Presence of Being by Mulderslady Part of the What if stories universe DISCLAIMER: They don't belong to me, wish they did. Only Nick belongs to me. RATING: Pg-13 to very mild R, I'm horrible with ratings CLASSIFICATION: S, A, MT, MSR, AU kinda KEYWORDS: MSR, Mulder angst, Alternative Universe Kinda SPOILERS: none URL: http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Capsule/5160/whatif.html FEEDBACK: Please!!! at damacia@home.com ARCHIVE: Oh yeah, anywhere!! SUMMARY: What if after years of bad habits and over working Mulder has a stroke? Part of the What if Universe, a group of stories that ask the ever intriguing question, What if . . . **************************%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% The way you touch me, somehow takes away the pain And now I'm a junkie, I'm running around without a brain I got this jones deep inside me and you are what I wanna do You give me this feeling, You always make me feel brand new You're My Flavor By Lenny Kravitz **************************%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% "White male, age 33, complained of numbness of face and right side, pounding headache, found collapsed in metro station." A Paramedic said as they wheeled the man through the ER to the awaiting doctor. "What's his vitals?" "Blood pressure is through the roof, threading heart rate, uncontrollable convulsions." The alarm on the heart monitor went off. "He's crashing get him in the OR now!" 3 days later "No!" "Fox please." His mother begged. "No! I will not move home!" "Fine, but your moving from that apartment you live at. It's not wheelchair accessible and until you can walk again, you need something on one level. Now there are some very ranch style condos in Georgetown. Please just consider it." Mulder nodded, pouting slightly. I don't believe this! One day I'm fine, the next I'm peeing through a catheter, my right side paralyzed, on permanent disability leave. Nothing to do but sit and think about what I've lost. What a wonderful life, Mulder thought as he looked at his mom's hopeful eyes, 33 years old and an invalid. 4 weeks later Mulder's condo Mulder sat complacent as his mother dressed him. How humiliating, my mom had to help me shave, bathe, dress, this is sickening, he thought as she smoothed his shirt and smiled at him. "There, already for another day. I have some one coming by you'll need to meet. She's going to be your therapist/nurse. She's a licensed doctor, physical and occupational therapist." "And this is important how?" Mulder asked sharply "Her specialty is in-home care." "Meaning?" "She's going to move in with you and take care of you." "What?!" "I can't do it sweetie, I have to leave today and you refuse to come home with me. She's affiliated with the hospital you're treated at. She specializes in the kind of long term care you need." "She sounds expensive mom." His mother smiled and petted his hair gently "Only the best for my darling boy. Oh there she is now." Mrs. Mulder said going to answer the door. "Dr. Scully? Hello." "Hi how are you? How's Agent Mulder?" a throaty voice asked "I'm fine and Fox is well . . . Fox. He's in his bedroom. Fox sweetie." His mother said as she came into his bedroom with Dr. Scully. Mulder turned and looked at the petite red head with his mother. Attractive, with glowing sapphire eyes, light freckles splashing her face with color. She was alluring, enchanting, beautiful. Oh great! "Fox, this is Dr. Dana Scully." "Hello Mulder, how are you?" "Mulder?" he asked amused. "I read your chart, says you don't like to be called Fox." "What else do you know about me Dr. Scully?" "That you're incredibly stubborn, which is alright cause so am I, and I always get my way. Oh and one more thing Mulder, don't call me Dr. Scully." "Okay Scully." "That's better. Here is a copy of the agenda we will follow till your rehabbed, no deviations unless discussed beforehand. Understand?" "Yes sir Scully sir." Mulder said with a mock salute. Mrs. Mulder laughed. "I see you're in good hands Fox. I better get going don't want to miss my flight. I'll call you when I get to the house ok?" "Alright mom bye." He said as she hugged him tightly "Bye my sweet Fox, don't give her too much trouble please." Mulder locked eyes with Scully when his mom left. He's handsome, cocky, and stubborn, Scully thought. I always did like a challenge. "It's 11 a.m. leg exercises, let's go to a more open space. We'll do your physical therapy in your sunroom and your OT in the kitchen." Mulder nodded and looked at the agenda "3 hrs a day of each?!" "Yes, I'll meet you in the sunroom." "Meet me?" Mulder said, looking at her incredulously. "Did you need me to help you into your wheelchair?" "NO." "Ok then meet me in the sunroom." Scully walked off. She actually means it, well how hard can it be to get into a wheelchair? Mulder thought as he slid himself towards the wheelchair by his bed. He lost his balance and tumbled to the floor. Scully came back and looked at him sprawled on the ground amused. "It's not a sign of weakness to ask for help. So you need help getting into your wheelchair?" Mulder sighed defeated "Yes I do." Scully eased him off the ground and into his wheelchair effortlessly "Hello She'ra" "I eat my Wheaties, let's get going Mulder." 