Eternity's Puzzle By Mulderslady Disclaimer: There not mine wish they were, I'd have my BMW Z3 by now. Rating PG-13 mild R Thanks to Andie who indulges me in my flights of fancy and Tonga for her love of Muldertorture, mental and physical. Summary: Mulder is hurt during a raid and must deal with the consequences, physical and mental as he rebuilds his life. Mulder this is crazy" "Come on Scully we got back up coming up the stairs as we speak. We can do it." " Wait Mulder." " What? We'll be fine, plus you're here to back me up Kick-boxing queen." " That's kick-boxing super queen to you."Scully peeked around him seeing the first of the swat team appear out of the stairwell and nodded in agreement. Mulder smiled devilishly and kicked in the door only to fall to the ground in pain, as something flew against the wall. Scully continued on, as the swat team stormed in the apartment, and shot two suspects and tackled another cuffing him quickly. She looked back towards the door and saw the shotgun rigged to the door. "It would have shot the first person who came in the door", she muttered under her breath as she ran to Mulder, who was writhing on the ground in pain. He was screaming like a banshee and holding his left leg, only there was no leg there to hold. Scully's eye widened as she looked around for it, seeing it over in the hallway. She went, grabbed it then screamed "Agent down!! We need a stretcher!!" she took off her jacket, covering the wound. Mulder looked at her with frightened eyes, then went unconscious as the pain got to be too much. Scully paced the floor outside the OR. It had been 22 hrs, what were they doing, she thought. It shouldn't take this long to reattach a limb, there is something wrong. As if the OR heard her thoughts, an exasperated doctor emerged looking around, then coming up to Scully. " Agent Scully?" " yes" " I'm Dr. Anders. I operated on your partner." " So how did it go? He alright?" " Yes he will be, but we were unable to reattach the leg. The blast he sustained, destroyed the bone and muscle in the calf area and the nerves were fried off at the ends. We cut till just above the knee." Scully gasped slightly then gained her composure as he continued. "We fitted him for . . ." " How do you do that? I'm sorry I'm a Medical doctor, but I'm not very familiar with prosthetics." The doctor nodded and explained " To ensure maximum comfort for our patients, we like to fit the prosthesis immediately following amputation. We then apply a removable plaster cast to the site to serve as a socket for a temporary prosthetic limb. Because he was unaware of the amputation, we haven't fitted him with a temporary yet. However the permanent one we have ordered is a more rugged one for his line of work and the company needs two weeks to make it to our specifications. He'll be able to do everything he does now, with maximum comfort and durability. Dr. Scully if you'd like, I'll bring the material on the specific prosthesis, so you'll be able to explain it to him. He'll require extensive Physical therapy though to use it properly, and we'll want to keep him here till we're sure he hasn't acquired an infection. We have him on heavy Demerol, we'll wean him off starting next week." Scully nodded then added, " Can I see his chart? I want to make sure all his drug allergies are stated." The doctor nodded and walked back to get it as Scully exhaled heavily. ****************************************************** ************************ Mulder groggily opened his eyes and looked around. The hospital, why am I here this time? Oh yeah, the raid. Mulder shook his head to try and clear it then looked at his IV, Demerol thought so. He hated that stuff, made him too sluggish too slow witted, too uncoordinated. He felt himself drooling and he reached up to wipe it off. He missed, slapping himself in the face hard. Really too uncoordinated, he thought then he felt something wipe his mouth. He opened his eyes with great effort and saw a flash of red. Mulder smiled and slurred " It's the kick-butt kick-boxing super queen."Scully turned and looked at him. Mulder tried to focus through the haze of pain killer. " Hey Mulder! How do you feel?" " Like I was trampled by a herd of cows. What happened?" " Later you need to rest, you have a fever." Mulder nodded and reached out for her hand. She grabbed his squeezing it lightly. He pulled it to his lips and kissed it, then placed it on top of his head. She smiled and played with his hair till he fell back asleep, only to be awakened when she stopped. He glared at her till she started playing with his hair again, and went back to sleep. 