Fall from Grace By Mulderslady DISCLAIMER: They don't belong to me, wish they did. Only Nickole Buchanan, Shadow, Zane, the gothic wonder, Fox jr. and Carol belong to me RATING: P.G.-13 in parts, mostly R CLASSIFICATION: S, A, MT, MSR KEYWORDS: MSR, MT, Scully and Mulder angst SPOILERS: Slight reference to Anasazi, the Pilot, Silence of the Lambs URL: http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Capsule/5160/recoverysgrace.html FEEDBACK: Please!!! at damacia@home.com ARCHIVE: Oh yeah, anywhere!! SUMMARY: Takes place 3 months after Recovery's grace, some of Mulder's old demons come back full force and drive him over the edge. This is the second part of the Recovery's Grace Universe, a series of stories dealing with Mulder's recovery. Author notes:: An Explanation of Epilepsy and the various types of seizures that Mulder exhibits in this story are at the end. ********************************************************* ********************* All I want is to save you honey Or the strength to walk away Carrion by Fiona Apple ********************************************************* ********************* 3 months after Recovery's grace ends Mulder sat on the side of the bed and looked at his black crash helmet and his UFO crash helmet. He sighed heavily as he ran his hand through his slightly shaggy hair. Which one should he wear today? Mulder ran through his mind what he needed to do that day. Telecommunicate a few hours, walk Fox jr, go to the museum, get a haircut. The UFO one, he thought. As he went to pick it up, Fox jr came in and stared deeply at him. " What? I'm fine just getting my helmet on okay?" Fox jr watched him and started to whine, which signaled Mulder was going to have a petit mal seizure. Mulder quickly placed his helmet on and was fastening the strap when he stopped suddenly. Fox jr started barking and went to get Scully who came in to make sure it wasn't a grand mal. She instinctively fastened his helmet and sat next to Mulder, rubbing his back lightly. "Petit Mal?" Mulder asked as he came out of it. " Yeah, your better than I am with decoding little Fox's whines. I have to go in today, then I'm going to do some last minute shopping ok?" Mulder nodded, he was amazed after everything that had happened, she still wanted to be with him. In two more days, he'd be a married man, married to the woman who was responsible for him being alive right now, able to do all the things he's able to do. The woman he loved from the moment he opened his eyes in that hospital. He wanted to kiss her so bad at the moment, but he'd probably knock her out with his helmet. Mulder tried unsuccessfully to stifle a snicker at the thought. " Be good, see you when I get home Mulder." Mulder clicked through the pictures of the crime scene, and the facts of the case. Hmm this one is simple, he thought as he opened his email and typed out his profile. Mulder pressed send and looked at his watch, 10:30 haircut time, then to the museum. "Go get your leash Fox time to go." Mulder said unplugging his I-book and turning on his pager and cell phone or as Scully called it his utility belt. Pager, cellphone, medicine pouch, and knife, all situated on his belt. Skinner had insisted he be allowed some sort of weapon, just in case he had to be called out to a crime scene. The review board, didn't allow a gun, saying a knife was less dangerous. They've never seen me throw this thing or they'd think differently, Mulder thought as he attached Fox jr to his leash and headed out the door. Barber "Hey, Mulder and Fox! What's up my man? Step right up." Brad the barber said. Mulder took off his helmet and said " I need a nice haircut, I'm getting married in two days." " Whoa congratulations Mulder, I got the perfect cut." Fox grunted and Mulder let out a sigh of relief. Simple partial seizure. He preferred those out in public, less embarrassing. Mulder started feeling hot and flushed slightly as Brad started cutting. "There what do you think, shorter?" Mulder looked at it, longer in the front, kinda floppy, the back was cut close, but not too close, keeping his natural hair line. "Could you taper it more in the back?" " Sure thing. So who's the lucky girl? That red head I see you with all the time?" " Yeah." " Great, she's cute. There you go, that right?" Mulder looked and nodded as he reached into his wallet and pulled out a 20. "Thanks man, see you well when will I see you then? Where you going on your honeymoon?" Mulder ran his fingers through his hair and placed his helmet on "Aruba. We'll be back in two weeks, so see you in two weeks Brad, later. Fox let's go." After he left, one of the other barbers asked, "That guy is weird. Why does he wear that helmet all the time? He doesn't drive a motorcycle." " He's a severe epileptic and he could drop into a seizure at anytime. It protects his head from falls. His dog warns him when he's going to have one, that's pretty cool. He hasn't had a big one here yet, just a couple where he just like stops nothing big. Plus he's a pretty cool guy, great tipper too." Museum Mulder took a picture of Guernica. He loved Picasso. He'd read about this piece, this one was definitely Mulder's favorite. He was about to touch it when he got paged. Mulder called the number back " Mulder" "Mulder this is Skinner, great job on that profile. We caught him in minutes, before he could find another victim. Just wanted to say great job and have a nice honeymoon, see you in two weeks. Are you taking your laptop with you?" " I had planned on it, but I won't have my pager or cell with me. If you need me, you can email me." " Okay then have fun, Agent Mulder." Mulder hung up and looked at his watch, 2:30 no wonder I'm so hungry he thought as he hailed a cab to go home. Mulder sat on the couch and flipped through the channels on the TV. Mulder unlatched his helmet and Fox jr growled. " I'm not taking it off, just loosening it a bit. Gee your worse than Scully." Great, nothing on and Scully won't be home for another 3 or so hours. " Lets go to the park Fox." The dog gave him a withering glance and didn't budge. " Ok then, can we go sit on the patio?" Fox jr. rose and Mulder grabbed his I-book and sat in his chaise lounge on the patio, surfing the net for things to do in Aruba. 6:30 p.m. "Mulder?" Scully called as she came in. Where is that man? she thought as she looked out on the patio and saw him asleep clasping his laptop to his chest, Fox jr sleeping at his feet. " Hey Sleepyhead. Time to get up or you'll never go to sleep tonight." Scully said rousing him gently. Mulder stretched and went to his bathroom to clean up. Fox jr. was still asleep on the patio, but he got up with a start and ran into the house barking frantically. "It's okay he's in the bathroom." Scully said putting away her briefcase in the study when she heard a loud crack and a thud followed by louder more piercing barks. Scully ran into see Mulder in the throes of a grand mal seizure on the bathroom floor, one of the toilet seat arms broken off. Scully looked around the bathroom for anything sharp he could hurt himself on, then went to get him a fresh pair of pants and underwear. No matter what, whenever he had a grand mal seizure, he would always end up soiling his pants. Mulder hated it, even though it wasn't under his control. Mulder stopped convulsing and awoke to Scully taking off his pants. He cursed loudly. "Mulder! Innocent ears around." Scully teased covering Fox jrs ears. Mulder smiled weakly and Scully helped him up " Why don't you take a shower and switch into your pajamas. Then we'll camp out on the couch, okay?" Mulder nodded and finished undressing as Scully started the shower. Mulder got out of the shower, put on his flannel pajamas and took off his helmet so his hair could dry and looked at the broken toilet