4 months later "You have to try Mulder" Scully said frustrated "No! I'm sick of this. I can't walk, I can't take care of myself, I'm useless!" "Are you done ranting?" "NO, tell me how many of your patients have been my age Scully?" "None." "Exactly! I can't do the work I love anymore. My work was my life." "And the reason you're in this predicament at all. Now we'll do it again." Scully said, putting the walker in front of him "Grab the walker and stand up." Mulder sighed and tried again, falling ungracefully on his back, letting out a disgusted sigh. "Why are you here Scully? Why aren't you out operating on people and stuff?" "Well I did, then I had an accident and I had a metal plate put in my head. It would set the machines off so I decided not to operate anymore." "Do you miss it?" "No, I enjoy this more. Helping people on a more one on one level. "I think you just like feeling me up." "That too" Mulder blushed "HA! I did it, made you blush. Ok, one more time." Scully said helping him into a sitting position and stepping away. He reached for the walker with his left hand and tried to pull himself up. "Use your legs Mulder." Scully said, resisting the urge to help him. He hates it when I do that, she thought. I have to wait till he asks me to help him, proud bastard. He tried one more time and sat back down heavily. He looked at her with sad eyes and asked "Could you help me Scully?" "Sure, I'll help." Scully gripped him under his arms and lifted him with ease, he placed his hands on the walker and stood there a second. "There, how's that feel?" "Weird. I miss this." "Standing?" "Yeah." "You're tall." "Thanks." Scully looked at him appraisingly. He was slightly hunched over the walker, smiling, very handsome indeed. She shook the thought out of her head "Ok move forward. It has wheels, just push it." Mulder pushed it slightly "Ok bring your right leg around, that's it left." Mulder smiled, his first steps in over 6 months. "Alright looking good, do it again." "I feel like a baby with this thing." "Well in a way you are. You have to relearn how to walk all over again, only this time it's going to be harder. Don't worry, I'll be here every step of the way." 2 months later Mulder took another step towards the kitchen "Good Mulder, but you can move faster than that boy. I got chocolate cake in here hot and ready to be eaten." Mulder sped up. "Knew that would get your butt in gear." Scully said, sitting at the table and pulling his chair out for him as he walked confidently into the kitchen. We'll be able to get rid of that walker soon. He still gets tired if he walks a lot though, so maybe not the wheelchair yet. Mulder sat down and smiled at her then looked at her funny. "What?" "Where's the cake?" Scully laughed and pulled it out of the microwave. "I guess you deserve a treat, open wide." Mulder hesitated then did as she asked, receiving a fork full of chocolate cake. "This tastes different really light." "It's angel food cake. Low sodium and cholesterol. I made it with Eggland's best eggs, which have no cholesterol. Your cholesterol hasn't come down enough yet, so I'm changing you to a mostly vegetarian diet. The only meats you can eat being Turkey and Seafood. Next month, I want some marked improvement in your cholesterol levels." "Good bye taste." "Hey, you liked this didn't you?" Mulder nodded "Alright then. Now you seem to have recovered most of your right leg movement, but your right arm is another story. I think I'm going to increase your OT time and decrease your PT." Mulder nodded and pulled his useless right arm on the table. 4 weeks later "Alright Mulder in the kitchen." Mulder walked into the kitchen and collapsed into the chair across from her breathing hard. "Let me get your wheelchair, you had a hard long day of walking around that hospital." "It felt good to do that without the walker." "Yeah, but now your exhausted. Come on, put your right arm up here. I think I'll massage it a little then work with you with hand exercises all this afternoon ok?" Mulder nodded and eyed the angel food cake that was on the counter "Can I have piece of cake first?" "After OT." Mulder sighed and placed his right arm on the table. Scully came up behind him and took off his sweatshirt folding it neatly in front of him. She started to knead his right shoulder, moving in little circles slowly up and down his arm. Mulder started to relax and leaned back into her. She smiled slightly. He loves being touched and rubbed like a cat. "How old are you Scully?" Mulder asked softly "30." "You have a boyfriend?" "Are you asking?" "Maybe." Mulder said, opening his eyes and looking up at her. It's a shame how bad of a crush I have on her, he thought as he gazed into her azure eyes. Nine months of her, I can't imagine what my life would be like without her in it. "No, if I had one you would have seen him by now." "Why don't you have one?" "My work makes me unavailable. Do you have a girlfriend Mulder?" "No." "Boyfriend?" Mulder eyes snapped opened and he looked at her strangely "I'm open minded." Scully said with a smile. Mulder smiled back at her "No." "Why not?" "I was in love with my job." "What does a brilliant