Poetry is the human way to deal with emotional trauma... some of my poetry causes emotional trauma.
Most of my poetry is caused by emotional trauma... especially by this one... For you who care, she left me in July of 1998, and has since managed to make me miss her in incredible ways. At times I cannot help but wonder if her only goal in life is to make me pay for my sins. These poems go by chronological order instead of alphabetical.

I have written over 80 poems to her and about her, here is a small sample. These poems are not meant to hurt anybody, they are my way of releasing my pain (the ones titled in red are kind of harsh)... and there would be so much less violence in the world if people were allowed to release their pain... instead of keeping it inside because the self-righteous think we should... they obviously have never been in love.... but I have... but I do not pine for this Katie person any longer-- no, I simply cry tears of blood as my heart slowly dies....


I love you Katie...
More than you will ever accept...
Life is so empty without you...
Why do I trudge on so....

Maybe I should stop minding the little things...
Starting with you...


Deepness of Love

How can I prove my love for you?
How can my sincerity show through?
When I gaze upon your sweet familiar features
My spirit glows with warmth.
As I lay upon the couch and cry--
So deep is the pain inside of me for hurting you--
I can still smell your soft scent upon the fabric.
Your picture smiles down upon me, radiating such love
and beauty... so I cry some more.
I am not a wealthy man, I cannot buy you the world
To make it all better- and I know you don't want it anyway.
Deep inside I am tormented so much...
Not knowing how I could be so mean to one who is
So sweet and beautiful.
Someone who never hurt me, yet I gave so much misery.
Never before have I wanted so much to be forgiven.
But, alas, I do not know where to begin.
I want so much to heal the hurt that I have caused--
Never realizing that I could hurt so much-- myself and others--
I love you to death, and if that is where I must take this love
Then so be it, for I would die for you, I would kill for you.
I love you so much, I am so sorry.
I'm begging to be forgiven, for I have seen my evil ways.
And if I shall have to live without you, then I shall NOT live.
For I will surely die of regret and sadness,
Knowing that I hurt the only one I love and live for...
And will happily die for.

Lord Dellamort�
February 19, 1998

Mort�

Within the season of evil death and damnation
My soul has wandered once again to the dark side
So many thanks be given to Kate, so take my tears.
Dark realization of childhood traumas and lost evil fears.
To whither and waste away the particles of soul
That inhabit my physical being is all to do.
So forsaken by all your gods, so forsaken by you...
This is Hell, as you would believe in it...
Through my own spiritual decay, I have fought so long and hard
To obtain all that I possess--- nothing.
Through the dark night within my mind's dark eye
I travel eternally searching for the non-existing.
Never shall I understand the origin of my torment,
Never shall I be allowed to baske within the light
Nor shall I travel the path of the damned.
No, I shall forever be between the both,
Traveling in the dusk forevermore, not evil, nor good,
But suffering in between for being all that I know how to be.
Somewhere within the confines of mental and spiritual death
do I rejoice in happiness.
No souls shall or will comfort me, no demons ask upon me,
The angels have flown into the light, only to escape my empty darkness,
Gods look the other way, in shame for creating me
And I find that my existence is only in non-existence
I live only in death, death is my life...
And I am only that sad tear caught in the corner of your eye
That gracefully drops upon your love's casket
As it is lowered into the empty, dark, uncaring earth
forevermore.

Lord Dellamort�
April 5, 1998

Failure Through Time

The streets of my memories
Are not paved with sainthood...
Instead they are cluttered
With the souls of would-be saints.
For the gods have failed us
Or perhaps they no longer have the power to help or care
For they leave us here to suffer in pain...
And rot and die.
Forgiveness is empty...
Guilt is irrelevant.
For nothing we have ever done, are doing, or ever will do...
Will matter when we finally die.
I have lost all hope... my dreams are gone.
All I ever wanted was to love you...
Now my soul is broken.

Lord Dellamort�
April 2, 1999

An Early Morning Dream

Wasted words
On my forked tongue
Bitter taste of sadness...

Always the right words
Only two years too late...
Nothing I ever said ever changed
Anything I ever did....

Never again will "I Love You"
Have any meaning behind it...
Never will the words touch my heart
Never will I feel them as I say them...
I'm broken inside.

I have hurt all...
Never to be forgiven by any...
For I know what it is
To be hated by those you love the most...

No tears upon my face
But frozen tears within my heart
Remind me of the pain... the love... the sadness...

I never wanted to feel so empty
I never wanted to feel so unwanted... abandoned.
I wanted you for eternity...
Wasted words, empty heart...

Frozen tears in a loving heart
Yearning to give to those I miss the most...

But I stand here judged, unforgiven...
Maliciously hated by my sister...
Abandoned by my extended family... misunderstood...
Unloved by Katie....

A tattoo on my arm cries my pain...
For never again shall I.
Still in love with her...
Sad...
Broken....

Lord Dellamort�
April 20, 2000

Like Moments In Love

Futile dreams of happiness
Perverse thoughts of abandon...
Memories of those I have never met
Lewd desires of those I have
Regrets... for all of life...

