Melanie glared at Hollie, "He touches my leg once more, I'm going to kill him" she thought. Hollie smiled happily through the alcoholic haze, not getting the point. Melanie brushed his hand out of the way for the fifth time that evening and got up "Anybody else want a drink, I'm off the the bar?". Nobody did.

Melanie decided to get a cocktail, and after a brief look at the menu decided on a Pink Flamingo. The cocktail looked pinker than usual but that could just be too much strawberry juice in it, the new barman wasn't very good after all, looked a bit too vacant and was always humming some really annoying song. Even though strawberries didn't usually come in magenta so far as she knew Melanie decided that there was no point wasting good alcohol just beacuse of a slightly funny color.

The bar closed and of course the next stop after an evening of alcohol had to be The Death Van(1) to get a greasy burger or some chips. "Hey Mel, you coming to The Van" Ann asked. Melanie almost said yes automatically but strangely didn't feel like eating anything like that. "No, I don't feel like it, I'll go back to my room and get an apple or something" Melanie replied. "An apple? are you sure you're feeling alright?" Ann was looking kinda puzzled. "Yeah I' m fine, just don't feel like anything as unhealthy as Van food right now".

On the way back Melanie realised that even though she was drunk and should be feeling quite dozy she really wasn't able to think very straight and since it was a cold night she decided to go for a walk to see if the cold air would clear her head a little. Half an hour later she wasn't feeling any better so decided she might as well walk home and try to sleep. As Melanie neared home she got into one of the more well lit areas, where it's actually possible to see where you are going, and got a look at her hair through the corner of her eye. It wasn't it's usual colour, it was a very odd pink colour. Melanie only worried about it for a few seconds before deciding that she would find out who had put something in her shampoo and do something very painful to them.

Melanie climbed the stairs to her flat ready to do something very unpleasant to her flatmate if the magenta hair was her fault. Ann wasn't in so Melanie thought she might as well try and wash the pink dye out. After half an hour of washing Melanie's hair was still as magenta as it had been, Melanie suspected that the colour might even have got more flourescent, time to give up before it got any worse. Melanie Dried her hair and went to sleep.

A few hours later Melanie woke up, she was feeling even more vacant and unable to think straight than she had earlier. Vowing never to drink again Melanie walked to the bathroom to get a drink of water. There was something magenta in the bathroom mirror. Melanie's hair was now very magenta, and her eyes were matching it, the really strange thing was that she sort of liked it, she didn't even mind that her skin seemed to be getting a magenta tint as well.

M'helanie started humming a song, a song she would later know to be the evil chant that all sponge minions like to sing(2). She skipped out of her flat still singing and skipped through the college buildings towards the exit, stoping briefly on the way to hug the porter that was asking her to shut up and quit making that annoying noise, even the porter known as the Fudd(3) couldn't annoy her now, she luved everyone!

M'helanie skipped along the high street, there was someone walking towards her, some of them were wearing uniforms that looked like military uniforms but no military uniform she could recognise, but then thinking wasn't her strong point right then anyway. M'helanie decided that even though she didn't know who they were she might as well go over and sing her nice special song for them.

As she got closer she could see they were all looking at her strangely, how rude! They'd be sure to be friendlier if she went over and sang her favorite song for them.
"Is that person color blind or do I see something that could have a rather spongie mind?" she heard one of the men in uniform ask. M'helanie wasn't sure she liked what these people were saying, but surely they could be persuaded to be nice if she sang a nice song for them.

M'helanie skipped over and said "hello friends!", then giggled vacantly "Do you want to hear my song?". "No" was the reply, surprisingly enough. They were sure to like it if they heard it so M'helanie started singing the 'special' song. They all looked at her distatefully, what nasty people! M'helanie carried on singing, these people needed someone to sing a nice song for them.

"Eeeeeewwww, someone make that thing be quiet before I loose my Unhellthy Snack" said one of the men.
"It'd be my pleasure" replied another "Prepare to die, Sponge Minion!!".
M'helanie was starting to think these people were really not nice by now, she pouted at them then started singing again, what kind of nasty people would want to killl something? M'helanie didn't know what a Sponge Minion was but she was sure it was very nice and luvable and didn't need to be killed.

M'helanie saw that one of the men had some kind of Sharp and Nasty Object in his hand and he was heading towards her, hmm... maybe they thought she was one of these Sponge Minions that they wanted to kill, that would not be nice. "You are not nice" M'helanie said before running as fast as she could. The four Jihaddi chased after her, the song was not appreciated and this Sponge was going to suffer for it.

M'helanie was surprisingly fast, they weren't able to catch her, though one of them did manage to throw a very sharp and painful metal spork that really hurt when it landed in her shoulder. M'helanie made it back to her flat, and after locking her door she automatically put her stereo on the same way she always did when she went into her room then collapsed on the couch. The puke making Q103 Late Night Luv (4) show was just finished and there was some Good Music on.

The Good Music made M'helanie's head hurt, but she was tired and really couldn't face getting up and walking all the way to the stereo so she just lay there and listened to it. M'helanie was very pleased that her flat had a very old and strong door on that nobody could break down, even though the four men she had annoyed were making a very good attempt. After a while she felt better and was starting to enjoy the music, and it seemed that the men had given up trying to beat her door down. Melanie drifted off to sleep listening to her favorite Folk Implosion song.

Melanie woke up the next morning with the worst hangover she'd ever had, this was one of those hangovers that was going to persuade her not to drink a single drop of anything containing alcohol for quite a while.

After a very strong cup of coffee (so strong it's the next best thing to an IV drip of caffeine), Melanie felt a little better, just about well enough to face trying to remember what had happened the night before. Surely she couldn't really have ran around in the middle of the night singing at strangers.... that must have been a dream? Unfortunatly the Spork marks in her shoulder seemed to indicate that it was not a dream.

After doing some research Melanie found that the uniforms of the men she had annoyed were the uniforms of TRES Corps, part of the Jihad to destroy Barney. The Sponge Minion bar man got to spend some time at the bottom of the river Cam, making that river just a little more disgusting than usual. Although one part of the Sponge avaoided being used as fish food, that part was sent off the the Jihad as part of an apology and application to join TRES. A few weeks later, after only a few incidents where she had seen men in TRES uniforms and felt the need to run very fast, Melanie received an email from Admiral Foxglov about her application to join TRES and was later removed from the index and joined TRES as an Ensign in Alpha squad.

And now for the Evil Footnotes section....

(1) The Death Van is a trailer that sells Unhellthy Snacks late at night on market square in Cambridge, it's actually meant to be called Mr Burgers or the Trailer of Life, but it really annoys some of my friends when I call it The Death Van >:o)=.

(2) The evil chant which B'harnii sings, I'm sure nobody wants to me to write the horible thing out.

(3) There really is a porter in my college that looks like Elmer Fudd, he is very annoying and would probably die of shock if a student really did hug him.

(4) Hours of sickly love songs and an oppotunity for sad and totally desperate people to phone in and publicly embarass themselves that is on Cambridge local radio nearly every night.

There are some people in this story that are based on RL people that I know but I changed the names, I don't think "Hollie" would be too pleased to find himself mentioned >:o)=

In the Jihaddiverse this happened while I was a student in Cambridge soon before graduation, after graduation I joined the Jihad. Whatever minion-maker stuff was put in my drink is what caused the color changing powers that I still have and the reason that I will never ever make my hair or eyes magenta.

The RL equivalent of this story is that I found ab4d while very drunk and managed to post an incredibly lame troll.

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