep in the recliner the blanket bundled tight around her. Mulder watched her sleep, he ached to hold her, to touch her, kiss her, make love to her. How long had it been? A couple of weeks since that last fated sexual encounter. He fiddled with his restraints undoing one hand then the other. Scully would kill him if she found out how he did that. He went over to her and smoothed her hair out of her face, she shifted and sighed softly. Mulder smiled, running his thumb lightly across her cheek. "Mulder?" Scully said softly. "Yeah it's me Scully, I miss you. I hate sleeping alone." Scully smiled and leaned into his hand. Mulder untangled the blanket and picked her up gently. He sat in the recliner and cradled her against his chest, his fingers playing in her hair. "Comfy?" he asked, hugging her tighter to him. "Yeah, Mulder?" "Hmm?" "I miss you too." Mulder kissed her forehead lightly and sighed heavily. "I'm trying Scully, I really am. I just feel responsible for everything." "You shouldn't, none of this is your fault. Once you work through that, you can go home." "I don't need to be here, all I need is you Scully." "I wasn't enough when you OD'd on all your meds and that drug cocktail and . . .how did you get out of your restraints Mulder?" "My secret. That drug cocktail actually tasted really good though. Took the edge off the vodka." Scully giggled "It's been a long time since I heard you laugh." "Hopefully you hear it more as you improve. Your mom's coming to see you tomorrow." "Is she mad?" "Mad? No, shocked that Samantha was alive at all. She thought for sure she was dead." "Think she'll be . . ." "No you tried your best to save her, she knows that. You killed the man who killed her, exacted revenge. She can't hate you, you're her only child left. No wonder you can't sleep." "What do you mean?" "These heavy thought questions your asking would keep me up." Mulder laughed slightly. "I love you Scully. I was thinking maybe later in the year . . ." "That's your problem, you always thinking G-man. Give yourself a break and relax, go to sleep." Scully said snuggling into him more. "I was thinking maybe we could go on a trip somewhere. Then I was thinking we could get a nice little house, in a cute little neighborhood, settle down, have a couple of kids . . ." Scully tensed and looked up at Mulder. "What? What I say?" "Mulder I can't . . . we'll talk about this in the morning." "No now, what did I say? I don't like upsetting you." "Kids, I can't have kids Mulder. I would love to, but I'm sterile." "Oh well ok then. Settle down and have a couple of dogs." Scully chuckled "Probably better I don't have kids anyway. I don't want to pass on defective Mulder genes." "I'd love to pass on defective Mulder genes, Mulder." Mulder smiled and hugged her tighter. "What you need to concentrate on Mulder, is getting better, and getting out of here so you can book that cruise to Hawaii." "I don't recall saying anything about a Hawaiian cruise." "I did." Mulder smiled, kissed her forehead and settled in for the night. 9 a.m. Clarice and Dan came in to check on Mulder. "I need to give him his meds and make sure he's securely tied down before you can start ok?" "Ok, I'll make sure I stay out of the way." Clarice opened the door and gasped loudly. "He's not in his bed, where . . ." she turned to see him in the recliner clutching something with red hair to his chest. "How did he get out of his restraints?" Dan smiled. Clever little bastard, he thought as he said "Don't disturb him yet, I want to see something." Dan went over to Mulder and lightly tugged on Scully. Mulder tightened his grip and let out a rumbling growl as he shifted slightly in the chair. "Ok, go ahead " Clarice walked over and touched Mulder's shoulder shaking him lightly. "Mr. Mulder?" "Shh, she's asleep don't wake her." "I need to give you your meds and stuff ok?" Mulder nodded, gently lifting Scully off him and placing her in the recliner. He smoothed her hair out of her face tenderly as he brought the blanket around her and went back to his bed. "How did you get out of your restraints?" "My secret." "If your doctor had saw you, you'd be tied down with leather straps, don't do that again." "I'll try not to. Hello Dan, you're early." "Well I thought I'd spend the day with you." "Really? Don't have any other patients hmm?" "Well let's say you're my first priority." "And this hospitals last priority?" "They keep me around for patients like you." Mulder smiled "The first smile of the day that's good." "Depends." "What do you mean?" "You're the psychiatrist, figure