Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
"Take your hands off the car, or I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per
second?" (In case you didn't know,
that
is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun.)
"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
"Yes Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help.
Oh. . .did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
" Warning? You want a warning? OK, I'm warning you that if you do that again I'll give you another ticket."
" OK, this next question will determine whether you're drunk or not. Was Mickey
Mouse a cat or a dog?"
"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."
"Listen with your ears, not with your mouth."
"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
"Life's tough, but it's certainly tougher if you're stupid."
"In God we trust, on all others we run NCIC."
"Just how big were those two beers?"
"Uh ... Yes Chief, it only appeared as if I wasn't paying attention to your speech. Actually, you inspired me to meditate on the mission statement and envision a new paradigm."
"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
"Law enforcement is not a spectator sport."
"I'm glad to hear the Chief Of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."