4 days later Mulder sat up as the lunch tray came in. The menu said Campbell's Home style Chicken noodle soup, he could taste it, that has to be best soup in the whole world. His nurse lifted the cover and Mulder's smile fell. Glops of Pink, pale blue, and white filled the tray. " Um, I thought it was soup, chicken noodle?" " Yes, but you need to be on a high protein diet, plus your not keeping solid food down well." " But that's soup! I could keep . . ." "Eat this Mr. Mulder please, or they'll put a feeding tube in." Mulder sighed and shoveled a pile of blue glop in his mouth. It tasted like alka seltzer, antacid, and chalk, its no wonder I can't keep this down. I wouldn't be able to if I tried. Scully came in 2 minutes later with a large bowl of the treasured soup. It smelled heavenly, Mulder looked at her longingly. She looked quickly at the "food" he had and grimaced "Want some?" Mulder nodded enthusiastically as she brought a spoonful of the desirable liquid with luscious chunks of noodle and chicken to his lips. Soup never tasted this good, he vowed never to knock it again as long as he lived. He rolled it around on his tongue, savoring it before he swallowed it. " Here I'll go get some more, you eat this okay?" Mulder smiled a thousand watt smile " I love you Scully" he said happily eating his soup. Mulder polished off the soup, there now I feel better, he thought dropping the spoon noisily in the bowl. " Finished? That took a long time." Scully said moving the bowl and placing it on top of the uneaten tray " probably the only good meal I'll get this week!" Scully laughed " Scully?" " yes Mulder?" " It's gone isn't it?" " What's gone Mulder?" " My leg, it's gone isn't it?" " yes Mulder." Scully said sadly " I knew it. There was no way they could reattach it. Scully?" " yes Mulder?" " Stay with me tonight?" " I will Mulder." " What am I going to do now Scully?" "When they take you off some more of this Demerol, I'll tell you ok?" Mulder nodded and pointed to his head, Scully obligingly petted his hair till he fell into a restful sleep. 2 weeks later Mulder sat on the side of the bed and stared down at the blank space where his left leg should bee and now sat a grotesque looking stump. Scully had spent the past two weeks trying to convince him it wasn't his fault and it could have been anyone, but he knew if he had waited, at least it wouldn't have been him. Scully told me my new leg was going to allow me to do the same things I've always been able to do, so at least I won't feel too much like long john silver. She said she told them I needed to be able to play basketball. Good old Scully, I don't know what I'd do with out her. I feel bad about the downturn our relationship took last year. Diana Fowley and her manipulative lies, stringing me along, and I trusted her so quickly. Paranoia is a learned behavior I haven't perfected, yet. Since the artifact ordeal, and even before then with the Pinker Rawls case, he'd been trying desperately to repair the damage of his betrayal of her trust and love. Love, god he could read it in her eyes when she said it was personal, and in the hallway before that dang bee stung her. Dana Scully loved him. If he had known then what he knew now, he would have told her he loved her sooner, acted on the emotions he kept deep inside, covered by a facade of cockiness and indifference. Now what would she want with a crippled, shell of a man? She came into the room quietly and smiled sadly, this wasn't a good day for him. She grabbed his crutches and propped them beside him " Come on lets go for a walk." Mulder looked at her sardonically then looked away his eyes filling with tears. " Mulder, you can't hide from the world forever, now come on, pull it together." Scully said hoping a sharper tone would break through his self pity. Mulder's head snapped up and he looked at her quizzically. " Scully" he said cockily " I'm tired of you sitting in here feeling sorry for yourself Mulder. Now let's go outside." " I think I need some pants first, unless we're going to flash some one." Scully produced a pair of scrub pants and Mulder put them on. He looked at her waving the dangling lower left leg. "What about the extra length?" Scully produced a safety pin and folded the excess material pinning it in the back. " There now, let me tie you in back while you comb your hair." She said handing him a brush. Mulder smiled as he brushed his hair, well maybe she wouldn't mind a crippled shell of a man after all. He propped him self up and stepped out of the room for the first time in two weeks. They walked around the outside of the hospital, it was amazingly cool for Mid-July. Scully lightly touched Mulder along the small of his back as he moved. He eyed her quickly, there was that look again the open adoration, he basked in its glow. She motioned for him to sit as they approached a bench. "Mulder, I want you to stay with me till you can get around better. Just so you don't have to be alone, okay?" "So I don't have to be alone wallowing in self pity you mean?" " Well I was trying to be nice but yeah." Mulder nodded yes. The last time he was at home the elevator was broken, the way that landlord was it would be christmas before it was fixed. Scully reached over and held his hand, playing with his fingers and massaging