seat arm. The doctor was right about my helmet being for my safety. I would be in the ER right now getting my head sewn up if I didn't have it on. Mulder sat on the couch and Fox jr growled at him. "I'll put it back on in a minute, I wanted Scully to see my hair cut." Scully smiled and turned to look at him 'Do you believe in the existence of extraterrestrials' ran through her head as she saw him. Just like when I first met him, accept that stubborn cowlick that used to be there is gone. "It looks great reminds me of when I first met you." He smiled and ran his hand through his hair before placing his helmet back on. " Better?" He asked Fox jr who seemed to nod. " Here, pick one." Scully said handing him a Blockbuster bag. Alright Nicolas Cage! He thought as he pulled out 8mm. He sat Indian style on the couch as Scully brought over the Chinese take out. After eating, Scully put the movie in and was about to press play when Mulder asked suddenly "Do I have to wear my helmet during the wedding?" " No Mulder. Not until we go to the airport. Your doctor is going to give you a diazepam shot." " Is my mom going to be there?" Scully nodded. She'd tried to convince Mrs. Mulder to come and visit Mulder hoping it would help jog his memory. She refused every time, but when Scully had sent out the invites for the wedding , she was the first to respond. I will never understand that woman she thought. "Why hasn't she come to see me?" "I don't know Mulder, she had a stroke a few years back, she's not getting around a lot." Mulder nodded, then removed his helmet much to Fox jrs protest and grabbed Scully, kissing her hard. He placed a strong hand on her neck, so she couldn't move away. Her hands played in his hair. He pulled away for a second to reposition himself, then claimed her mouth again. He thrust his tongue in tasting the mix of sweet and sour chicken and Scully. His hands traveled to her sides, pulling her shirt out of her pants, he kissed her neck, nipping and sucking intermittently, not hard enough to cause pain, but enough to leave a mark. The bottom half of his body began to grind into her, and Scully sighed softly as she grabbed his head firmly between her hands and made him look at her. " Mulder?" "What?" "No" "Why not?" " Just wait" "I don't want to. I want you now. Don't you want me too?" Scully closed her eyes and nodded yes. " What's the problem then? Scully . . .Dana I love you. Nothings going to change that. Please let me show you." I wanted you to wait, she thought. You may not be a virgin Mulder, but this is going to be the only one you remember. I wanted it to be perfect, romantic. She opened her eyes and saw him looking down on her, so tender, so loving, so full of desire, she knew she couldn't resist, or deny him and kissed him again. Mulder responded quickly unbuttoning her shirt carefully, kissing her creamy smooth skin with each button, then there was a knock at the door. Mulder pulled away quickly and Scully buttoned her shirt back. Mulder reached for his helmet and pushed play on the VCR. Scully opened the door to reveal Mulder's mom. " Mrs. Mulder. Hi!" "Hello Dana and please call me Caroline. Sorry if I'm disturbing dinner or anything, but I just had to come by and see my son." Finally, Scully thought, and flashed her a fake smile. " Sure, we're on the couch watching a movie. Now remember what I said on the phone, he may not know who you are and he doesn't remember anything from before the accident." Mrs Mulder nodded and followed Scully over to the couch. Mulder looked up at her quizzically. Hmmp she's pretty, wonder who she is? " Mulder this is your mother, Caroline Mulder." " Hello Fox, how are you?" " Fine Mom. Why haven't you come to see me before?" Well cut to the chase why don't you Mulder, Scully thought. " I didn't know how I'd react. I didn't want something I 'd say to slow your progress." Caroline said reaching to pet her son's hair. Mulder flinched and moved away slightly, looking at Scully quickly for approval. Scully nodded and he leaned into his mother's hand. " My Beautiful Boy, I'm so sorry I hurt you" she said pulling him into a tight hug. " I expected to see you in your helmet, are you better or . ." "I was showing Scully my new haircut." Mulder said quickly "Oh really? She liked it, huh?" She said wiping some lipstick, that wasn't hers, from Mulder's face. Mulder blushed slightly " Do you want some thing to eat Mom?" " No sweetie, I've already eaten, but thank you." Scully came up behind Mulder and ruffled his hair lightly to get his attention "Mulder I'll be in the study if you need me and put your helmet back on before Fox has a hissy." "Fox jr." Mulder corrected as he put his helmet on and clasped it " Happy?" Fox jr wagged his tail and laid down at his feet. " Mom this is Fox jr, he can sense my seizures and warn me to there types and . . ." "I'm very proud of you Fox. You've come so far." Mulder smiled " Mom tell me . . .Tell me what I was like when I was a child. Tell me about my past, please?" Caroline smiled and pulled him into another hug and started from the beginning. It was around 1 am when Mrs Mulder realized her son was asleep in her arms. When was the last time that had happened? When he was 3 or 4? No, probably after his father had beaten him senseless. She carefully placed his head on the couch and went into the study where she found Scully still up working on a report. "Dana?" " Yes Mrs. Mulder?" " Caroline. Fox fell asleep on the couch, I wasn't sure whether to leave him there or not." "Sure here let me get him a blanket" Scully said grabbing a blanket from the hall closet. She straightened Mulder out, draped the blanket over him, removed his helmet and placed a pillow under his head. She petted his hair lightly and kissed him gently on the cheek. She turned off the lights and headed for Mulder's room " You can sleep in his room Caroline. Fresh towels are on the rack in the bathroom." Caroline watched Scully in awe. This was the first time she had allowed herself to watch her with an open mind. The love and care she exhibited towards Mulder was genuine and deep. She hadn't taken advantage of him in his altered state like she had originally thought " You really love him don't you?" " I always have." "It's been hard for you, hasn't it?" " Yes, I want my Mulder back. I don't want him to have to wear a helmet at all times so when he goes into a seizure he won't crack his head open. I don't want him to have to take so many medicines that he can't . . . I'm sorry I'm ranting. Have a good night Caroline." Mrs. Mulder sat on her sons bed stunned. What have I done? I should have come sooner. I should have been there for my son. He's my only child now. Come on Caroline, what is your problem? She showered and was about to climb into bed when she heard a soft whimper from the living room. She got up and went to see what it was. Mulder was whimpering softly in his sleep, Caroline kneeled next to him and ran her fingers lightly through his hair, only to have him sit straight up and scream "Scully!" Caroline shrank from him for a second then recovered quickly saying " Shh, Fox its me your mother calm down, it was just a dream." Mulder looked at her with frightened eyes as she started to pet his hair again. She started to hum softly 'Beautiful Boy', singing the chorus softly. Mulder threw her a lopsided grin and asked "What's the rest sound like?" "The rest of what?" "The song. It's John Lennon right? I heard the end of it on the radio the other day and I never heard it again." Mrs. Mulder smiled and started singing the song for him. " Close your eyes Have no fear The monster's gone He's on the run and your mommy's here Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful Beautiful boy Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful Beautiful boy Mulder sighed softly and leaned into his mother's comforting hand nuzzling it softly. Before you go to sleep Say a little prayer Every day in every way It's getting better and better Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful Beautiful boy Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful Beautiful boy Caroline placed a gentle kiss on his forehead as he shifted back onto the couch getting comfortable, she ran her fingers over his face tenderly. He was such a beautiful boy, now he's turned into such a handsome man. I wish I had spent more time with him, gotten to know this man she had before her like she had her beautiful boy. Out on the ocean sailing away I can hardly wait To see you come of age But I guess we'll both just have to be patient 'Cause it's a long way to go A hard row to hoe Yes it's a long way to go But in the meantime Before you cross the street Take my hand Life is what happens to you While you're busy making other plans Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful Beautiful boy Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful Beautiful boy Scully came out sleepily to check on Mulder and saw his mother singing to him, Mulder nestled in her arms fast asleep. She watched the scene before her, and smiled. Before you go to sleep Say a little prayer Every day in every way It's getting better and better Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful Beautiful boy Darling, darling, darling Darling Fox Mrs. Mulder kissed his forehead again and placed his head gently on the pillow, he stirred slightly and sighed heavily. "Your starting a bad habit." Caroline smiled up at Scully "I used to sing him to sleep with a song every night when he was little. I started up again after Samantha was taken or after his father beat him. It helped his nightmares. I forgot I wanted to give him his wedding present tonight. " Oh don't worry, leave it here. He'll open it after the wedding, with the all the others we have piled up." Scully said pointing to the huge stack of gifts in the corner. " I had hoped you'd open it before the wedding. It's actually more for the wedding." Mrs. Mulder went back to her room and came back with a small velvet box and handed it to Scully. She opened it to reveal two diamond and ruby cufflinks. Scully raised her eyebrow in surprise. " They were his father's. He wore them when we got married. I always hoped Fox would wear them to his own wedding." " Thank you Caroline, that is a wonderful gift for him. Here, why don't you give it to him." She said handing them back. Wedding Day Mulder put his tuxedo on and adjusted it in the mirror. Perfect, I look perfect. "Perfect, you look perfect, Precious." His mother said placing a fresh red rose in his lapel. " Now for the finishing touch, your cufflinks. These are special Fox. Your father wore them to our wedding and now I'm passing them to you. Maybe one day you can give them to your own son. Here let me see your cuffs." She said putting the cufflinks on. Mulder sighed heavily and removed his crash helmet. " Free till 4 p.m." He said quietly. His doctor had given him a diazepam shot that morning, so he'd be seizure free all day. If only they would let me take the pills of diazepam, if only it wasn't so addicting, he thought. He combed his stubborn hair into submission and walked out into the church and waited at the altar, waiting for Scully, waiting to start his new life. 1 am Aruba Mulder collapsed on the bed and was immediately asleep. Scully smiled at him, it was a long, exciting day for him. Wedding, reception, plane ride, 3 petit mals, and a lot of simple and complex partial seizures, not to mention he talked non stop for 7 hours about everything he had planned for us to do in Aruba, he must be exhausted. She went and took a shower and came back out to see him still snoring happily in the middle of the bed. Scully pulled him to one side and started to undress him. Mulder stirred slightly when she pulled the covers around him and took off his helmet. "Goodnight Love." Scully said kissing him gently on the forehead and climbing in next to him. Next evening 9 p.m. Scully watched the fireworks display from their balcony as Mulder took a nap. Today was just a shopping day. She knew he'd be tired afterwards, so if she got it out of the way the first day she promised to do what he wanted the next two weeks. She'd gotten everything she'd wanted, plus a few extra things too. She picked up the phone, to call Nick and check in " Hey Nick its me." " Dana what are you doing calling me? Why aren't you two out mamboing on the beach?" Scully laughed " We're doing that tomorrow night, tonight he's recovering from our all day shopping excursion." "Your so cruel to that poor man, you know he can't stand to shop. How is he? No big seizures?" "No not really. He had a few on the plane ride in, but he hasn't had any since we've been on the island." " So have you two . . ." " Gee your worse than my mom! No, when we got in last night, he was exhausted. He was so cute, just came in and collapsed on the bed, asleep in an instant." "Aww, well tell me all the details when you two aren't curling up like little baby cats and are finally humping like . . " " Nick! I'll call you later okay. Oh and start practicing cause I got you those bongo drums you wanted. Bye." She hung up the phone, only to have Mulder's hands start massaging her shoulders lightly. "Hey baby." He said kissing her neck. She was shocked when she felt his hair caress her lower neck, and collar bone instead of the cool plastic of his helmet. She turned slightly in her chair and gazed at him. She ran her fingers across his face "So Beautiful." She whispered as he ran his fingers through her hair. "So are you." He said as he claimed her mouth with his. Her breath was taken away by the aggressive kiss and his exploring hands. She pulled away slightly, Mulder groaned her name in agony. She stood up and headed inside, he followed quickly, taking off his shirt. She turned again when she was at the bed to see a shirtless Mulder looking at her with a burning intensity that sent shivers down her spine. He touched her gingerly on the cheek, letting his hand traced down to the opening of her silk robe. He looked quizzically at her when all he felt was her cool skin and moved closer taking her into his arms as his hands continued there downward exploration. Mulder gasped slightly when he made it down to her hips and felt nothing still. Naked, totally naked Scully. He could smell her arousal and his jeans began to become rather confining. He moved closer to her, undoing the sash on the robe and gently pushing it off her. He gazed at her bare beauty and touched her breasts lightly, looking at her for approval. She nodded as she started her own exploration of his naked torso. She placed little butterfly kisses on his neck, shoulders and chest. She ran her hands along the taunt muscles in his back. He pulled away slightly and eased her on the bed, raining kisses on her chest, and suckling and nipping gently at her breasts, whimpering and groaning with the pleasure of her satisfied moans. Scully reached down and undid his jeans carefully, removing them along with his boxers. The feel of the fabric as it brushed against his erect lower member sent beams of sensation through him. He claimed her mouth hungrily, almost violently with his passion. She offered herself to him, waiting to merge souls, to finally become one. He slowly moved over top of her, attacking her neck with the same gently viciousness he had just done with her lips. He intermittently nipped her in certain places, not enough to draw blood, but enough to leave a mark. Marking his territory, putting up a sign that she was taken, that she was his. He paused his kissing as he entered her