Six months later How could he do this? His Fault she was here on that operating table. His fault. The tears welled up in his eyes streaming down his face. He didn't care who saw them he was overwhelmed by guilt. Mrs. Scully smoothed his back with her hand trying unsuccessfully to still his sobs. Not your fault Fox. You didn't know, she thought. She knew he wouldn't believe her if she said it out loud so she didn't waste her breath. Ectopic pregnancy. Ruptured, emergency hysterectomy, lost a lot of blood, trying our best. Mulder was consumed in his thoughts when the doctor came out of the OR red-faced and obviously very tired. " Mr. Mulder, It was successful, she tolerated the surgery well, were moving her to ICU. You'll be able to see her then." Mulder nodded wiping his eyes. Pull yourself together man come on. Why now? " She'll miss Fox jrs. Graduation from obedience school." Mulder said instantly smiling. Most people would be talking about their kids graduation, not there dogs. He sighed, that's why we don't need kids were crazy. A nurse came out and showed Mulder to Scully's room. It seemed like she was hooked up to every machine the hospital had. Mulder's tears started again as he held her hand lightly. He brought it to his lips and kissed it gently murmuring " I'm sorry, I'm sorry." 8:30 p.m. The nurse came in and touched Mulder on his back lightly " Visiting hours are over sir, you could come back tomorrow." The pleading, hopeless look in Mulder's eyes changed her mind " Do you want a blanket or something sir?" Mulder managed a nod and a Thank you. When the nurse came back with pillows and blankets, she looked at him. He was a moderately handsome man, with expressive eyes, beautiful hands and he hasn't left her side since he was let in, I don't even think he's shifted in the chair any. " How long have you been married?" " A year and a half." Mulder said blankly devoid of any emotion. " Did you know? Did you know she was pregnant?" " no, neither did she" " oh" the nurse said laying the blankets and pillows on the recliner she had moved in for him. He's not very talkative, she thought, Maybe I'm not asking the right questions, or maybe he's just so concerned about his wife that he doesn't want to waste his thoughts talking to you. " Would it have been your first child?" Mulder nodded. The nurse then flashed a confused look at Mulder " I over heard you say she'll miss Fox jrs graduation, Um if I'm not mistaken your name is Fox also , so I assume you were talking about your son?" " Fox jr. is our Siberian Husky. He's graduating from obedience school. It's a little joke." " Oh" she smiled. She liked Mr. Mulder instantly. He seemed very devoted to his wife, she liked that. Most husbands would have left and gone home by now. She touched his shoulder again and they locked eyes " I'm Emily if you need some one to talk to or anything else let me know. I'm going to be your wife's regular nurse Okay?" Mulder managed a smile and nodded. If only she could do something about this nagging feeling of guilt. Emily came into the room quietly. Mr. Mulder was half in the recliner, half on his wife's bed. It didn't look comfortable, but at least he was sleeping. She reached over him to get to her IV. He shifted and exhaled softly. Then Emily noticed his wife's hand in his hair, lightly playing among the locks of chestnut. Emily smiled and checked her other IV, when the Demerol bottle slipped out of her hands and crashed to the floor. " Dang it!" She picked up the pieces quickly and looked up to find Mr. Mulder's intense gaze on her. He smiled and sat up in his chair stretching. " Good morning Mr. Mulder, did you sleep well?" Mulder nodded and scratched at his growing beard. He watched Emily for a second then asked " What time is it?" " 8:00 am" " What time is breakfast?" " From now till 9:30" Mulder nodded and smoothed his wife's hair way from her face. "How's everything look?" " Pretty good. She seems to be fighting the toxemia from the ruptured tube well, but she's still unconscious. Did she um . ." " What?" " did she place her hand in you hair or did you?"Mulder blushed slightly " I did, though she was playing with it a little when you first came in." Emily looked at him surprised, Mulder clarified " Light sleeper. How long do you think she'll stay like this?" " Till everything is cleared out of her system, another day or so tops." Mulder sighed and rose slowly, heading to the bathroom to clean up. Emily sighed and went to chart at the nurses station. " So how does she really look?"One of the nurses asked " Not too great, the blood loss plus the toxemia are making it hard for her. He just looks so lost, I wanted to give him a little hope." " He seems a little strange, plus he suffers from insomnia, he was pacing and muttering to himself all night." " There basically newlyweds, married a year and a half. He seems quiet, probably the sweetest guy." " When he's not in the hospital bed yeah. He's been a patient here so many times, it's not funny. As recent as 8 months ago, failed suicide attempt." "What? Why?" " He shot his wife by accident in the line of duty and thought he killed her, couldn't live with it I guess. Just imagine if anything happens to her now, he may just put that gun in his mouth and do it right." Emily looked back towards Mrs. Mulder's room and saw Mulder lean over her and tenderly kiss her forehead. Emily smiled as he stepped out of the room. " I'll be back around 2 or 3" " Ok Mr. Mulder have a good day. Fox jrs graduation?" Mulder nodded and smiled as he continued out the door. " I thought they didn't have any kids. Who's Fox jr?" " There dog" Emily said as she went to her next patient. 