the palm and backs of his hand. Her cool fingers on his skin felt magical. He wondered what they would feel like on his chest, in his hair, on his thighs, holding his shoulders as he . . . He opened his eyes quickly, amazed at how fast he had undressed and made love to her in his mind. " Scully?" " Yes Mulder?" " Um whenever I go live with you can I . .um can I take you out to dinner or something?" Scully looked at him slightly amused " Mulder, are you asking me out on a date?" Mulder smiled sheepishly and blushed " kinda" " well then I'll kinda except. Ooh we need to go back inside. Your leg came in today. They want to fit you and see if every things set right, come on." Mulder rose slowly, not wanting to because he'd have to release her hand. ****************************************************** ************************ "Ok Mr. Mulder you can stand up now." Mulder looked at Scully for reassurance and he pushed himself up. Hmm this feels weird, he thought "Now what?" Mulder asked. The doctor handed him his crutches and told him to walk over to the balance beam. "Now we'll need you to bear down on the left that way we can see if it's uncomfortable." Mulder nodded and took his first few steps, wow this feels great. No crutches he felt almost whole again, he smiled at himself as he made it to the end of the bars and he turned around and came back. " Very good, how did that feel?" " Great! It didn't hurt or anything." " Ok now jump up and down lightly." Mulder looked at him quizzically as he started to hop. He soon realized why he wanted him to do that, ooh it hurt. " Stop, did that hurt?" " Yes. Not much, like a pinch." The doctor quickly adjusted the leg and asked him to repeat. This time there was no pain, and Mulder smiled proudly " Ok let's take it off." Mulder frowned but conceded " Your not totally healed yet and I don't want you to get infected. You'll wear it during PT and removed it after until our leg is totally healed. 2 weeks later Mulder was released and Scully dropped him by his apartment for some clothes and personal items. As Mulder came through the door he saw the out of order sign and groaned as he headed for the stairs. Scully stopped him and asked " Why don't I just run up and get you some things?." Mulder's brow narrowed " What, you don't think I can make it up the stairs?" " No, It's down the stairs I'm worried about. Your too heavy for me to pick up, especially after you've tumbled down 4 flights of stairs." Mulder smiled and nodded then added " don't forget to feed my fish!" Mulder sat in the lobby chair and waited closing his eyes and leaning his head back against the wall What are we going to do now? The X-files have been solved months ago, on occasion one will pop up, we've been placed mostly on raids, but now . . . Are they really going to want to work with a cripple, a grotesque monstrosity? They'll probably put me back in VCS, but what about Scully? Will they break us up? " Whoa, looky here, if it isn't long john spooky." Mulder popped one eye open to see two VCS agents looking down at him. What are they doing here? " Hello agents, can I help you?" " Well our boss says you can, you and your bombshell of a partner. Can we discuss this in your apartment?" Mulder nodded no " but you can follow me and AGENT Scully back to her place. I'll be staying over there." The agents started making catcalls and whistles. " Well Spooky, isn't that against policy?" " No, its not. But were just partners and friends." " Sure Spooks. Though I guess that's all you two could be now, considering your altered state of affairs." Mulder smirked and looked back towards the stairwell. As if she heard his secret plea, Scully emerged with a huge suitcase and a little fish bowl under her arm. Mulder looked at the fish bowl quizzically. " I'm not coming all the way to Arlington to feed your fish. Now lets move, Nicolas cage is on Rosie today, we have 45 minutes to get home." Then looking at the two agents she said, "Hello" then turned back to Mulder, "I can't leave you for 5 minutes without you getting into trouble. Don't tell me there following us home?" She said as she started towards the exit. Mulder grabbed his crutches and followed her " Honest Scully, I didn't do it on purpose. I was just sitting there trying to take a nap and they appeared." " Like your Moth-men?" ****************************************************** ************************ " Scully, why is it necessary to watch and tape it?" Mulder asked amused at his partners affection for the movie star. She seemed so relaxed, she seemed so young and innocent as she prepared for the show to come on. She smiled back at him and said " Cause I want to see it live and then I want to watch it as many times as I want. Now go talk or something, fill me in later. They came to see you any way Spooky." Mulder smiled and turned back to the agents " Okay what's up? " 5 deaths, all in the last 5 months, on every month around the full moon time. They