hesitantly "It's ok Mulder keep going." He glided in with more confidence. She wrapped her legs high on his waist to allow him more access and easier entry into her soul. Once he was in, he seemed lost in the warmth, the intimacy of it. He would have stayed like that the rest of the night, however, Scully had other plans and started to rock back and forth to bring him back to the here and now. Mulder held her tight against him as he started to thrust into her slowly, then with increasing speed. He released her and framed her head with his hands as he got more leverage and balance to thrust into her with more power. Scully screamed his name as she came in a rush, Mulder quickly following her. He collapsed on top of her, sated, sweating. He hungrily feed on her lips and rolled off of her. " I love you Scully, now you know how much." 2 months later Scully turned over and looked at the clock 7:30 am, she needed to get up. She'd been 5 minutes late all week, the chief pathologist at Quantico was understanding, but not a week's worth of late understanding. Being the assistant chief pathologist at Quantico was a lot of work but very challenging and fun. Now since the chief pathologist is considering retiring soon, if she got in good with him, she was a shoe in for the position. She rolled back and kissed Mulder's bare chest. He opened one eye and smile at her "Morning Scully." He said kissing her softly on the lips. Such a contrast from aroused Mulder, who was fierce and lovingly brutal, morning-after Mulder was gentle to a fault, what Scully called his snuggle bunny phase. "Gotta get up or I'll be late." Mulder nodded and released her from his grasp. As Scully dressed, she asked "What's on your agenda today?" " I have to go into the office and talk with Skinner about a new case, then come home and work. I am going to go out for a walk later. I'll have my utility belt on, if you need me." Scully smiled and nodded. Mulder sat up in bed and looked at his helmets which now equaled three, his plain black one, his UFO one and now his plain black one with the words Spooky13, his email address, airbrushed on the back. He picked up his Spooky13 one and polished it till it shined. " Ok Sweetheart, have a good day." Scully said kissing him gently on the lips before grabbing her briefcase and running out the door. FBI Headquarters Mulder walked into the lobby warily. He hated coming here, all the people staring at him, it made him feel like a bug trapped under a magnifying glass on a hot day. He fixed his ID badge and headed to the elevators. Fox jr whimpered slightly and Mulder sighed relieved, simple or complex partial seizure, just as long as I don't collapse into a grand mal here I'll be eternally grateful, he thought as he pressed the up elevator button. He sandwiched in the back with Fox pressing the 15th floor, hoping no one would notice him back here, flushed and jerking like he had Parkinsons. A dark haired woman turned to look at him, then did double take. "Fox?" Oh shoot! " Fox, what are you doing here?" Oh dang it! Why her? That Fowley woman, she is so annoying! "I'm here to see Skinner." "Really?" "Yeah I'm working for VCS again." "Really as what a profiler?" "Yeah, a profiling consultant actually. When there profilers can't solve it, they send it to me." Mulder looked to see what floor they were on. 8! Why do I have to get the slow elevator with her on it? My non verbals must be working, he thought, she seems to be backing off. Fowley looked down at his left hand which was holding Fox jrs leash. She noticed the gold wedding band. " You got married?" "Uh yes." "Recently?" "Yeah about 2 months ago." "Anyone I know?" "Most likely." Finally the 15th floor, he thought, "Nice seeing you again Fowley. Come on Fox." Mulder said as he practically ran off the elevator. I really can't stand that woman, he thought as he entered Skinners office. "Agent Mulder, how are you?" "Fine, Thank you." " Good, VCS has a tough one for you. Serial killer targets women from the ages of 18-35 does a modified Jeffrey Dahmer on them. Skins them then cuts off the heads and leaves them in public places. Total of 12 victims have been found. Here's the file." "Why didn't you email this to me?" " Because the VCS guys wanted to see you. They have more info plus they wanted to see if you can give them a lead or two." Mulder nodded and rose only to sit back down when Fox jr whined loudly. " Mulder?" "Hold on I'm going to have a petit mal, give me a minute." Then Mulder went into his seizure. When he came out of it he asked, "How long did it last?" "10 minutes." "Hmm long one, I need to hurry up, so I can get home." Skinner nodded and lead him to the VCS conference room where the agents involved were arguing it out. "NO WAY! This is my case! I'm not letting Spooky take over!" "He won't, he's just your profiler. No ones come up with a good profile yet and the last 5 he's done in less than a day and we caught the guy with in hours. We need to get this guy off the streets, to do that we need our best men on this team, which means bringing in Fox Mulder." "Yeah, plus he's mellowed quite a bit since that accident. He's not prone to his takeover tendencies." "Yeah, he's still a little weird though, its even spookier now cause he doesn't even leave his living room and he's catching these guys." "Yeah, plus if he gets too excited he goes into a seizure, that's why he has to wear that helmet all the time." Skinner cleared his throat to alert the other agents that Mulder had arrived. Mulder entered the room slowly, and sat down at the vacant chair at the end of the table. " Hey Mulder, How's it going?" "Fine thank you. You have some more info on the UNSUB for me?" "Here you go Spooky. Crime scene photos, a composite of what we think he looks like. If you could give us anything to go on right now, we'd appreciate it. I know you just got the case, but we really need a lead on this one." Mulder nodded and looked at the photos. Skinned heads placed grotesquely in public places, random places. Mulder's eyes narrowed on something in two of the newer victims pictures. Mulder brushed it lightly with his fingers and asked. "Can you scan this picture in for me and send it to my computer?" "Sure hold on." Mulder pulled out his I-book and linked it to the bureau computer. "Ok sent." Mulder pulled up the picture, enlarged the object and smiled as he recognized it. " What? What are you smiling about?" " Fingerprint, by the right ear on the table." "Fingerprint? Where?" "Right there." Mulder said pointing to it then shutting down and unplugging his I-book "That should be enough clues for you to go on till I can give you guys a full profile." He said as he walked out of the conference room, "Be in touch and send any new info to my email." Mulder said pointing to the back of his helmet. "Man that guy is creepy. Alright get me a close up of that fingerprint and run it. I want a name, address, phone number and shoe size pronto!" Fox jr started barking as soon as Mulder unlocked the door to the apartment. He ran inside, closed the door and headed for a clear area, while setting the timer on his watch before he lost consciousness. Mulder was still seizing when Scully came home. " Oh god Mulder" she said as she ran to him. She looked at his watch 1 hr and 15 mins. Oh no! She called 911 then changed his pants quickly. She knew he'd be mortified if the EMTs came in and saw he'd soiled his pants. Scully opened the door as the EMTs arrived. " Do you have any idea how long he's been seizing?" "About an hour and a half. I just got home and saw him on the floor. I told him to set his watch when he feels one come on." They loaded Mulder on the stretcher and rushed him to the ambulance. Later "What triggered it?" The doctor asked " I don't know. He hasn't had one