The Ritter Files by Mulderslady File Six: Hurtful Pasts and Shopping Sprees DISCLAIMER: They don't belong to me, wish they did. Only Nick, Skyler, Van and Colton James Ritter a.k.a. CJ do. RATING: Pg-13 to R CLASSIFICATION: S, A, M/O, MOR, POV KEYWORDS: Mulder and CJ angst, M/O, MOR, POV SPOILERS: None URL: http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Capsule/5160/ritterfiles.html FEEDBACK: Please!!! at damacia@home.com ARCHIVE: Oh yeah, anywhere!! SUMMARY: CJ Ritter meets her match in the person she least expects it. What if she finally finds out what he's been hiding? What if the person she leans on for comfort and control is the one who needs it? Part of The Ritter Files series ***********************%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% But can you save me, Come on and save me If you could save me from the ranks Of the freaks who suspect they could never love anyone Cause I can tell you know what it's like Save me by Aimee Mann ***********************%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% "It's been 8 weeks since Mulder came home and his cast is finally off. It was on a week longer than expected, because of a muscle tear being deeper than originally thought. He's finally happy and back to his regular routine, giving us time to work on us. Us, it sounds so strange to say thinking of who I'm talking about. I never thought when I first saw Mulder I would ever have these feelings for some one, especially after what happened the last time with Stephen." CJ wrote furiously in her journal unaware Mulder had awakened and was now reading her journal over her shoulder. "But I realize I'm . . . I'm . . ." "Your what?" Mulder said with a smile as he looked over her shoulder at her journal. "Mulder! Stop!" CJ said, covering her journal. He gave her a sly smile, kissing her gently on the cheek. "I'm seriously in love with you too." He said, curling back into his pillow. "That's not what I was going to write smarty pants." "Ah sure and you forget CJ, I'm not wearing any pants." CJ blushed and slapped him with her journal, waiting till he was asleep and finishing her thought. "Where was I? Oh yeah! I realize I'm seriously in love with Mulder, but don't tell him I told you, may give him a big head." CJ smiled and closed her journal, turning off the light and curling into Mulder. 2 weeks later "Mulder never talks about his father. I was talking about mine the other night, but he kept switching back to his mom and him. I have to know what happened." CJ wrote into her journal, closing it and turning off her lamp. "You and your journal have a nice rant?" he said with a smile, nuzzling her neck with his nose, touching just the tip of his tongue behind her ear. Umm, he's getting playful; I'm in for a long night, CJ thought as she turned towards him. "Mulder? What about your father? What's he like?" "What do you mean?" He asked guarded, pulling away from her a little. "You never talk about him." "Don't see him much. He and my mom divorced when I was 18, he wasn't at home much before then." "Mulder . . ." "I . . .no CJ, I can't." CJ nudged him with her nose, running her hand down his face lightly. "Did he do something to you Mulder?" "CJ, I don't want to talk about it." "Mulder . . ." "NO! End of discussion." CJ sighed as he pulled away from her, reaching for his discarded pajama bottoms. Drat, way ta go CJ, got him completely out of the mood now! Well since your not getting any tonight, might as well push a little more, she thought as she asked, "Did he hit you?" Mulder glared at her and got up putting on a pair of jeans, grabbing his jacket and leaving quickly. He slammed the apartment door so hard all the pictures fell off the walls. "Whoa! What was up with the Tiger?" Skyler said coming out of his room confused. "I think I opened up an old wound." CJ said in shock as she started picking up the pictures on the floor. I waited for him to come back breathlessly. He's never done this before, he must really have been mad at me. I hope he forgives me, I hope he comes back, CJ thought as she looked at the clock. 3 a.m. Where are you Mulder? The front door closing and his hesitant footsteps coming to their bedroom door answered her. Even in the darkness I could see the tears running down his cheeks, his red eyes as he stumbled over to me. I could smell the liquor on his breath, the smoke on his clothes, I looked into his haunted eyes and saw the pain in them. He climbed in next to me fully clothed and held me, bursting into heart wrenching sobs. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry Mulder." CJ said running her hands lightly through his hair, trying desperately to soothe his sobs. Mulder nodded, wiping his eyes. "I'm worrying you CJ. I'm sorry, I'll pull it together in a second. God I don't believe I came home like this! I never wanted you to see me like this, drunk off my ass, smelling like a cigarette factory, crying like a baby. I'll pull it together in a minute." "It's ok Mulder. You don't have to be the strong one all the time." Actually it did scare me. I counted on Mulder to be the voice of reason, my pillar, my protector, now the roles were reversed and he needed me to comfort him and I was at a loss as to what to do. "It's just the things he did to me I . . . I don't want to remember them." "Will you tell me about it one day?" "Sure, one day." "K." CJ said, cradling his head against her chest and soothing him to sleep. Mulder was back in his playful mood the next day, and made me breakfast in bed. He kept looking at me strangely and I just couldn't resist anymore. "What's your problem?" CJ asked as she stuffed a piece of bacon in her mouth. "I found something it the bathroom. Something you need to tell me?" he asked with a smile "No." CJ answered, confused slightly "Anything?" "No. Mulder, what are you getting at?" He put a box on my lap and smiled at me. OH shoot, the pregnancy test I bought last week. When my period didn't come on time, I had gotten worried. It was negative and my period came the next day, but I have since switched to the Depo Vera shot; less to worry about, and Mulder seems to like not having to wear a condom. "Mulder . . ." "Are you? I saw one of the tests was gone." "No Mulder, I just over reacted when I was a little late. I'm not pregnant." He sighed heavily "What?" CJ said with a smile "I don't know I just got excited. I thought was going to be a daddy that's all." Mulder said with a disappointed air as he returned the box of pregnancy tests to the bathroom. "Not yet Mulder, not for a long while." "K, well whatcha want to do today? I want to make up for last night. Want to go shopping? I haven't bought you anything for awhile." "You bought me a bunch of stuff last week." "Yeah, that was a long time." CJ giggled and smiled at him lovingly "So want to go shopping?" "Sure Tiger, that sounds good. Let me finish this first. Mulder really gets off on holding my hand. The minute he gets out of the car he reaches for my hand, linking his fingers with mine, this sated smile crosses his face. It's like he just inherited Microsoft. "So what you want?" he asked as his epiphany dissipated. "Some new sneakers, few new suits, and my nails done. Oh and YOU still need a hair cut Shaggy." Though I must admit, I was getting used to running my fingers through it, it was so soft it just floated through my fingers when I touched it. "You don't like it?" Mulder asked, tucking a lock of his hair behind his ear nonchalantly "No, I love your hair short and spiky. You know what I'd really like to see on you?" "Besides blond highlights?" "A beard or goatee." "Hmm I'll try it one day." "Come on Macys!" CJ said, pulling him towards the store. She drug him to the men's section. "Why we over here baby?" "Cause I love how you look in satin and silk shirts and they're on sale." Mulder blushed as she leaned up, kissing him sweetly on the lips "You look good in maroon and blue." CJ said, placing shirts on his chest, "Black too." "You know CJ I could see you married to me." She looked at him and smiled "So could I, and I think that scares me." They emerged from Macys; Mulder loaded down with bags. "You go put those in the car, get a haircut and come back." CJ said kissing him quickly before walking into the nail salon. Mulder put down the bags. "CJ wait!" She turned, acutely aware of some of the other customers watching her. Disapproving stares and whispers swirled around her and she sighed heavily. It happened when ever she went out with Mulder, why do people have to let there ignorance show so vividly?? CJ locked eyes with another young black woman, who mouthed sell out, giving her a dirty look. CJ rolled her eyes and smiled evilly as she decided to fan the flames, walking back to Mulder, kissing him gently on the lips. "What Tiger?" she purred, running her fingers along his cheek. "Here." He said, reaching in his pocket, pulling out two twenty's "Is that enough or do you need more?" "That's fine, thank you Tiger." CJ said, letting her fingers trace his lips before turning and walking back in the salon "Bet you had to pay for your own huh?" CJ said cockily to the young black woman who had given her a dirty look. She hardly recognized him as he walked back to the shop. "Definitely better." CJ said as he sat next to her, letting her inspect his hair. "Good, almost done baby?" "Yeah just airbrushing, like this design?" she flashed him her nails and he