3 p.m. Mulder bustled in with a bouquet of wildflowers under his arm. He smiled softly as he edged into his wife's room full of visitors. He place the flowers in the vase next to her bed and left the room. Emily looked up. She knew it was him, he had a distinct smell slaty and sweet like chocolate covered peanuts covered by Nautica cologne. She found it very intoxicating. " How's everything?" " She looked good, same as this morning." Mulder nodded then asked suddenly " Want to see a picture of the kids?" Emily smiled and nodded. Mulder pulled out a Polaroid from his jacket pocket and displayed it proudly. "Kaja's or little girl she's a year and a half and Little Fox there will be a year next month." Emily admired the picture of the two beautiful "kids" and handed it back to their beaming "father" " Do you have any kids, Emily?" " no, no pets." " I meant real kids." " Two daughters, 6 and 10." Mulder sighed " I bet there beautiful." Emily picked up the picture she had of them on her desk and handed it to Mulder, who stared at it in awe. " The 10 year old's name is Jade, and the 6 year old is Zoe." Mulder's eyes teared up and he handed the picture back. " There gorgeous. Daddy's girls?" He said he voice cracking slightly " Um not any more. There dad died in a plane crash last year." " I'm sorry" " you didn't know" " I always wanted a little girl, I . . ." Mulder stopped suddenly choked with emotion. " I'm sorry" he said walking outside. Emily wasn't going to let him off that easy and followed him outside. She found him on a bench, tears rolling down his cheeks. " You lied to me Emily." " Huh?" she said surprised he noticed her presence " You told me she was getting better. She's not." Emily tried to object " NO!! I need you to be honest with me. Is she going to die?" " No." " Is she going to ever wake up?" " Yes" " When?" " I don't know." " You know about my extensive medical history?" " Yes" " id she dies, no ones going to stop me. NO ONE. I'm going to put it in my mouth, and this time I won't miss." Emily closed her eyes trying to beat back the fear that was threatening to overwhelm her. Mulder rose and changed moods instantly " Can I buy you some lunch or coffee or something?" Emily blinked and looked at Mulder. Suicidal one second, cheerful the next, this guy has some problems. " Um sure. Coffee sounds great. Um Mr. Mulder, can I ask you a personal question?" Mulder looked at her with a look of feigned surprise and nodded " Have you ever considered counseling? You know seeing a psychologist or something?" " What ever makes yo think I need one? Just kidding. Actually I see one about once a month or so to balance myself. I used to see one regularly a couple times a week a few months ago, but she said we could cut back." Mulder said matter of factly " It's just Scully's my whole . . . How can I phrase this? She's my reason for living. She's the center of my little universe. If I lost her I'd be nothing, just an empty shell without a sol, understand?" Emily nodded, her cheeks red slightly embarrassed by the expressions of love that issued from him. " You really love her" " More than life itself, which is something my shrinks trying to work on. I have self esteem issues." He turned to gauge her response. She nodded quietly, absorbing what she heard " come on, how about a mocha?" 4 days later Emily came into Mrs. Mulder's room and found Mulder in he usual sleeping position. Half in the chair, half on his wife's bed, he hand in his hair, but something was different. Her hand rose from his hair to brush back a few strands that had strayed to his brow and it played on his ear before ruffling his hair lightly. Emily finished checking her vitals and felt an intense gaze on her. She assumed it was Mulder but as she turned he was still asleep, a pair of ocean blue eyes were watching her. A deep breathy voice said " Hello." Emily stopped shocked " Mrs. Mulder, well nice to finally see you awake." Scully smiled "Please call me Dana. Has he behaved himself?" She asked patting her husbands head lightly " Well besides keeping a few of us up at all night with his pacing, he's been good." " Really? Hard to believe . . . Emily." She said looking at her name tag. "Nice to meet you and thank you for taking care of him for me." " The pleasure was all mine."