it out. If you'll excuse me, they're finally letting me take a shower unsupervised and I would like to savor the moment." Dan smiled and went over to Scully, watching her sleep. She's a very strong, beautiful woman, why is she staying with him? Standing by him? Love and Trust? Security? Does she know about his past? Dan moved closer and brushed a lock of red hair out of her face, she sighed softly and leaned in his hand slightly, only to pull away, opening her eyes quickly. "Dan? Hey, didn't know you were here." "You were sleeping pretty hard. Long night?" "Yeah, he as in snuggle bunny mode." "Snuggle bunny mode?" Dan asked amused "Oops, sorry, he was in a cuddling and talking kind of mood." "Snuggle bunny . . . ok. Do you mind if I ask what you talked about?" "His mom visiting today and what we're going to do when we get out of here." "We?" "Till he's comfortable, I'm just as much a patient here as him. If I'm not here when he wakes up or comes back to his room he gets scared and violent. I have to be here every waking moment in order to keep him under control." "Guess you are a patient. I need to ask you about Mulder's history. Has he ever told you about any past abuse?" "Yes, no details just that his dad was less than gentle with him His mom confirmed the abuse, she'll be more of a help to you on the matter." "Has he exhibited any erratic behavior in the past?" "Oh yeah, erratic was practically his middle name. They call him Spooky at work cause of it." "Spooky." Dan leaned forward and held her hands between his. "You two haven't been married long, have you?" "No, just a little over 3 months." "So this trust he has in you . . ." "We were partners for 7 years before the accident since then we've well . . ." "I see, now Dana . . ." Dan started only to turn when he heard an animal-like growl. He felt himself lifted gruffly off his chair and thrown against the wall. "Get your hands off her! Don't touch her!" "Fox, I'm sorry. . . " "Don't call me Fox and keep your hands away from her!" "Ok I'm sorry Mulder." "Mulder! Come here, sit down. Stop that right now." Scully said sharply. Mulder calmed instantly and kneeled down in front of Scully. "Are you ok?" "I'm fine Mulder, fine. He wasn't hurting me I'm okay." "I don't like him touching you." "Ok calm down. Take a deep breath. You're going to have a seizure if you don't stay calm." Mulder nodded and she kissed him on the forehead lightly. "Go sit on your bed." Mulder got up and sat calmly on the bed "Mr. Mulder if you want, I'll give you a shave before you start your session." Clarice said coming in with a shaivng kit. Mulder smiled "Why didn't you let me do that when I was in the shower?" "Well um . .. " "Something in my chart about not giving me sharp objects?" "Well . . ." "What makes you think I'd let you . . " "Mulder, stop being mean. Clarice, I'll do it if you don't mind, he seems to be in a mood ." "Thank you, I'll be back with his noon meds." "I don't know why you like to give people a hard time." Scully said, rising and stretching, "I'm going to clean up and I'll be back." "While she's gone, maybe we could talk." "Sure thing Dan. Why were you holding her hands like that?" "Uh . . . those aren't the questions I wanted to ask." "They're the questions I wanted to ask." "I always do that, I'm a touchy kind of guy." "Well, don't be a touchy kind of guy with Scully, ok?" "Ok, why?" "Cause I don't want you to." "Why, what are you afraid of?" "She'll leave me." "Why?" "Cause I'm a freak, cause I'm a messed up, weak man and Scully deserves better than me. I don't know why she doesn't leave me. She really should you know. Now don't touch her!" "Ok I won't. You have abandonment issues why?" Mulder shrugged and stretched a little. He looked at the shaving kit and smiled "Was that your order?" "What the razor? Yes. The doctor told me about your violent outbursts and your previous proclivity with sharp objects, so I decided it was a good idea." "You know, I could pick up this razor, throw it at your head and kill you right now. I've done it before." "Yes." "Are you aware of how many times I've imagined doing that since I met you?" "No, how many?" "Nine, your really getting on my nerves." Dan gasped slightly and Mulder chuckled. "That was a joke Dan. See, everyone thinks I'm crazier that a loon here, even you. They tie me down, drug me up, talk to me like I'm stupid. I hate it here, but I have no hope of leaving till people like you decide I'm no longer suicidal or violent." "So what are you going to do?" "Tell you what you want to hear, so I can get out