this severe in months. Is he awake? Maybe he can tell me." Scully said heading towards his room, where he stared at his laptop unseeingly " Mulder? Mulder?" " Yeah?" he said his voice raspy " How you feel?" "Better, thank you." "What happened today sweetie?" Mulder adjusted himself to look at Scully, then started rattling off the days events like an excited child. " That Fowley woman cornered me in the elevator and was talking me to death, then they gave me some gruesome serial killer case where the guy thinks he's Hannibal Lector or something, then the VCS guys wanted me to give them a lead to go on, then I found a fingerprint and came home and Fox jr started barking and that's it." "Well sound like a pretty exciting day. Still doesn't explain the duration of the seizure." " How long?" "2 hrs. you had us worried." Mulder turned his attention back to his screen. "There's something I'm missing. Can you plug in my airport so I can check my email?" Scully plugged it in and ruffled his hair as Mulder logged on "ID found? Huh?" "What?" Scully asked "He's been dead since 1980 victim of a gas line explosion. That's impossible." " Unless he wasn't really dead." Scully said. Mulder nodded then something clicked "That's why he skins them, I bet everyone of them had perfect skin. He's doing a Buffalo bill!" Scully snort laughed "What's so funny?" "Nothing sorry honey, keep going profiler boy." "He's taking his anger out for his accident, which must have left him badly scarred and disfigured, on these people." "Do you think he's making a people suit too?" Scully asked teasingly "Maybe" Mulder answered with a leer, " What do you think they'll say if I include that on the profile?" "Do it." She said with a devilish gleam in her eye. "I'll be right back want something to drink or something?" "Tea, decaf." Mulder said clicking send. Moments later the phone in his room rang. " Mulder?" "Yeah?" "This is SAC Michaelson. We got your profile. But where is he? Where is he going to strike next?" "Check the backgrounds of the victims and send them . . ." "Step ahead of you. All work for a ballet company or model professionally." "Hmm beautiful people, Beautiful people. Hey you what do you say. Something beautiful some thing frayed." "Uh Mulder?" " Sorry just reminded me of Marilyn Manson. Manson wait a second. Where were . . . Are there any goth clubs around where the heads were found?" "Ah I'll check on that. What's that got to do with anything?" "The killer frequents them, but he's not one himself. They wouldn't do this to some one. He know his nature is the reason he can't be a true goth, but he likes to pretend. If only I could get into one of those clubs." "Uh Mulder? You?" "Well someone. We need someone in every club around town. Look for a man with definite facial scarring, tall, blond hair dyed black, heavy, heavy white makeup or a mask. He looks out of place even in there." "Ok will do, but we still need his next target." "I'll work on it. Bye." Mulder sighed heavily, "Who's next, who's next" he muttered under his breath. " Get some sleep Mulder, you'll figure it out. You just got this case this afternoon. Don't stress out or you'll have another seizure." Mulder woke up at 11:30 and felt around for Scully, then remembered where he was. "Scully?" "M, M what?" she muttered, he turned towards her voice to find her asleep in a recliner to his right. "Never mind, you sleep now." Mulder turned on the TV, hoping to push this case out of his head so he could sleep. All he could see when he closed his eyes were severed, skinned heads, and a deformed maniac with a hunting knife peeling his victims skin off with his bare hands. Mulder turned the news on to see VCS agents swarming around an area and the SAC talking with a reporter. "He's very dangerous, he's sought in the abduction and murder of various young women over the past 3months." The composite sketch was flashed up followed by a picture of Mulder. "Special Agent Fox Mulder has delivered another stunning profile on the killer, and now we need your help. If you see this person call us immediately." Mulder screamed as he went into a grand mal seizure, but instead of his blessed darkness, he saw something else. A young girl about 8 screaming his name, being taken out of a window. A young boy frozen with fear watching then collapsing from shock, then it was replaced with concerned blue eyes. "Scully?" "Hey sweetheart, every things alright what happened?" " I don't know. I was . . . I saw something during my seizure." " What triggered your seizure? Do you know? You screamed some thing about accelerating?" "Oh stupid idiot VCS went public on the UNSUB trying to flush him out, now he'll either accelerate or go underground." " Mr Mulder, if your work is stressing you out maybe you should . ." His doctor started "a Vacation? I'd love to, but I can't, not with this guy out there." "Well then maybe you should . . ." "Think about changing jobs? No way this is exciting, challenging. I like my job. Most of my cases aren't this stressful." The doctor conceded defeat and left. Scully smiled, still concerned. "I'll be alright, I just have to find this guy." Mulder said reassuringly Mulder fell in and out of sleep, seeing more of the scene he'd seen before. Who is Samantha? Why am I so young? Are we related? The next morning " Scully who's Samantha?" "She was your sister?" "Really? Why haven't I seen her?" "She was kidnaped, when you were 12." "So that's what I'm seeing." "What do you mean?" "During my seizures I saw her abduction. I was frozen to the spot." "I know its okay. You've been looking for her. It's good your remembering things, Carol will be pleased." Mulder smiled and ran his fingers through her hair. She kissed him gently on the lips. "They want to run a few more tests and then we can go home okay? There going to try you on Diazepam tablets. It's habit forming so that's why they haven't tried them before, but with you seizures getting longer and more frequent it's there last option. " Mulder got ready to stand up "Helmet Mulder." He frowned and put it on following Scully down the hall. 5:30 The Mulder's Apartment Mulder checked his email, no new leads figures, he's not dumb just psychotic. Then his eyes narrowed on a new email from a gothic wonder. He opened it "I hear you looking for me." Was all it said. Oh God! "What Mulder?" Oops, I said that out loud? "He has my email. The UNSUB sent me email." Just then he got an IM message from the gothic wonder. Gothic wonder:: I've been reading about you. Spooky13:: Really? I've been reading about you too. Anything interesting? Gothic wonder:: Yes. You are a truly worthy adversary. Spooky13:: I'm glad I have your approval Gothic wonder:: Surprised by your recovery. Most people don't survive Mack Trucks running them over. Spooky13:: Most people don't survive Gas lines frying them like a fritter either. Gothic wonder:: Enough banter. I want to have some fun. But first, how's your pretty wife doing? Spooky13:: She's fine. Chosen your next victim? Gothic wonder:: Maybe it's someone you know, like your precious little Dana. Spooky13:: That's Scully to you and I wouldn't try it she'd armed and will shot you in a heartbeat. Gothic wonder:: Yes I know. She's shot you on occasion, hasn't she? Spooky13:: So what kind of fun are you planning? Gothic wonder:: A little treat for you and your buddies at the FBI. I know they'll love it, especially you. And with that he was gone. " He knows more about me than I do." Mulder said laughing nervously. Scully rubbed his shoulders lightly "It's alright stay calm. He's just playing mind games. Want something to eat?" Mulder shook his head no and spread out the photos, there is something I'm missing. " Mulder?" It had been almost 24 hours and he hadn't left the study. Scully was beginning to