nodded in approval. "Where to next?" "Foot locker then THE shoe dept." "Then Zales." "Zales? That's a jewelry store Tiger." "I know, I want to get you something nice." CJ nodded, letting her other hand dry. "What about that one?" Mulder said, pointing to a diamond solitaire. "Those are engagement rings Mulder, over here." He sighed feigning disappointment, CJ laughed "I like emeralds anyway." That Night "How'd you get in here?! You better leave right now! If he sees you here, I don't know what he's going to do!" Mulder and CJ heard Skyler yell as they neared the door to the apartment. "I'll let him be the judge of that." "The judge of what? Sky, what's . . .up?" Mulder froze when he looked into the hazel eyes of his father. "What the fuck are you doing here?!" Mulder said in a tone of voice CJ had never heard him use before. "Is that any way to speak to your father Fox?" So this was his dad, CJ thought as she appraised the man before her. Same height as Mulder, same build, same hair and eye color, but a hard appearance from a life full of secrets and broken promises. "What do you want?" Mulder growled viciously "To see my boy." "I am NOT your boy. I wasn't your boy after . . ." Mulder stopped, looking at CJ concerned. CJ looked back at him confused by his uncharacteristic demeanor "Why don't you take the stuff to our bedroom ok baby?" he said softly, more like the Mulder she knew. CJ nodded, moving quickly. "HOW DARE YOU come here after everything you've done to me?" "Oh please you got this far, didn't you? My being hard on you gave you some initiative." His father said cockily. "All it gave me was pain." "I only did it cause I loved you and wanted you to have the best b. . . " "Don't say that! You didn't love me and beat the shit out of me everyday cause you wanted the best for me." "Watch that mouth boy." His father growled "No I will not! I want you out of my house now! I don't want to ever see you again. I thought I made that crystal clear the last time you popped up at my door step!" Mulder said opening the door and pointing for him to leave. "Look Fox, I don't want to fight, I just want to tell you . . ." "NO! I don't want to hear it! Out now!" "Don't you want to know why I'm here?" "Not particularly, but since you won't leave till you tell me, spill." "I'm dying. I have terminal cancer. I . . ." "Good, it's what you deserve for the hell you put everyone through! Now it's time for you to suffer, and see how it feels. Now get the fuck out of my house!" "Fox, son I'm dying I want to . . ." "Look old man, apologizing now won't make me feel sorry for you. Now get out before I throw you out!" CJ sat on the bed stunned, listening to the confrontation. She had never heard Mulder raise his voice before, say such disrespectful things to anyone; it unnerved her. He stormed into the bedroom, slamming the bathroom door shut. She heard quiet sobs come through the door and opened it slowly. He stood at the sink gripping it so tightly his hands trembled, his knuckles were swirls of red and white. Tears ran down his face as his body shook from his sobs. "Mulder?" Mulder looked up into CJ's eyes, fear crossing his face "Oh god CJ, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry you had to hear that." "It's okay want to tell me about it?" Mulder nodded, reaching for her. He clung to her, crying harder as she led him to the bed. CJ pulled a blanket around them and laid back on her pillow, his head cradled on her chest, rubbing his arms and back reassuringly. "I was 4 years old when he hit me the first time. I just asked him if he'd help me wash my bike. He hauled off and punched me in the face, called me a selfish urchin that wouldn't amount to anything, then he kicked me in the chest." CJ tightened her grip on him. Oh boy this is it, he's going to tell me. "It continued like that for years. He'd go off, punch me here, slap me there, kick me, he always apologized, be real nice to me. But then one day when I was ten, I don't remember what I did, but he came in my room at like one in the morning, pulled me out of my bed and almost beat me to death with a baseball bat. After that it just got worse, he started to hit on my mom, and I would try to stop him. He'd beat me down, then hit her. When I was 15, I think I just got tired of it. I was the same height, same size as him and I fought him back. It went on like that till I turned seventeen and he just left. I graduated, went to Harvard. During the winter break when I came home, mom told me she had divorced him. I didn't see him again till my grandfather's funeral. I told him, I never wanted him in my life again. He was no longer my father." A chill ran through CJ as she listened, Mulder looked up at her. "Hey, you