were attacked by something with sharp claws, and were beaten or mauled to death, then buried. We only have a composite sketch." The older agent , Agent Jeffrey pulled out a picture with werewolf drawn on it. Mulder frowned " This isn't funny! Where's the real one?" "Whoa spooky's not amused. Ok here." They pulled out a picture of an average looking guy, with short hair and a goatee. Mulder nodded and asked " That's it?" The agents nodded " Here's the file we have, we're stumped." the younger agent giggled a little at the pun. " do you have one of the bodies so Agent Scully can examine it?" " At Quantico." " Okay she'll be there tomorrow to do a through exam of the body. I want everything ready when she gets there. Once we know exactly what we're dealing with we can go further. Thank you" "So forward all your calls here?" " No to my cell phone." Then the two agent rose and left. Mulder could hear then laughing as soon as they got in the hall. 'God he's so pathetic.' 'he was pissed when you gave him that werewolf picture' 'I feel sorry for his partner, god to have to be chained to a cripple, mental and physical.' Mulder's head dropped and a tear ran down his cheek. Scully turned to see him hunched over the table " Mulder? Nic's about to come on. We can fawn over him together. Adoration loves company." Mulder smiled and came over to her placing his crutches on the arm of the couch. He watch her, her eyes a glow, smiling. He grinned slightly and let out a hmmp. "What?" " If I knew that Nicolas Cage was the way to your heart, I would have used it sooner." Scully was about to laugh when she thought about what he just said. " Now agent Mulder, why would you want to get into my heart?" " Because I love you." he said softly. Scully nodded then took a double take " What?! Oh hold that thought Nic's on." She said lightly tapping his arm to turn his attention back to the TV. ****************************************************** ************************ " Mulder what do you want to eat, KFC, Arbys, Chinese or do you want to go out?" " I promised to take you out." " So where we going?"Some where nice, somewhere private, Mulder thought " House of Hunan." " You got it, let me change." Mulder got up and changed to a pair of khakis and a dark blue shirt. As he tied his one Blue van tennis shoe he sighed and thought, what am I going to do with all my left shoes? When I buy a pair, can I just ask for one? As if hearing his thoughts, Scully answered " Put it on your prosthetic. You can't let it go bare foot." Mulder smiled at her bad joke, then teased " Agent Scully, If I didn't know better, I would say you were coming on to me." " In your dreams Mulder, come on I'm hungry." Mulder collapsed on the couch, god he was so tired why? He hadn't done anything. " what's wrong G-man out of shape?" " In more ways than one. I've been thinking maybe I should resign." " Why?" " I'm a joke. Look at me Scully. You heard them laughing at me. People hardly ever took me serious before the accident, but at least they had the respect not to laugh in my face, but now . .. " " Mulder you've said it before, if you quit now they win. No, your going to stay, your going to be the best at what ever you do. You still are or they wouldn't have come to you with that case. Mulder don't you see that? Why do you refuse to believe in yourself? You'll be okay, you'll get your prosthesis on permanently and no one would know unless you wore shorts to work. And if there like the pair I saw in your drawer, I suggest you don't." Mulder laughed, then stopped suddenly, looking at Scully. " That's why I love you Scully, you always know what to say to me. You always know how to cheer me up, push my buttons so I'm back to the old Mulder. You make me feel normal. You make me feel whole again." Scully kissed him lightly on the forehead. " I love you too Buddy. Come on unlike you, I let my guests sleep in a bed." " Your bed?" "Only Nicolas Cage. Now to the guest room with you. We've got a busy day tomorrow." ****************************************************** ************************ Quantico The body laid on the table, all Scully's tools were ready for her as they stepped in. Scully went to change and Mulder headed towards the body. He pulled back the sheet and exclaimed "WOW! He's torn to shreds." Scully came out and looked at the body " What's that?" Mulder said pointing to a shiny piece of metal embedded in the victims chest. Scully put on some gloves and pulled it out with forceps. " Looks like someone lost a nail." Scully lifted her eyebrow in response and set it aside. " I'll have it analyzed later, lets uncover the whole thing and get going." When they were finished, they had two metal claws and a cast of the killer's teeth. "Either he's careless, or he was in a hurry." " Or he didn't care, he thinks he's invincible, he can't get caught." " Well he has big hands, but he's short about 5'8 and he's left handed." "How do you know that?" " the direction