worry. He was unconsciously falling back into his old profiling habit of not eating, drinking, nothing till he was forced to. "Here Mulder take your meds. I made you a sandwich, and here's some iced tea." Mulder nodded and swallowed down his pills and took a bite of his sandwich. He checked his email again, finally gothic wonder. "Do you see what I see little Fox?" then Mulder got an IM message Gothic wonder:: Why do they call you Spooky? Spooky13:: Cause I know things no one else does, because I can read people like there an open book, cause I can find and explain people like you, quicker and better than anyone else. And because some people find me a little strange too. Gothic wonder:: Hmm, are you psychic? Spooky13:: Not yet, do you think I'm spooky? Gothic wonder:: LOL Yeah right. How was your hospital stay? Spooky13:: Comfy. How was yours? Gothic wonder:: I meant your recent one. You know it sucks I won't get to meet you face to face. I mean with your condition and all. Say does that helmet you have to wear get hot? Spooky13:: No it's vented. Gothic wonder:: Guess I'll have to send you this picture of my newest victim then, let you have fun trying to ID her. You know, I'm tired of playing games Mulder. I'm in pain all the time. I want it to stop, I want you to stop me. Spooky13:: Well I'm waiting Gothic wonder:: Sent! Nice chatting with you Mulder, say you ever find your sister? Spooky13:: No, why? Mulder clicked on his mail and pulled up the picture of a pretty young woman about 35, bound in a corner looking the worse for wear. She looked strangely familiar. Gothic wonder:: I have. And with that he was gone. Mulder looked back at the picture quickly. "OH GOD! SAMANTHA!" Mulder said as he bolted out of the study " Mulder? What's wrong?" "Samantha, he has Samantha!" " Who? This gothic wonder guy? How do you know?" " Picture, he sent me a picture." Fox jr started barking and Scully grabbed Mulder quickly and laid him down in a clear space as he started his seizure. Scully went in the study to see what he was ranting about and saw the picture. It is her! Scully dialed the SAC "I need to speak with SAC Michaelson now!" "Michaelson." "This is Agent Scully, I'm calling for . . ." "Mulder? He got another lead?" "Well sort of. He knows who the new victim is, it's . . ." Scully felt the phone snatched out of her hand and turned to se a rumpled looking Mulder " I got it from here Scully. He's sent me a picture of the newest victim. He has . .. He has my sister." "Are you sure?" "Positive. I know where he has her too. It's a vampire club down on M street." "How do you know . ." "Don't ask questions, just meet me down there. He wants a showdown. He said he's tired of the games and wants me to stop him. He plans to either get caught tonight or die. He won't do either if I'm not there." With that Mulder hung up and went to change clothes. "Scully, you better change too, this is a vampire club, you'll stick out." Scully didn't question him but changed into a pair of leather pants and a maroon baby tee, and her doc martens then went to put on some appropriate makeup. Mulder switched into his Black leather pants and a tight black t-shirt, and grabbed his Spooky 13 helmet. "Come on Fox lets go." Scully looked at the dog who had on a black spiked collar. "Even he had to get dressed for undercover work?' "He would have stuck out like a sore thumb." Scully smiled and cocked her gun. "Here" Mulder said throwing her a large Black cape with a red lining. " I won't ask why you have this stuff Mulder." "Good, though those leather pants your wearing are . . ." "Lets go Mulder." "Nice tattoo." Vampire's Lair The lights flickered on and off in the building and Scully instinctively covered Mulder's eyes. "Here put these on." She said putting a pair of Raybans on his face. Mulder gripped Fox jrs leash tightly. "I'll mingle, you find him." Scully said Mulder nodded and wadded through the crowd unnoticed. He didn't want to tell Scully he'd been here before. He didn't feel like a freak here, he didn't feel like Spooky Mulder, he felt free, strong, whole, and powerful. A patron came up to Mulder and smiled "Mr. Sinister and little Sin didn't expect to see you guys tonight. Where's your cape?" "Hey Shadow, I let my friend borrow it. Doesn't she look regal?" Mulder said pointing to Scully, who had blended in nicely, and was now dancing rather provocatively with another woman. "Yes she does. Are you in charge tonight?" "No not tonight. Just here to relax." "What's her name? She's mesmerizing." "Dana." Mulder replied, his voice full of jealous indignation, Shadow didn't notice "Very enchanting and alluring. I'll go introduce myself." Mulder growled under his breath, then forced himself to focus on his work. People moved out of his way like he was a king, then a cool quiver went up his spine and he looked to his right to see a man in a white mask watching him, then he ran off. That's him! Mulder ran after him, running down corridors and hallways till they came to a large unfurnished room in the back of the building. "Finally we meet face to face, Mulder. Who's your little friend?" "What you don't know? What's your name or do I get to call you gothic wonder?" "Well Spooky13, if you must know, my name is Zane and you know her don't you?" Zane said removing his mask to reveal a badly splotched and scarred face, then he shook Samantha who he had by her hair. "Lets see what she has to say?" "Fox! I thought you were dead." "Not yet. Zane let her go." "Or what? You don't have a gun and it will take your little queen Dana at least 20 minutes to find us, by then one of us will be dead." Then Zane smiled, "Nice helmet. Turn around, let me see it." Mulder turned quickly, then turned back motioning for Samantha to stay still. " Nice did your precious Dana make that for you?" "Yes she did." "Oh poor Samantha has no idea who were talking about Mulder, tell her. No? Your letting me? ok, Dana, his little queen, precious love of his life, his red headed dream muffin, is his wife. You two haven't been married long have you?" " No " "How long? Tell your sister" " 2 months." "Aww newlyweds. She helped your brother here back after he was hit by a truck about, what a year ago?" "Year and a half." "Yeah she was his partner at the FBI for 7 years before the accident. Cute couple, she's' a doll. Hope you live long enough to see her." Mulder stepped towards him and Zane drew a gun and pointed it to Samantha's head. "Back down Spooky." Mulder stopped and Fox jr growled. "Oh so Mulder, who's your little friend?" "Fox jr." "Fox jr? Original, your new partner?" "Kinda." "Epilepsy dog huh? Rare your little Dana sure can pull strings. She's a doctor you know Samantha, a forensic pathologist, does autopsies, no wonder she fits in here." Far off Mulder heard Scully call out his name. " Scully! In here!" Zane chuckled " Oh please, like she'll know where here . . . is." Zane stood there shocked as Scully appeared Sig drawn, cape flapping behind her. " Now that's Spooky!" Mulder allowed a smile and straightened as he moved his hand to his knife on his belt. "Samantha meet Mulder's Lady, Dana." " Humor him." Mulder whispered " Hey Samantha" Scully said. Samantha smiled "You were right, she is pretty." "Well I need to cut this short. I always hated family reunions." Zane cocked the gun and place it in Samantha's ear. Scully raised her gun and pulled the trigger, just as Mulder whipped out his knife and threw it. When Mulder opened his eyes, he saw Zane on the ground, his knife buried deep in his forehead, a bullet hole in his throat. "Nice Shot." Mulder and Scully said simultaneously, then Mulder tore off his helmet and ran to Samantha who was sitting in a pool of blood. "Samantha, Samantha are you okay?" Samantha looked up at him, blood seeping from her