Oxford grad want with the FBI anyway?" "I was recruited out of college." "Wow!" "Yeah I liked what I did. It was fun, I got to use all my skills. I hope I can at least go back to it on a consulting basis or maybe teaching." Mulder said, letting out a soft purr of pleasure when she increased the pressure on his arm. "You like being touched, don't you?" "Yeah." "You use to be married?" "No, almost but she decided she wanted to be the most important thing in my life and at that moment she wasn't." "You must have been lonely." "Are you?" "Yes." "Why?" "Most of my friends are married, with kids, they . . . sometimes when I'm with them I feel like I'm outside a locked store looking in, you know?" Mulder nodded, groaning with disappointment when Scully stopped massaging him. He opened his eyes again. "Did I say something wrong?" "No, I need to do your hand now." "OH." "I . . . you know, you have pretty hands." "Thank you." "Long slender fingers, powerful, soft." Mulder blushed again. "HA! Made you blush, I'm getting good. You know it's fun to work with some one closer to my age. If you don't mind, my friend Nick is coming by. She's a surgeon with the peace corps. She just came back from Africa." "Where doe she live?" "Actually about 3 blocks from here. We're roommates when I'm not working. You'll like her, she's loads of fun." Mulder nodded and brought his left hand around and covered Scully's gently as she massaged his hand. Scully looked into his eyes and smiled. His eyes are so warm and expressive, she thought as she held his intense gaze. He licked his plump bottom lip, chewing it slightly "Da . . ." Mulder started when the door bell rang. "I'll be right back Mulder, try and manipulate this." She said placing some therapy clay in his right hand as she got up. "Hey Nick!" "Danes! I come bearing gifts. Nice place." Nick said looking around the condo as she stepped in, a huge sack on her back. "Thanks come on, we're in the kitchen." "OT time. Man, this is a condo? It's huge, I think we may have to move." "Mulder this is Nickole Buchanan, Nick this is Fox Mulder." "Fox? Your mom's a smart woman. Nice to meet you." "Same here." Mulder said as she shook his left hand firmly. "Ok Dana, check this out. Great for your OT classes. Counting beads! And a necklace for you, some rings, a handmade bag and check this out." Nick said as she pulled a drum out of her sack. "Wow this is . . ." "I got three of them. They're so awesome, tones full and everything. Now for you Mulder." Mulder looked at her intrigued. "Yes you, we have to spoil Dana's patients to death. I hope this fits. She didn't tell me your size." She pulled out a handmade shirt "Yeah it should work, lets see sit back." She laid it on his chest. "Yeah good, one more thing." She pulled out a huge straw hat and sat it on his head. "There. Now all he needs are some sunglasses and you won't be able to tell him he's not cool." Mulder laughed softly. "It's quiet in here Danes, no music?" Nick asked settling back into a chair. "No he gets distracted too easily. Don't let the sweet face fool you, he's usually a major pain in the butt, though I think I've finally broken him. Keep squeezing the clay Mulder, I'll be back." Scully said as she followed Nick into the living room. "OH man he's got the good stuff too. The whole Doors collection, Fiona, Sarah M, Oasis, U2," Nick said looking through Mulder's CD's, then leaning into Scully and whispering "He's gorgeous!" "I know." Scully said with a smile as she picked up some CD's and popped them in the player. She pressed random and The Doors started to play. "That's better." Nick said as she started to move to the music. Scully walked back over to Mulder "Ok we'll deviate a little today. We'll continue this in the living room. Here get into your wheel chair and wheel yourself in there." Mulder nodded and transferred to the wheelchair with ease. "Alright! Here forgot your clay." Scully said sitting it in his lap. Mulder wheeled himself in and watched as Scully joined Nick, moving to the music, her eyes closed, losing herself in the music. "What are you two doing for dinner, there's a new restaurant opening downtown. Beth told me about it." "Nothing, Mulder needs to get out, but he doesn't venture farther than his porch. I got that cool X-terra with wheelchair lift and he refuses to let me take him anywhere." "Proud bastard huh?" Nick said, throwing Mulder a smile. He wasn't looking at her, he was focused intently on something else. She followed his gaze to Scully, blushing knowingly. He sighed heavily and looked away. "What do you think Mulder want to go?" Scully asked "Sure that'll be fine." Scully smiled and opened her eyes. "Ok you can stop with the clay." She said, walking over to him and starting to massaged his arm again. "Doesn't he have beautiful hands Nick?" "Yeah he does. What do you do Mulder?" "I'm a behavioral profiler for the FBI." "OH cool! Now that's stressful. Lots of fun I bet." "Yeah." Mulder said with a measure of sadness clouding his voice. "So how's he doing Danes?" "Leg came around nicely, but it's this arm that needs more work. We'll get it's motor skills back, I don't think he'll ever have fine motor back." Mulder watched her talk. He was