of here. This psycho crap your going to feed me isn't what I need." "And hurting yourself is?" "Maybe, maybe not. But if I hurt myself, I hurt Scully, so I won't." "Do you always do what Scully tells you?" "I didn't use to, but I do now. I love Scully, I don't want to hurt her again. I was a real jerk to her for a couple of months then we started dating, and then I had my accident." "You think that was your fault?" "No, not anymore." "Mulder look . . ." Dan was interrupted by Scully coming back into the room. Her hair pulled back into a ponytail still a little damp, she had on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. She padded over to Mulder barefoot. "Ok lets get you shaved." Scully put a little shaving cream on then stopped. " You know Mulder I kinda like . . ." "Shave it off Scully." "Only if you promise to grow it back when we go home." "Scully . . ." "Just for a month, please for me." She said pouting slightly, Mulder caved in "Okay." Scully smiled and applied more shaving cream. "Alright, here we go." She straddled his legs sitting on his lap and concentrated on shaving him. Halfway through, Mulder's hand moved to hold Scully's as she shaved him "Stop Mulder, you're distracting me." He removed his hand and propped himself up. Scully wiped the extra shaving cream off him and unstraddled his legs, kissing him soundly on the lips. "Mulder, I'm going to go get some breakfast. You play nice till I get back okay and don't act up when the doctor comes in." Mulder nodded and kissed her again, trying to insert his tongue and taste her. Scully broke away and gave him THE LOOK before leaving. 3 weeks later. "But he's not ready to go!" "Sure Dan, what ever. He's responding to the nurses and doctors well, he hasn't had anymore suicide attempts, his stomach wound has healed. He's expressed a desire to go home, and there is no reason for him to stay." "He's just doing what you want him to. He hasn't changed, if something else happens it will set it off again." "Well the future is the future, right now he's fine and I believe he's ready to leave." Dan sighed, there is no way I'm going to win this and he nodded defeated. Mulder walked out to the car greeted by Scully and a furiously barking Fox jr. "I know mommy has one in the car for me to put on Fox, don't worry." "Come on G-man, your going to love the surprises I got for you when we get home." Mulder put on his helmet and smiled "Am I? How much?" Home 4 p.m. Mulder grunted with effort as he thrust into Scully "Oh I missed this Scully. I missed you so much." "I know Mulder, I love you." The doorbell rang loudly, followed by a knock. "Great! It's probably mom coming to check on you." "Well she can wait till we're finished." "Mulder!" "Just a few more minutes, I'm close." Scully ran her fingers lightly along his back and kissed him hungrily on the lips. Mulder released Scully from his grasp and placed little kisses along her neck and shoulders "I think they left." "I hope so I don't feel like moving." The knock came again and Scully sighed heavily "Guess not, I'll be back." Scully said pulling on her underwear and wrapping her robe around her, making sure she looked presentable before answering the door. She looked out the peephole to see Dan and opened the door. "Dan hello, what are you doing here?" Fox jr. ran over to the man and sniffed him eyeing him suspiciously. "Just came by to see Mulder, he has to see me everyday as part of the condition of his release." "Oh ok, I'll get him . . ." "What are you doing here?" Mulder asked viciously, walking over to Dan in his boxers, staring him down. "I'm your counselor, it's part of your condition of release that I see you everyday." "Why you? Why now?" "Well if right now is a bad time, I can come back." "Yes it . . ." "Mulder." Scully in a warning tone. "Fine." "Here, you two can talk in the living room. I'll be in the study if you need me Mulder okay?" Mulder nodded, pulled her into a hungry before letting her go. "Um your dogs not . . ." "Dog stays." "Why?" "He's my epilepsy dog he senses my seizures. Never leaves my side, names Fox jr." "Fox jr.?" Dan asked amused "Yeah, his name was Fox, but then so's mine, so we decided it would be easier." "Gotcha, so how are things going?" "They were going great till you showed up." "Why?" "You're interrupting." Dan nodded and looked at his lack of dress "Do you always wear so little clothes in the house?" he teased "Only when I'm interrupted." "Oh." He's not in a playful mood, Dan thought, mentally making a note not to interrupt them during sex again. " Look, is