the deepest and strongest cuts were made from, suggest a right to left action same as a left handed swipe." " Anything else Sherlock?" "He has red hair" she said a she pulled a few strands of it from the victim's hand. " And they call me spooky. Meet you at the lab. I'll take those down while you clean up." Mulder pushed open the lab door and was greeted by an eager red headed tech. So this must be agent Pendrell " Dana? Oh Agent Mulder, how are you doing?" " Fine thank you. Would be better if I knew what these were?" Pendrell took the bag and looked at him " Interesting. I'll run it, do you have any ideas where it came from?" " Someone's hand. Those appear to be claws probably from some kind of glove." "Can you run a DNA profile on the hairs and run the dental cast for matches?" Scully said, making Pendrell's face lit up. " Sure can Dana, how are you today?" " Fine thanks, Got any ideas on the metal type Pendrell." "Well it looks like a hard steel or alloy metal. I'll check it." Scully nodded and touched his shoulder lightly " Fax me the results, you know my fax # at home. I'm going to bring you back a tissue sample to run." Her hand slid down his arm and grabbed Mulder tenderly " come on, I got to show you this." Mulder nodded, looking back at Pendrell predatorily, then followed Scully. " See here, I noticed a deep puncture wound. I'm going to see if a toxin was injected, or maybe some sort of immobilizer." She said as she carefully removed the tissue for toxicology. Mulder leaned over her shoulder and took in a breath of her fiery hair, honey and dewdrops. She back up a bit and ran into Mulder's chest. Boy he's standing closer than usual to me. She felt his arm snake around her waist, and his head rest on her shoulder. " Mulder, I have tissue I my hands." She said wrestling free of his unpartnerly, and very unprofessional embrace. Mulder sighed loudly, and Scully threw him the look and continued on her way to the lab. Mulder stood at the door as tall as he could, assuming his Alpha Male stance. Pendrell looked back at him and gulped nervously. Even on crutches and missing a leg, he was still afraid of Fox Mulder. He was not only mental unstable, but prone to sudden acts of violence especially where Agent Scully was involved. " Remember fax me the report." Pendrell nodded nervously and started working. Scully turned to see Mulder looking as menacingly as he could at Pendrell. Alpha Male stance in full effect, she thought as she brushed by him. When they got out side. Scully whirled around, " What was that Mulder?" " What was what?" " Mulder, you are not my boyfriend. You were so territorial in there I could taste the testosterone coming off you." " Really what it taste like? Of course I'm territorial, you're the only friend I got." Scully softened a little and blushed " Fine Mulder let's go pick up your leg. At least when you assume the Alpha Male stance, you'll be more convincing." ****************************************************** ************************ Pendrell's fax came the next morning at 8 am. " I knew it. Titanum. Looks hand polished. Dog tranquilizers, great now we need to trace the purchases back to where and who, and we need to check for anyone purchasing a dog tranquilizer for the past 5 or 6 months." Mulder nodded in agreement "Also look up people who work with metals if its hand polished, he had to have it specially made." " what are you going to do?" " I'm going to PT. I should be back by twelve. Then we need to go to the office." Scully smiled as he left then pulled out the phone book. 12:35 " Here's what I found. Titanium's a popular metal around town, 100 transactions of it. Then I narrowed it down to metal workers using it, that makes 30. Who do you want to hit first?" Mulder blinked and was about to say something when Agent Jeffrey and a gang of VCS agents come though the door. " So got anything good crip . . .uh Agent Mulder." The other agents snickered. Ignoring them, Mulder filled them in " wow that's great need some he . . ." one young agent started but was stopped by an elbow to the ribs. Scully smirked and threw the young agent sympathetic glance. " Mulder, while you boys posture and speculate, I'm going to get some background checks run on the 30 possibles. Want some coffee on my way back?" " Sure thanks." Scully brushed by the other agents who watched her leave with interest. " man she's a hottie. Wonder if she's up for a new partner?" Mulder glared at them from under half closed eyes " Is there another reason you guys are here?" "Oh yeah, Agent Scully said she had a file that might interest us. A kidnaping case." Mulder thought for a second. " Oh yeah the paper hearts case. You got some thing new on that?" " Maybe" " Well it was my case and I'm still the active investigative agent on it. Maybe I could help." " Only if your good with a shovel, found the last body." Mulder's eyes widened, he stood and went over to Scully's desk to get the file. " Whoa, the