never that carefree, relaxed with anyone. He never chatted aimlessly, maybe that was my problem. I took everything too seriously, made everything a challenge. He sighed and smiled as Scully started to massage his hand again. Nick ruffled his hair lightly and gave him a reassuring smile "Don't worry Mulder, you're in the best hands money can buy. You'll be fine." 6 months later Sunroom Mulder laid on his back and watched Scully manipulate his leg. "I don't know why I'm still doing this you walk great now." Mulder smiled up at her. She is so strong and beautiful, I have to know what she tastes like. She let his leg go and kneeled down in front of him. "Ok, now we can work with . . ." she started, only to be interrupted by Mulder quickly sitting up and pinning her on her back. "Mulder, what are you doing?" She said, smiling at him amused. He bent down and captured her lips with his hungrily. Scully pushed him away. "Whoa time out." "I love you." He said breathless. "Mulder . . ." "Please let me finish. I love you, I've never felt like this before about anyone. You're so . . ." "Mulder stop. I'm your PT/OT/Doctor that's it. I know I'm the only woman you've been in . . ." "NO, you're more than that. You're my best friend, confidant, and I love you so much." "Mulder . . ." "You're my constant, my touchstone, you complete me and make me a whole person Scully and I want you more than anything else in this world." Scully blushed wildly. "HA! I did it, I finally made you blush." Mulder said, moving to kiss her again. "Mulder, it's not . . ." "What? You don't want to have a relationship with me cause I'm crip . . ." "Cause you're my patient, cause I have to work with you, and cause once your rehabbed I'm going to have to leave." "You don't have to leave." "Yes I do. I provide in home care Mulder, I'm going to have to leave." "Stay with me Scully." Mulder said kissing her sweetly on the lips "Marry me Scully." He kissed her again harder, easing her onto her back. Scully wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. His good hand traced up and down her sides, his right he planted on the floor next to her head, supporting himself. He started to unbutton her shirt, his eyes searching hers for rejection. He found none and kissed her chest gently as he pushed her shirt off her, caressing her skin with his fingertips. He felt her hands under his shirt and pulled away a little, letting her take it off. He placed a trail of kisses on her neck, as she ran her fingernails lightly up and down his muscular back. He slowly undid her jeans pushing them down as she pushed down his sweat pants, taking his boxers with them, freeing his pulsing erection. He attacked her lips hungrily as he started to grind against her. "Please, I need you, I want you so badly please." Mulder said as his fingers teased her thighs slightly. She opened to him and he entered her quickly. He thrust into her slowly at first, speeding up quickly when he got over the initial shock of being inside her. He quickly brought them to their release and collapsed on top of an equally sated Scully. He pulled out of her and smiled at her lovingly. "I love you Scully; now you know how much." Scully rolled away from him and dressed quickly. "Get dressed Mulder, it's time for your OT." She said stoically as she walked into the kitchen. Mulder dressed slowly and followed her into the kitchen. He sat down, sighing heavily as he threw her a smile full of post coital satisfaction. He leaned into her a little, smoothing some hair out of her face, she pulled away from him. "I love you." He said softly when she finally looked at him. "I shouldn't have done that Mulder, I'm sorry. I took advantage of you." "I think I took advantage of you, I was on top." "I encouraged you and I'm sorry." "I don't care. You were great and I can't wait . . ." "Look, there's not going to be a next time Mulder, that was a mistake. I should have never let my emotions take over like that. It was unprofessional . . ." "What do you mean?" "Mulder . . ." "Look me in the eyes and say you don't love me." Scully closed her eyes calling up all her strength, and opened them again. She was confronted by his warm hazel eyes and was lost. "I can't . .. I love you Mulder, but that can't happen anymore. Not till I . . ." "It's going to happen again." Mulder said insistently "Then I think you need another therapist." "NO!" "Mulder I . . ." "God your sexy when you're stubborn." Scully slapped him hard across the face. "Feisty too." She slapped him again and got up from the table. "Mulder stop this please. That was a moment of weakness. It shouldn't have happened, but it did. Forget about it." "I can't. I want more." "Well, your not going to get it!" Scully said, trying to storm away, only to be pulled into his awaiting arms. "Why are you fighting this? You're not going to win Scully. I know what I want. I've tasted it, and now I want more. I'm addicted, I'm addicted to you and I won't stop till I get another fix." Scully sighed heavily and smiled, amused at his determined face. He kissed her quickly on the lips and pulled away with a sigh. "We still need to finish your OT." Scully said as his hands started to roam her body. "We will . . . eventually."