mouth, blood pouring out of her ear. "Fox, I missed you." "Oh Samantha please, please don't . . ." He squeezed her tighter against her chest as the rest of the VCS team trudged in. "Wow! Deadly!" "Oh man great Shot Spooks!" "Right between the eyes, where did he get that knife anyway?" "I didn't know he was armed, watch out" The Team said as they saw Zane's body "Fox, your wife's pretty, sorry I missed the wedding." She ran her fingers through his hair, "Sorry I missed everything. I loved you Fox." "I love you too Samantha, please stay with me. Scully?" Scully came over to him, felt her pulse, gone. Better put up a show for Mulder's sake, but its no use, bullet ripped through her brain. Scully rolled her on her back and started CPR, while Mulder gulped for air trying desperately to calm himself, so he wouldn't have a seizure. He moved to stand up. "Don't Mulder or you'll have to put your helmet back on. Stay down." Scully said during compressions. The paramedics broke through and looked at the scene. "Call GUMC tell them we'll have two DOA's coming there way. Ma'am we'll take over." Scully gladly stopped CPR and let the EMT's take over. They checked Samantha's pulse, nothing, they looked at the wound to the head, the blood and brain congealing on the floor and pulled a sheet over her. Mulder let out a howl of pain, and Scully grabbed him to her trying to calm him. "Its alright Mulder, at least you found her. You were some solace to her. Stay calm." Mulder was overcome with tears as he sobbed hysterically in her arms. "What's wrong with him? We got the guy." one of the VCS agents asked. "Stupid, the woman, she was his sister, the one who he'd been looking for, for decades. Show some respect." SAC Michaelson responded. Mulder no longer was crying tears and was hiccuping out dry sobs as they carried her away. They came to Zane and looked at him. "Well guess the question is what killed him? The Bullet or the Knife." The coroner said as he bent to examine the knife. "Spooky 13? Who's that?" Mulder looked up and quietly said " Me." "Wow! Nice shot where were you standing when you stabbed him." " I threw it. I was in the doorway." "That's a good 30 ft, great aim. I have to keep the knife over night that ok?" Mulder nodded, grabbed his helmet and walked out of the Vampire's Lair for once, feeling empty and defeated. Mulder was silent on the way home, drifting into petit mals every now and then. He seemed lost in a haze, just responding to stimuli. He immediately collapsed on the couch when Scully opened the door. Scully changed and washed the makeup off her face and grabbed a blanket for him from the hall closet. She came back to the living room to find Mulder desperately scrubbing at something on the couch. She came up behind the couch and Mulder looked up at her with frightened eyes. " I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I forgot . . .I got it everywhere. I'm sorry, it'll never come out now." Scully looked down to see blood all over the couch. Samantha's blood. Scully went to Mulder throwing the blanket around him. He was trembling and crying softly. "It's okay Mulder. I'm here, it will be alright, shh baby" Scully said as she removed his helmet and tucked his head under her chin. " Come on baby, we'll worry about the couch another day." She said urging Mulder to his feet, he clung to her "Don't leave me Scully, don't leave." "I won't Mulder, I won't. Let me get those clothes off you okay?" As she removed his shirt, she looked into his eyes and saw raw, fierce, passion, and burning desire, then he pushed her down on the bed and ravaged her mouth with his. She resisted only a minute then he said " Please I need you, I need to know you're here, I need to love you Scully." Scully closed her eyes and fell into his dark passion. 1 day after Samantha's funeral " Mulder? I got some videos for you Mulder?" Scully said putting the videos down on the table and going back to there bedroom. She heard him softly talking to himself and Scully smiled, must be asleep she thought as she pushed the door open to see. Mulder was standing in the middle of the room, his hair dyed coal black, his arms covered with cuts and her gun in his mouth. Scully ran and tackled him making him drop the gun. "Mulder! Mulder! What is .. .What happened?" "My fault, I couldn't save her again. I don't deserve to be here anymore. I don't want to be here anymore." "Oh god Mulder, don't say that please. Your warm, you have a temperature, come on let me clean you up a little." Mulder pushed her away roughly " I don't need your help! I don't need you!" "Mulder please your not well! Your upset!" "Leave me alone Dana!" Mulder said wrenching out of her grasp, losing his balance, his head crashing down on the corner of the dresser. Scully ran and got a cool rag and placed it on the cut. "Ow!" "I know I'm sorry, you really banged your head. Nothing too bad though, here hold this and I'll find something to bandage your arms with." She got up, and Mulder touched her arm lightly making her turn "I'm sorry about what I said. I didn't mean it. You know I love you, you know how much I need you, don't you Scully?" "Yes, I know. I love you too Mulder, but you need to tell me what's wrong for me to help you, to help us work through this okay?" Mulder nodded and sighed softly as she left. 4 weeks later " Hey Nick." "Dana how's it going?" "Okay" "He hasn't tried to . . ." "No he seems to have stopped the suicide attempts at the moment. But he's out late every night, and when he comes home, he smells like smoke and strong liquor. I just need a break, I need out, I want to go somewhere where I don't have to worry that my mentally unstable husband is there trying to kill himself." "Ok I'm on my way over, where we going?" " The Vampires Lair, so wear you best gothic wear." "Okay, I won't ask, see you soon." Vampires Lair The music boomed, it was a strange mix of music, not the full bodied club music that usually played, but still good to dance to. Nick and Scully mixed in with the crowd and became lost in the music. Scully felt free, no problems, no worries till she heard a familiar primal scream fill the place followed by Light my fire by the Doors. Scully moved closer to the stage and saw him, Mulder, helmet less, dropping what looked like speed into a glass of vodka and gulping it down quickly. He stood up quickly and switched the music from the doors to Marilyn Manson. Mulder mixed another deadly drug/alcohol concoction and drank it. " He's wild tonight." "Wha . . .Oh Hi Shadow." "Mr. Sinister is in charge tonight. He has been most of the week. He's definitely working through something. You can tell by his music choices. Exorcizing demons galore." "He's being reckless." "His helmet? I know he hasn't worn it in weeks." "Weeks?" "Yeah since that incident in the back room, he's been here every night, sometimes all night." Scully looked back at Mulder, who's eyes gleamed with devilish delight and rage. " He seems alright though, want to dance?" "Sure." This is my time, my night, I will deal with him later. " Shadow this is my friend Nick." Scully, Nick and Shadow started dancing, as the night progressed Shadow bent and kissed Scully innocently on her cheek, during a slower song. Mulder picked that same moment to look into the crowd and saw Scully was there, and then saw Shadow kiss her. He jumped down off the stage and ran over to them, pushing Shadow hard with a fierce growl. "Back off" "Whoa man, I was just dancing with her. "Don't touch her, she's mine!" "I don't see your name on her _Mr_ sinister." Shadow said sarcastically, annoyed by the interruption. Mulder grabbed Scully's hand, and pushed it in Shadow's face "You see that huh? See that? That's a wedding ring, see this one?" Mulder said punching him hard with his left hand, "That's