crip can walk?" " yes I can walk, been walking for years. Here you go, are you going to get Scully to do the ID on the kid?" " Yes sir, if that's all right with you and agent Scully." hmm how there tune changes when they see me on my own two feet again. " yes, keep me posted on it, we'll have something on this by Friday." " Here you go. What's up?" " do you know why they wanted the paper hearts case?" Scully nodded no " they found the last body. Do you know what . . ." " Mulder . . .I . .. " "We've never found her Scully" " Mulder don't. Not until we know for sure. Right now we need to concentrate on this case and this little break through." Mulder moved up in his chair with interest. " Found a serial number on the metal, matched it with one artist in town who has a known violent past, what do you think?" " I think your brilliant Scully." " Tell me something I don't know Mulder. Want to go pick him up?" Mulder smiled and quickly grabbed his jacket. " He must believe he's invincible or that we're stupid. The glove, the tranquilizer laying on the counter. Every bit of evidence we need to convict him." Mulder whispered. All of a sudden the Red Hot Chili Peppers blasted throughout the store " Hmm, good taste." Scully said, Mulder looked down at her confused " Breaking the girl, my favorite song." Mulder chuckled then groaned. Scully turned quickly and got off 3 shots before she was knocked flat on her back. Mulder rose and saw the large red haired man glare at them then run out the door. Mulder turned back to Scully " I'll be fine Mulder, just got the wind knocked out of me don't lose him." Mulder sprinted after him. Scully eased herself off the ground and pulled out her palm pilot. Good thing she got the Lone gunmen to put a tracer in that leg of his, Scully thought as she called for back up. " Agent Scully, where is he?" " In the woods, Mulder's on him." Snicker abounded at that. " I shot him 3 times full in the chest, but he's still going, he must have a vest on." " And you sent the crip after him? Man we could have had him." Scully rolled her eyes at the comment and looked back at her tracer. " He's coming back here, positions everyone get ready to take him down." They retreated to there positions and waited, weapons ready as the large man ran out of the woods with Mulder on his heels. Scully beamed with pride as Mulder grabbed him by the waist and brought him down. He drew his weapon and place his good leg on the guys throat. " don't move or I will shoot you." Scully came out and cuffed the man while Mulder sat heavily on the ground. " Hey Red, these cuffs are a little tight." Scully back handed him quickly across the face. " Don't call me Red and get used to them."then turning to Mulder, " You okay?" " Besides tired and really needing to pee, I'm fine." " Your bleeding." Mulder looked at the bloody spot on his pants leg and lifted it up. He swore under his breath " Branch must have cut me." " I knew it he is the bionic man." Scully stifled a giggle and pushed him towards Agent Jeffrey. " Have fun with him." Mulder pulled aside one of the other VCS agents and asked " how's the Paper hearts thing doing?" " We've shipped the body to Quantico, should be ready for Agent Scully tomorrow." Mulder removed his leg and plopped down on the bed smiling. " We solved that in record time Scully. Do you know how good it felt to tackle that guy?" Scully smiled and plopped down next to him. "Yeah, I was so proud of you, coming out of the woods, tie flapping in the wind, putting on that extra burst of speed , if only your PT saw you." " You were proud of me?" " Yeah why not partner. The look of disbelief on the VCS guys face, perfect." Mulder sat up a little and draped his arm around her " You were proud of me?" Scully smiled and touched his face tenderly tracing his jaw line, the bristly stubble tickling her fingertips. " Yes." She said softly Mulder grinned and leaned in for a kiss when the phone rang. " Ignore it." " Scully!" Mulder tease, the answering machine picked up " Agent Scully, Mulder we have the body at Quantico, there is something you need to see . . ." Scully picked up the phone " I'm here. I thought it would be there tomorrow." " Well yes, but there were some Identifying marks that were consistent with another missing persons case." " Who?" " Samantha Mulder." ****************************************************** ************************ Mulder paced the floor of the autopsy bay. The dental results should be back. She has the healed collarbone, right height, facial structure. God, please no. My whole quest was a lie. I was never really looking for Samantha. The syndicate was playing me for a fool, to play along with there game. Now there dead, Roche the bastard who did this is dead. All I have left is a life wasted in a pursuit that would never be attained. My life wasted in the futile hope that she was alive. Scully came in grim faced, holding the report. Her eyes betrayed her, brimming with