there some reason you came by, cause I'd really like to go back to what I was doing." I'm sure you do, Dan thought as he said "I just wanted to let you know that I'm your counselor and set up a time to see you." "3 p.m. is fine, meet me here. Is that it? Can you leave now?" "Yes, bye Mulder, have a good rest of your day." Dan reached out his hand to shake Mulder's. Mulder rose and brushed past him, throwing Dan an annoyed look as he headed to the study. "Hey sweetie, you two done?" "Yeah, come here." Dan watched as Scully smiled and walked over to Mulder, hugging him tightly. He scooped her up quickly in his arms and she giggled as he carried her back to the bedroom and shut the door. Dan smiled blushing slightly as he left. 3 days later 3 p.m. "Hey Mulder finally caught up with you. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were avoiding me." "Maybe I was." "Nice helmet." "Thanks." "Why do you have it on in the . . ." "Seizures." "Oh ok. I was reading your files, and it says you don't remember anything from before the accident so, how did you know the answers to . . ." "My mom filled me in and I . . . my sister's abduction came back to me during my seizures." "They must be serious." "What?" "Your seizures." "Yes. I could drop at anytime, I didn't at the hospital cause they had me so doped up on diazepam and everything else. When I did have them, they were quick." "Look Mulder, your going to talk to me, whether you like it or not. If you don't talk with me, I can make a recommendation that you be institutionalized." "Why do you have it out for me Dan? What have I done? I'm fine, I'm home, I'm back to my routine, I'm fine. Leave me alone!" "No, not till you sort through your issues." "What issues? Things I don't remember from before my accident? This none of this is my fault crap? That's not the reason you're here, is it? The reason your here is so you can hopefully sneak a peek at Scully." "Whoa . . . " "Admit it." "Your wife is a strong and very beautiful woman and I . . ." "Don't want you near her. You touch her and I'll kill you, understand?" "Yes, see that's an issue, you have abandonment low self esteem issues. That's what I'm here for, you need to talk with me about those things Mulder before you spiral out of control." "Is our time up yet? I have a report I need to finish." "Yes we're done. I'll see you tomorrow Mulder." 2 weeks later 3 p.m. Scully opened the door and let Dan in. "Hey, you're usually not home." "I am today, Mulder got in to a fight at work." "A fight?" "I don't know what it was about, we just got home. He's got a pretty nasty black eye, but you should see the other guy. Mulder put a whupping on him but good." Scully said putting some ice in a dishrag and heading back in to their bedroom where Mulder laid stretched across the bed. "Well this shirt and tie are ruined." Scully said removing his bloody shirt and tie and his shoes. "Alright G-man under the covers and no complaints when I put the compress on." Mulder nodded and jerked a little when the cold rag touched his face. "What happened baby?" Scully said ruffling his hair lightly. "He said that you didn't really love me, it was a power thing, that I was nothing but a good screw for the Ice Queen." "Oh sweetie you know that's not true." "I know, but it still hurt. Then he called you all kinds of names and I couldn't allow that, so I hit him, but then I couldn't stop hitting him. I went off, I guess. I even hit Skinner by accident." "Does your eye hurt much?" "No, just aches." "Here hold this so I can get you some Tylenol okay?" Mulder nodded "That's not all they said was it Mulder?" He looked at Dan angrily at first, then Scully came back in and his facade crumbled and he started crying. "It's okay Mulder, I'm here. What else happened sweetie?" "He said I was a charity case, that I was a mental cripple and the bureau only keeps me around to look PC. That no one wants me there, and the only reason anyone tolerates me is cause they feel sorry for me." Scully just held him, petting his hair, letting him cry. When his tears dried, she asked "Feel a little better?" Mulder nodded and placed the ice over his eye again. "You've shown him and anyone else that agreed with him that is totally untrue. I think you need to talk to Dan for a while, it will help you believe what I believe." "What's that?" "That you're a very special man and that I love you more than myself, and you're a valuable addition to the human race." Mulder smiled and smoothed her ever present cowlick behind her ear. "Okay, for you." "No Mulder, for you."