Moments in love...
Like those sounds of the ocean...
The picture of your face within my mind's eye...
The twinkle in your eye...
The smell of your soft skin...
The gentle touch of your hand...
The hatred within your heart...
And the evil within your soul...
Like moments in love....

Rev. Lord Dellamort�
July 27, 2000
Happy Birthday Katie (July 28)

Like A Voice Upon The Wind

Tears stain my broken face
Blood drips down my back
My love drips from my fingers...
Onto the wooden floor...
So wasted and empty...

A broken glass
In the corner of a broken room
Broken like the thoughts within my heart...
The red wine seeps through the wooden floor
Like the love dripping from my fingers
Or the blood flowing down my back
From your sacrificial knife...

Visions of the sorrow
Entangle with my life-blood
The darkest erotic visions of nothingness
A need of wanton desires...
A web of sexual perversion
And I know that I am alone in my lust...

Happiness was an overheard lie...
Love was a psychotic thought from a lost soul...
The truth is darkness and death...

Like a voice upon the wind
The fleeting thoughts and visions
Terrorize my soul...
And call me into the darkness...
Where I must dwell forevermore...

Rev. Lord Dellamort�
July 27, 2000
Happy Birthday Katie (July 28)

Night Dreams

Superficial humans-- pretending...
Everything is so shallow to them...
But to me, all is love...

Psychosexual fornication
The deepest regions of my mind
Abstract thoughts of trance-like movements
Gaze deeply into my empty eyes
See them look through you...
Nobody is home...

Mystical enchantment
A dream-like state
A psychomelodramatic moment lost in time...
Is it me or them
That live through dreamy eyes...?

An open green meadow
Touched only by the pale moon
She is there... forever waiting
For me to come home to her...
Her long flowing hair glistens
In the beams of the nightsky sun...
Her eyes... dreamy... sad...
A single flower in her hands...
And I want to come home to her....

Rev. Lord Dellamort�
July 28, 2000
Happy Birthday Katie (July 28)

Frost

You held my hand in yours
As we walked through the silently falling snow...
The night was so cold
And the snowflakes twinkled in the moonlight...

My love for you so strong and dear
Your touch told me that I was
Everything that you lived for...
Did it deceive me....?

You are everything I live for
All that I had always searched for
I knew you long before
You ever met me...

Are you to leave me alone
Out here in the cold
To consider all of my sins
That I have already paid for...

And to continue suffering for all of the things
That I have suffered enough for already....

Rev. Lord Dellamort�
August 1, 2000

If I Cannot Love, Then I Will Hate

My whole life is just dreams
Nothing is ever as it seems...
I will never tolerate
Having my heart surgically removed again....

Hate me, rape me, destroy me...
TEAR ME UP INSIDE....
There is no outlet for my disease
I could kill, maim, and destroy
But all I really want
Is to get rid of the pain....

Self-destruction
Looking for a fight
Ready to end your pain
Or die trying...
I AM NOT AFRAID TO DIE......

Overwhelming psychotic hatred
Brought forth by love
Calling people out
From their hiding corners
Looking to see them bleed
TAKE YOUR HATRED OUT ON ME!!!!!

I'm daring you to hurt me
I want you to make me bleed...
I want you to kill me...
Prove your words of hatred
I want to die by your hand
Finish the hatred that you have begun

Katie basically said:
"I'm not in love, but I'm going to fuck you
"Til somebody better comes along...."

Use me like I was a whore....

I want you to kill me, Katie...
I so fucking want you to...
No hope... nothing real...

Rev. Lord Dellamort�
August 1, 2000

I Held Paradise

I held paradise within my hands....
I felt the angel touch me
And I knew the sadness within....

Her tears burnt like holy water
When they fell upon my soul...
The darkness invaded me--
And alone again in the void I was....

One solitary moment of happiness
One deceiving minute of love...
All that I had searched for
So perfect within an imperfect world
Touch me in a forgotten way
For this dream must surely end...

I held paradise within my hands
All that I loved, know, and needed...
Gone as soon as it was found...

An angel... so beautiful... so...
All I wanted was to make her happy forever...

You are the soul that I have always searched for...
Please do not leave me now...
And I watched the sun set for the very last time...

Rev. Lord Dellamort�
August 1, 2000

Omega Infinity

As the years fall silently away
The lines in my face get clearer
The tears that fall from my eyes become fewer...
And my hopes for happiness fade...

Like a dove in flight
Beautiful wings against the blue sky
Silent memories slip away
All we are is to die...

Silent waters travel by
And take with them my life
So sadly into the end of time...

I gaze out through the closed glass
As you walk by in the garden...
In that sad, lonely moment
I silently learn to miss you...

Rev. Lord Dellamort�
August 2, 2000

Winter Shivers

The darkness engulfed me
The coldness penetrated my heart...
Left alone in the snow to die alone...

I looked around at the emptiness of the grounds
The college buildings gazed back in disbelief...
The moon cried a tear for my loneliness...