tears. " It's her?" Scully nodded, not trusting her voice. An animal like shriek of pain came from Mulder as he collapsed on the floor in tears. Scully sat the file down on the table next to the body and put her arms around him. He tried to pull away but she hugged him tighter. He placed his chin over her shoulder and leaned his face into her neck and let loose with heartbreaking sobs. She tried to comfort him but seeing the futility of it, just let him cry. Cry for life wasted in a pursuit that ended years before it began. ****************************************************** ************************ Mulder scratched his growing beard and looked at himself in the mirror. He saw an empty shell of the man he once was. He didn't belong here anymore. He needed to be free. He'd wasted his life, alienated everyone around him for a futile cause. Mulder opened the bottle of pain killers and dumped the entire bottle into a glass of iced tea and gulped it down quickly. He went back to his bed and laid down and got comfortable. He then, reached over to his night stand and grabbed Samantha's picture and an envelope. He place the envelope on his chest and looked at the picture "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Sam", then the blackness came. "Hey Mulder! Got something for you from the video store. Mulder?" Scully walked back to his room and saw him on the bed. Out like a light, she thought as she went to his bathroom to turn off the light. Then she saw it, the empty pain killer bottle. " I just got this refilled yest . .er . ..day. Oh God no! Mulder!" She ran over to him and checked his pulse, weak, but still there. She grabbed the phone and dialed 911. She looked at the photo in his hands and saw the tears rolling down his cheeks. " Mulder? Mulder! Don't worry, I'm here. I will not let you die." The corners of his mouth twitched and his fingers moved over the envelope on his chest. She picked the envelope up and saw his familiar scrawl on the outside. She opened it and read it. Scully, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you, but I didn't want to be here any more. I'm not the person I once was. Please understand. I wish I could have told you how much you mean to me, how much I love you. But I'm not worthy of your love and I never will be. Good bye. Mulder Scully brushed away angry tears and tucked the letter in her pants pocket. " You are worthy of me Mulder. I refuse to accept this. Hang on. Oh Please Mulder, don't leave me here alone." Sh said as the paramedics came and started working on him Scully paced the floor, internal bleeding, pumping stomach, severe toxicity. One of the nurses came out and touched her arm lightly. " Dr. Scully? Hi I'm Helen. I'm the nurse that's taking care of your partner. Can we talk?" Scully nodded and followed her to the now empty cafeteria. Scully sighed heavily " How is he?" " As Good as can be expected. He didn't show any signs that he was going to attempt suicide?" " No, He was depressed, but he seemed better, we were laughing and joking around yesterday. We went out to a movie, it was like I had him back." Helen smiled " You love him don't you?" " Yes" Scully said, biting her lip slightly then continued, " How could he do this to me? He knew how I felt about him. He knew! What am I going to do if he dies?" " Have you told him this??" Scully shook her head no " He needs to hear you say it. I think he needs a reason to fight. He's said his goodbyes, he's ready to die. He needs a reason to live, to continue. You could be that reason." Scully buried her head in her hands and nodded. Scully sat next to Mulder and petted his hair. His head moved into her hand and she smiled. " Mulder Hey bud. What did I tell you about being territorial? I'll never be able to forget you, or continue with our you. Don't leave me now. There's so much we can discover together. I make you a whole person, but without you I'm a woman without a soul. An empty shell. You complete me, you're my soul, my reason for being. Without you, I'm nothing. I'm everything because of you Mulder." Mulder grunted and opened one eye. " Agent Scully are you coming on to me?" " This is where were going with this." " Bring it on." Scully laughed, then changed back to a solemn tone. " Why Mulder?" " Cause my life was a sham , a lie. I've wasted it on something that wasn't true. I looked into that mirror and saw nothing. I saw a ghost of the man I once was, and I didn't want to see it anymore." Mulder raised his hand to her face, touching her cheek lightly. She touched his hand holding it there. " Do you love me Scully?" Scully hesitated "Please tell me. I need to know. I want my life back and I want you in it forever. I want my spirit, my will to live back." " Yes Mulder." " Yes what?" " Yes, I love you Mulder." He smiled and tried to raise his head but couldn't. Scully petted his hair and leaned into him, gently kissing him on the lips. " Sleep now. I'll be right here." " I know you will"