ok?" "I'm fine Mulder, are YOU ok?" "Getting there. CJ, was I too hard on him? He's dying, should I forgive him?" "That's up to you sweetheart." "K I'm going to call my mom see what she thinks." "Ok I'm in the shower." I came out of the shower to come face to face with a smiling Mulder. "I don't know why you like showers so much, a bath is more relaxing." Mulder said as he switched the shower over to bath. "And they are more tempting for you to crawl in with me. I'll take my chances. Talk with your mom?" "Yeah, she said it's up to me. He was up there the first part of the week with the cancer story as she called it. She gave him a hug said he was forgiven, now buzz off." CJ smiled, trying to get out of the bathroom, but Mulder wouldn't budge from the door. "Mulder move." "Why?" "Cause I would like to get dressed and go to bed." "Why you want to get dressed for bed?" "Cause I plan on sleeping tonight and no matter how much you like to, I don t like sleeping butt naked." Another vice I found out about my beloved Mulder. He loves sleeping naked. He'll start out with boxers or pajama bottoms, then sometime during the night they get kicked off. There's nothing like finding a naked man curled around you when you wake up, especially when you were certain they had clothes on when they went to bed. Lately he's just stopped the formality of even putting on anything and just coming to bed naked. "I don't like feeling confined. I want you to wash my back please." He said finally moving and taking off his shirt. CJ watched him undress, the towel still tightly wrapped around her. The pants and socks, undershirt, finally his boxers. He didn't seem concerned at all that he was completely naked and vulnerable in front of her as he started the water in the tub, brushed his teeth. He turned back to CJ, catching her watching him and smiled "See something you like?" CJ pried her eyes from below his waist and locked eyes with him "Maybe, haven't decided yet." He reached for her towel and she stepped back. "Modest." He teased as he picked up his clothes putting them in the hamper. He shut off the water and got in, relaxing into the warm water. CJ came to his side and kneeled next to him. "Feel better Tiger?" "Much." Mulder growled softly, making CJ giggle "GOD you are SO gay!" "WHAT?!!" Mulder said, looking at CJ strangely. "Just sitting here in a bubble bath, next thing you know you'll scream CALGON TAKE ME AWAY!" Mulder laughed "Yeah, but you love my big gay self don't you?" "Sure do, want me to wash your back now?" "Yes please." He said, handing her the washcloth. "So besides Phoebe, anyone else serious in your love life, before me of course." "Before you? Nope, a few girlfriends here and there. I've lead a very solitary life." "SO . . ." "Have you told your family we're back together?" CJ tensed "Guess not, CJ . . ." "I'm not ready yet." "We'll be married with a couple kids before your ready to tell them." CJ smiled "You know, your bringing that up a lot. Something you want to tell me Mulder?" "Nothing I haven't before, I love you and I want to marry you when you're ready, but your not so I patiently wait." Mulder said with an innocent look "After everything I've done to you?" "What did I say about that? It made US stronger." "Mulder . . . I just don't do commitment well." CJ said caressing his hair lightly with just her fingertips "You're doing fine." "AH Mulder . . ." "Would you marry me if I asked you right now?" "No." "Would you marry me if I asked you in the future?" "Yes." "Ok then, a little lower baby." "Have you dated anyone of another race before Tiger?" "OH yeah plenty of times. Couple of Asian girls, Hispanic, one was a full bloodied Cherokee Indian, LOVED her. Then of course you, my beautiful Nubian queen. I've ran into the same problems we have." "Mulder . . .I love you." "I love you too baby, can you wash my hair?" he asked softly. CJ nodded and poured some IC shampoo in her hands, lathering up his hair. He leaned into her as she scrubbed it. "I don't love you the way you should be loved." CJ said in a whisper "What do you mean princess? I love the way you love me. The way you love me is amazing." "I just . . . like today . . ." "What about it? I took my girl shopping. I'd do it every weekend if I didn't have to work. You know how I feel when I go anywhere with you CJ? I feel like the king of the world, like the luckiest man alive and that's just from holding your hand." CJ smiled at him as she rinsed his hair, smoothing it from his face. "I didn't make you mess up your nails, did I?" "No, though I do need to get my hair done." "Anything you need I'm here to provide." "A new car." She teased "What kind?" "I was kidding Mulder." "Oh well, when