I could hear the happiness in the distance
I could feel the merriment within the rooms
I was an outsider... left alone in the cold...
Thoughts of romance within my heart
But no one to love... no one cared...

Would they care in the mourning
When they found me all alone...
Forever saying "what a great guy"...
"Why didn't we see his pain? His loneliness...?"
"Why didn't we invite him in from the cold...."
Because no one cares about anyone but themselves
Except die-hard romantics like me
Who gather happiness from making others happy...

Deranged memories flooded my mind as I wandered blindly...
Thoughts of the happiest moments of my life...
All too brief... all so empty now...
You don't know what you could have had
Until it is gone...
Then you shall look back
As a lone tear falls from your eye...
And you cannot change things now
But you wish you would have been there
For me as I slowly froze to death...

It will haunt you forever
Knowing that I was out in the cold
While you pretended that I was not missing...

Rev. Lord Dellamort�
August 2, 2000

The Scent of Snow

Little by little the winter sets in
The chilly snap within the air
The dry leaves underfoot
The feeling of warmth within my heart...

The subtle comforts of a warm home
The smell of the fireplace
And freshly baked cookies...
A fuzzy blanket secures us
As I cuddle with you on the couch...

Night slowly falls upon me
As the snow flakes start to fall
And lightly cover my soul...

As I stand outside in the frozen night
Watching you inside this warm home
Cuddling with a poor excuse for a man
I am slowly freezing....

Rev. Lord Dellamort�
August 3, 2000

Katie-- The Final Requiem

You can no longer hurt me
Because I no longer love you...
You can no longer be happy--
Because I no longer hate you...

My feelings for you are all gone
You simply do not matter anymore
No longer are you worth my love
Or even my hate...
No longer are you worth a though...

Suddenly, the other night
When I spoke to her
All of my pain for you fell away...
No longer did all of your hateful ways touch me
No longer did I feel your pain and your lies
Never again would you hurt me...

I always said I would die for you
But you are no longer worth it...
I always said I would save you
But you are no longer worth it...

I have been sober for three days
The more sober I get
The less you seem to matter...

Rev. Lord Dellamort�
August 11, 2000

Katie-- The New Emptyness

It's been a long time since you left me
I never meant to hurt you
And I understand why you cried...

It would be a lie if I told anyone
That I didn't miss you and didn't still cry
After two long years of pain...

I was so wrong...
You once told me
"I could spend the rest of my life with you"
Oh how I wish that you would...

I can only wish that you missed me
The same way that I miss you...
Or even just a little bit...

My place is by your side
Loving you for eternity...
I shall die without you...
Simply because I choose to...

Promise me that you will rejoice
When you hear the news of my death...
Dance upon my grave, spit upon my stone...
If that is really how you feel....

I was so damn wrong in what I did
And you know how much I love you
You know how much I miss being with you...

I search for another to love
But no one seems to be you...
Nobody loves my hair like you did...

Nobody seems to be as cute and sweet
So beautiful in your own light
So un-selfish.... so caring...

I drink myself to death for you
And you do not care...
Without you life means nothing...

Most of my heart left with you
Most of my dreams
Most of my love....
Katie.... I love you
And only wish a chance to prove it...
To make you so happy....

Otherwise I will die
Of a broken heart....
Within a very short time...
And maybe you will miss me then...
I doubt it.... and I cry...

Rev. Lord Dellamort�
August 13, 2000

Dig My Grave

They say to go on
Go forth-- forget the past
Let it all go--
Maybe they have no feelings...
But I do...

They say you'll find someone new
They say there are many out there...
Perhaps I only want her-- what then?
Maybe I am still in love
And not ready to lose those feelings--
All that I have left of her...

I do not want a substitute
I do not want a look-alike
I shall not settle for an act-alike
I only want her...

I cannot be happy with anyone else
When they simply are not her...
And I could make her happy
If she would simply be with me...

Or perhaps one day
Someone can show me they love me
As much as I love her
And I will forget her name...

Rev. Lord Dellamort�
September 5, 2000

A Prayer For the Dying

My God, wash away my iniquity
Cleanse me of my sin
Everyday another little piece
Of my heart dies...

I do not need others to forgive me
I need to be able to forgive myself
Something I simply cannot do
I created my own pain
I deserve to cry...

Saturday night
My salvation would be her phone call
Just wanting to go to the theatre with her
Just wanting to hear her voice
Only wanting her to hold me
Comfort me in your arms
Let me cry on your shoulder
Forgive me
So that I may forgive myself...

September morning three years gone
Never have I hurt anyone like that
It shattered my heart when you cried
I have never been the same since...

I am dying without you
This is my just deserve
Everyday the world gets a bit darker
Everyone seems further away
I am dying inside
To never hurt anyone again...

Rev. Lord Dellamort�
Feb. 10, 2001
Everything written on this page is � by Rev. L. Dellamort�. Please show respect for that copyright. Thank you. I have no idea who sent me the background.

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