mine." Shadow stood up and wiped the blood from his chin and licked it off his hand. "I going to kill you." He said charging Mulder. The two men tumbled to the ground, fists and curse words flying, the other patrons crowded around watching, waiting to pounce on the loser. Mulder was on top of Shadow, pounding his face into a pulp till suddenly he stopped and grabbed at something in his stomach. Shadow had stabbed him with a knife. Mulder pulled it out enraged, grabbed Shadow in a headlock and cut his throat from ear to ear, then dropped the knife and fell to his knees. "Scully?" He said softly, holding his stomach. "I got you Mulder, come on you need to get to a hospital." ER " I need help, he's been stabbed in the stomach, he's epileptic." Scully said as a team of nurses came running out with a stretcher, loading Mulder up and rushing him inside. "So much for forgetting about Mulder." Nick said, Scully snorted. "He needs help or he'll go back out and do that again." "What about his therapist?" "He refuses to see her. Maybe this . . .I think I'm going to have to do something else, something I don't want to do." " Mrs. Mulder? Um can we speak with you?" "Sure I can guess about what too." "You can?" "You found large amounts of diazepam, alcohol, and methamphetamines in his system." "How did you know?" " I just found out tonight." "You know the drug OD would have killed him before the knife wound. We had to pump his stomach." Scully closed her eyes and steeled herself for the next set of questions. "Has he tried to deliberately kill himself before?" "Yes, a tragic event happened in his life about a month ago and he's been suicidal ever since. I didn't think it was this bad though. He made cuts on his arm and tried to shoot himself. He's never OD'd on his medicines before." " With your permission, I would like to transfer him to the psyche ward." "He's not crazy, just depressed." "To the point of attempting suicide, he needs help and he'll get the best care there." " Just don't restrain him." "If he doesn't give us problems, we won't. If he presents a danger to himself or others, we will have no choice but to restrain and sedate him. I'm sorry Mrs. Mulder, but this is necessary." Scully nodded and went to the window and looked in on Mulder. He sighed heavily and looked out his window, a tear rolling down his cheek. 3 days later Psyche Ward Scully came into his room slowly, he was sleeping the sleep of Avitan. He had a violent outburst when he got up and couldn't find her. One nurse was suffering from a concussion after having Mulder break a chair over his head trying to get away. He opened his eyes and focused on her. "Scully? Where were you? "Went to get some dinner." "Oh, How's Shadow?" "He's fine, he said no hard feelings" "How's Fox jr?" "He misses you, so do I." Mulder smiled "I'm right here." "No your not." Mulder looked at her confused and reached for her hand but she brushed his away. " No Mulder! NO! Not this time! I refuse to see you do this to yourself. I refuse to watch you destroy yourself. You're a brilliant, wonderful man and I refuse to stand by helpless as you fall deeper into darkness. No more! If you won't talk to me about this, you will talk to one of these doctor's here or you won't leave! Now tell me! Tell me now or I can't promise I'll be here the next time you wake up. I'm tired Mulder, so tired of this crap and it stops right now!" Scully said wiping away angry tears. Mulder looked shocked, then found his voice, "You wouldn't leave me, would you Scully?" She stayed silent. "You're my life, the reason I get up everyday, you can't . . ." "But you can Mulder? You can kill yourself, in a sense leave me and expect me to live with it, but I can't just leave you? You are such a selfish bastard!" Mulder opened his mouth to protest, but couldn't, he didn't know what to say, he was selfish. "I am selfish, aren't I?" Scully nodded yes "I've put you though so much. I'm so sorry Scully." He said reaching for her, she fell into his arms and they cried together for several minutes. "Better?" Mulder said cupping her face gently "A little" she said and he held her again. "I've been remembering things, confusing things that when they pieced together I saw how worthless, how empty my life has been. I forgot what was important and started to wallow in self pity, but I'm better now really." "Not this time Mulder. You still have to see a psychologist before I sign anything to let you out of here." Mulder nodded and gripped her tighter against his chest, trying desperately to hold on to the last shred of sanity left in his life. AUTHOR NOTES::: Epilepsy, also called seizure disorder, chronic brain disorder that briefly interrupts the normal electrical activity of the brain to cause seizures, characterized by a variety of symptoms including uncontrolled movements of the body, disorientation or confusion, sudden fear, or loss of consciousness. Epilepsy may result from a head injury, stroke, brain tumor, lead poisoning, genetic conditions, or severe infections like meningitis or encephalitis. In over 70 percent of cases no cause for epilepsy is identified. About 1 percent of the world population, or over 2 million people, are diagnosed with epilepsy. Types of Seizures Epileptic seizures vary in intensity and symptoms depending on what part of the brain is involved. In partial seizures, the most common form of seizure in adults, only one area of the brain is involved. Partial seizures are classified as simple partial, complex partial (also known as psychomotor), and absence (also known as myoclonic or petit mal) seizures. People who have simple partial seizures may experience unusual sensations such as uncontrollable jerky motions of a body part, sight or hearing impairment, sudden sweating or flushing, nausea, and feelings of fear. Complex partial seizures, also called temporal lobe epilepsy, last for only one or two minutes. The individual may appear to be in a trance and moves randomly with no control over body movements. The individual's activity does not cease during the seizure, but behavior is random and totally unrelated to the individual's surroundings. This form of seizure may be preceded by an aura (a warning sensation characterized by feelings of fear, abdominal discomfort, dizziness, or strange odors and sensations). Absence seizures, rare in adults, are characterized by a sudden, momentary loss or impairment of consciousness. Overt symptoms are often as slight as an upward staring of the eyes, a staggering gait, or a twitching of the facial muscles. No aura occurs and the person often resumes activity without realizing that the seizure has occurred. In a second type of epilepsy, known as generalized seizure, tonic clonic, grand mal, or convulsion, the whole brain is involved. This type of seizure is often signaled by an involuntary scream, caused by contraction of the muscles that control breathing. As loss of consciousness sets in, the entire body is gripped by a jerking muscular contraction. The face reddens, breathing stops, and the back arches. Subsequently, alternate contractions and relaxations of the muscles throw the body into sometimes violent agitation such that the person may be subject to serious injury. After the convulsion subsides, the person is exhausted and may sleep heavily. Confusion, nausea, and sore muscles are often experienced upon awakening, and the individual may have no memory of the seizure. Attacks occur at varying intervals, in some people as seldom as once a year and in others as frequently as several times a day. About 8 percent of those subject to generalized seizures may have status epilepticus, in which seizures occur successively with no intervening periods of consciousness. These attacks may be fatal unless treated promptly with the drug diazepam.