you get tired of the subway let me know. I'll hook you up with a fly ride." "A fly ride?" "Yeah tint, a system, rims, spoiler, kit . . ." CJ laughed hard. "I can talk the talk like any other wannabe. Hand me a towel, I'm pruning." "K." CJ said, handing him a towel and climbing into bed. He came out, his hair towel dried and wild, towel wrapped around his waist. He sat on CJ's side of the bed and smiled at her. "Pajamas." He teased "Yep." Mulder unbuttoned the top two buttons on her top and cupped her breast fully, gently running his fingers over it, toying with the nipple. His hand moved to her other breast when she stopped it. "What?" Mulder asked concerned "No Mulder, I just want to sleep." "We will eventually." He said with a leer as he moved to kiss her neck. "Mulder no. I don't want to ok?" "Sure." He said with a sigh as he removed the towel and climbed into bed with her. "I really wish you would wear boxers to bed Mulder." "I really wish you would wear nothing to bed CJ" "Opposites attract." She said, turning off the light on her nightstand and snuggling into her pillow. 3 days later "Mulder." "Fox, it's your father." "How'd you get this number?" Mulder asked viciously. "Please hear me out." "You have one minute." "I'm sorry about what I did to you when you were younger, and I know it doesn't make a difference now and I'm not asking for forgiveness. I just want to spend some time with you, find out the person I've never gotten to know cause of my stupidity." "I'm meeting my girlfriend for lunch in 20 minutes you can meet us there. Rutgers on the corner of 20th and main." Mulder said, hanging up forcefully, putting his cell back in his jacket pocket as he walked outside. OH boy his father! CJ thought as she saw him near the restaurant. "It's ok, I invited him." Mulder said when he felt CJ tense. "Hello, I had them make a table from three." Mulder said, flatly to his father as he brushed by him into the restaurant. "Well . . . anything good?" His father said as they got settled at their table. "Everything's good here. Take your pick." Mulder said with added venom. CJ leaned into him and whispered "Don't be so hostile." He nodded and relaxed a little. "The seafood's always a safe bet and the steak." He said softly, shocking his father. "Well ok thank you Fox. Is this your girlfriend?" "Yes sir, Colton Ritter, my father William Mulder." "Just call me Bill. How long have you two been . . ." "About a year and a half." "Pretty serious then, that's nice, nice to know your settling down." "Yes sir." They chatted amiably through lunch and parted ways with a hug. "There, now hopefully he leaves me alone." Mulder said under his breath as he opened the car door for CJ. "Mulder!" "Ah CJ this may sound cruel, but I think it's over due for him to die. You don't understand, cause your close to your dad. SO, I got the rest of the day off, want to go shopping?" Mulder closed the trunk and reached for CJ's hand as they headed towards Macys. "CJ . . ." Mulder started, stopping, taking a small box out of his pocket and dropping to his knee. "Oh my god Mulder! Get up." CJ said in shock when she realized what was about to happen. "CJ, will you marry me?" CJ gasped and walked away quickly. Mulder dusted off his pants and followed her. "CJ?" "ARE YOU INSANE?!!" she yelled at him as she turned facing him. "No just spooky and desperately in love with you." CJ gave him THE LOOK and turned from him. "You said you'd say yes in the future." "I didn't know it would be 3 days later! I thought months, not days." "I love you CJ, we don't have to get married right now. I just want us engaged . . . I want to be the man you marry later on." "Well you can wait till I'm ready to ask again. GEEZ Mulder! Stop pressuring me! I said I wasn't ready, I'm not ready!" "Ok, OK I'm sorry baby, I'm sorry." Mulder said apologetically, giving her his most pitiful look. CJ sighed and hugged him tightly "I'm sorry I yelled at you Mulder, you can't help the way you feel." Mulder smiled, kissing her temple. "Will you at least look at the ring? Do you like it?" CJ opened the box and looked at the emerald and diamond engagement ring and nodded. "Ok I'll keep it for later." "Much later." Mulder reached out his hand for her and she linked her fingers with his, making his smile brighten. "Have you told your parents about us yet?" "NO." "CJ!" Mulder whined as he opened the door to the store for her. "I need the perfect time to tell them." Mulder gave her THE LOOK. "When's that, at the wedding? Hopefully not another reunion." "NO I'm going to invite them down for awhile." "Subtle aren't you? Someone's been watching guess who's coming to dinner? Too much." "Better than what you've been watching porno boy."